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Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Mon, 25th Aug '08 5:04 PM


Brace's the first'un!!

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder.

1. The DNA all matches.

2. There are no dental records.

Asda3500  (Level: 42.4 - Posts: 13)
Sat, 18th Oct '08 4:57 PM

A Redneck Retaliation

A ventriloquist was making fun of rednecks with his dummy at a bar. Then an angry redneck stood up, rolled up his sleeves ,and yelled, "I resent that!"
The ventriloquist started apologizing to the redreck.

The redneck looked at him and said, " You stay outta this, I''m talking to the guy on your lap!!!!

Asda3500  (Level: 42.4 - Posts: 13)
Sat, 18th Oct '08 5:00 PM

Here are two jokes about red necks

Top 10 Reasons to Know You're a Redneck

1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.
2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
4. You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday.
6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.
8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
10. You've used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples

This one is just strange
Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.
"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.

"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.

"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."

"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"


Mistymented1  (Level: 26.0 - Posts: 163)
Sat, 31st Jan '09 10:48 AM

I thought the second one was cute!
Yes...strange----but still cute!

You know you're a redneck if...

More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
You burn your front yard rather than mow it.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.
You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.
Your momma doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her a--.
your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.
The taillight covers of your car are made of tape.
There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off it.
Fewer than half of your cars run.
You have a house that's mobile and five cars that aren't.
You gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
You can't tell what color your car is because of the dirt.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care.
Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos
You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
You actually made a pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight with Alan Jackson.
The primary color of your car is "bondo".
You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".
You've ever used lard in bed.
You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
You've ever made change in the offering plate.
Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
You know you're a redneck if you wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.
The theme song at your high school prom was `Friends in Low Places'
You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
You entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
Your biggest ambition in live is to "git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn..."
Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
You think a 'cursor' is someone who swears a lot.
Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
You use your fishing license as a form of I.D.
Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"
You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.
Your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.
Your kid takes a siphon hose to show-and-tell.
Your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".
You're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.
Someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush it."
You list your parole officer as a reference.
Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.

Mistymented1  (Level: 26.0 - Posts: 163)
Mon, 2nd Feb '09 4:32 AM

A professor at the University of Kentucky is giving a lecture on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts,do any of you
think you've seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever
talked to a ghost?"

15 students raise their hands.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

3 students raise their>hands.

"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever
made love to a ghost?"

Bubba, way in the back raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses, and says, "Son,all the years I've been giving
this lecture, no one has claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come
up here and tell us about your experience."

The redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up
to the podium.

As he reached the front of the room, the professor says, "Well, so tell us what it's
like to have sex with a ghost."

To which Bubba replied, "Sh*****t!!!. From way back thar I thought you said "Goats."

Koota  (Level: 187.9 - Posts: 2114)
Sun, 15th Feb '09 11:18 PM


I think I may be a redneck! LMAO!

I'm not admitting to which of these I said "Yes".

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