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bushyfox
Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Wed, 6th Aug '08 8:47 PM

GROWING OLD WITH SERENITY





Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?


Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
About being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'


The nice thing about being senile is
You can hide your own Easter eggs.


I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind,
Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that
Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's licence.



I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
So I got my doctor's permission to
Join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour.

But, by the time I got my leotards on,
The class was over.





An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
Told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
She wanted her ashes scattered over Target.
'Target?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Target?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'


My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.


It's scary when you start making the same noises
As your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff
In my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'


THE SENILITY PRAYER:
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.



chender
Chender  (Level: 193.4 - Posts: 160)
Tue, 12th Aug '08 8:52 PM

For those who'd prefer a little less serenity, I rather like the Jenny Joseph poem:


"When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple

with a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

and satin candles, and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired

and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

and run my stick along the public railings

and make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

and pick the flowers in other people's gardens

and learn to spit.



You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

and eat three pounds of sausages at a go

or only bread and pickles for a week

and hoard pens and pencils and beer nuts and things in boxes.



But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

and pay our rent and not swear in the street

and set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple."



bushyfox
Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Sun, 17th Aug '08 1:23 AM

After reading your post, I have just adopted Maxine as my role model for my senior years!
~Bev

mistymented1
Mistymented1  (Level: 26.0 - Posts: 163)
Tue, 30th Sep '08 6:46 PM

OFFICIAL ADULT RESIGNATION

I am hereby officially tendering
my resignation as an adult. I have
decided I would like to accept the
responsibilities of an

8 year-old again.

I want to go to McDonald's and think
that it's a four star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud
puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.

I want to think M&Ms are better than
money because you can eat them.
I want to lie under a big oak tree and
run a lemonade stand with my friends on
a hot summer's day.
I want to return to a time when life was
simple; When all you knew were colors,
multiplication tables, and nursery
rhymes, but that didn't bother you,
because you didn't know what you
didn't know and you didn't care.
All you knew was to be happy because you
were blissfully unaware of
all the things that should make you
worried or upset.
I want to think the world is fair.
That everyone is honest and good.
I want to believe that anything is
possible. I want to be oblivious
to the complexities of life and be
overly excited by the little things
again.
I want to live simple again. I
don't want my day to consist of
computer crashes, mountains of
paperwork,
depressing news, how to survive more days
in the month than there is money in the
bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness,
and loss of loved ones.
I want to believe in the power of
smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth,
justice, peace, dreams, the imagination,
mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So . . . here's my checkbook
and my car-keys, my credit card bills
and my 401K statements.

I am officially
resigning from adulthood.

And if you want to discuss this
further, you'll have to catch me
first, cause........

......"Tag ! You're it."


((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))


Hope Ya'll join me !

smokydevil
Smokydevil  (Level: 163.0 - Posts: 5381)
Wed, 10th Dec '08 9:41 PM

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example,
the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes.
When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, ' Come on man,
how about giving a senior citizen a break? '



He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a turd. He glared at me and started writing another
ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a sh$*-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the
windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we
abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired.
It 's important at our age.

m48ortal
M48ortal  (Level: 251.4 - Posts: 3742)
Sun, 22nd Feb '15 9:22 PM

They tell me that I was born fat, bald, wrinkled, and toothless.

Personally, I have no memory of the event.

However, based on that description, I now know what they mean by "second childhood," as I seem to be returning to my original condition, including the lack of memory.


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