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1mks  (Level: 221.2 - Posts: 5932)
Mon, 22nd Sep '08 2:17 PM


If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These wonderful questions and answers are from when the game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions. I honestly did get tears in my eyes over this, but only because I was laughing so blooming hard.

Peter Marshall: According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait a while. Why?
Paul Lynde: He’s out of town.

Peter Marshall: Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie “What’s The Matter With Helen?” Who plays Helen?
Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver; that’s why they asked the question.

Peter Marshall: What are “dual-purpose cattle” good for that other cattle aren’t?
Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies – but I don’t recommend the cookies.

Peter Marshall: When a couple has a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.

Peter Marshall: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
Charley Weaver: His feet.

Peter Marshall: When the Lone Ranger finished with a case, he left something behind. What?
Paul Lynde: A masked baby.

Peter Marshall: True or false: Some African Watusi tribesmen greet guests by running toward them at full speed, then high-jumping over them.
Charley Weaver: This is sometimes terribly embarrassing to tall guests.

Peter Marshall: You’re on your first visit to Japan and you head right for the Kabuki. Why?
Paul Lynde: It was a long plane ride.

Peter Marshall: If you’re going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Peter Marshall: Do female frogs croak?
Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water.

Peter Marshall: You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.

Peter Marshall: True or false: Many people sleep better in their street clothes than they do in their pajamas.
Paul Lynde: Yes. We call them winos.

Peter Marshall: According to the World Book, is it okay to freeze your persimmons?
Paul Lynde: No. You should dress warmly.

Peter Marshall: According to psychologists, when a child begins to get curious about sex, what is the one question he will most ask his mommy and daddy?
Paul Lynde: Where can I get some?

Peter Marshall: Your baby has a certain object that he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit?
Joan Rivers: Yes. It’s daddy’s turn.

Peter Marshall: Do we get heat from stars?
Paul Lynde: You will if I have to share my dressing room again.

Peter Marshall: In what state was Abraham Lincoln born?
Paul Lynde: Naked and screaming like the rest of us.

Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?
Paul Lynde: Yes, but he still won’t go up to your apartment.

Peter Marshall: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he’s really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he’s married?
Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Peter Marshall: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Peter Marshall: Prometheus was tied to the top of a mountain by the gods because he had given something to man. What did he give us?
Paul Lynde: I don’t know what you got, but I got a sports shirt.

Peter Marshall: What are “Do It,” “I Can Help,” and “Can’t Get Enough”?
George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.

Peter Marshall: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking?
Rose Marie: You ask me one more “growing older” question Peter and I’ll give you a gesture you’ll never forget!

Peter Marshall: If you find someone lying unconscious in the street, should you do anything?
George Goebel: I’d probably crawl around him I guess.

Peter Marshall: Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily?

Peter Marshall: Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I’m too busy growing strawberries!

Peter Marshall: In bowling, what’s a perfect score?
Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Peter Marshall: Eddie, according to the Institute of Motivational Research, a wife should beware if another woman takes an interest in a certain item of her husband’s clothing. What item?
Ed Asner: Well, shorts immediately springs to my mind.

Peter Marshall: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Peter Marshall: True or false: A pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
George Gobel: Sometimes it sure seems that way…

Peter Marshall: Can boys join the campfire girls?
Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Peter Marshall: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Paul Lynde: Make him bark.

Peter Marshall: True or false: George, experts say there are only seven or eight things in the world dumber than an ant.
George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of ‘em.

Peter Marshall: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!

Peter Marshall: Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy?
Paul Lynde: Why, that bitch!

Peter Marshall: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting, “Poo! Poo! Poo!” What does that mean?
George Goebel: Cattle crossing.

Peter Marshall: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body-what is it?
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn’t neglected!

Peter Marshall: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Peter Marshall: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Peter Marshal: Why do sheep sleep huddled together?
Paul Lynde: Because Little Boy Blue’s a wierdo!

Osuzannacollage  (Level: 132.1 - Posts: 1299)
Mon, 22nd Sep '08 2:54 PM

These are great. Thank you for the laughs, 1mks!


Donleigh  (Level: 156.6 - Posts: 5478)
Mon, 22nd Sep '08 2:54 PM

Thank you, that sets up the day perfectly.

Papajensai  (Level: 203.4 - Posts: 1025)
Mon, 22nd Sep '08 3:01 PM

Thanks, Marsha!

I have to point out that you've squandered the opportunity to annoy a few people around here with six or eight Word Puzzles.

Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3640)
Mon, 22nd Sep '08 3:09 PM

Thanks for this. I found myself laughing out loud on several of them.

1mks  (Level: 221.2 - Posts: 5932)
Mon, 22nd Sep '08 3:26 PM

I honestly did think about doing a word puzzle but I thought it would be terribly unfair. hmmmm, maybe I should have done it anyway. bwahahahaha

Ladyvol  (Level: 213.0 - Posts: 5679)
Mon, 22nd Sep '08 9:30 PM

These were great and brought back a lot of fun memories...thanks.

Mplaw51  (Level: 185.5 - Posts: 1580)
Mon, 22nd Sep '08 11:09 PM

What great memories! I can just picture them saying each one of these, their timing was perfect!

Knerd  (Level: 99.0 - Posts: 1139)
Mon, 22nd Sep '08 11:16 PM

Thanks for the big laughs, Marsha. I can just hear Paul Lynde's sarcastic voice and that laugh! Great memories!

Alvandy  (Level: 242.0 - Posts: 7727)
Mon, 22nd Sep '08 11:17 PM

Hilarious- loved that show!

Lettermanfan1  (Level: 88.3 - Posts: 486)
Mon, 22nd Sep '08 11:18 PM

So funny! Are these old shows on the Game Show Netwok?

Salzypat  (Level: 162.6 - Posts: 5427)
Tue, 23rd Sep '08 12:14 AM

Like mplaw, I can just see Paul Lynde delivering his lines with his crazy grin and then laughing at his own joke. How delightful! Thanks for a good evening laugh.

Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4593)
Tue, 23rd Sep '08 5:32 AM

If everybody's memory were like mine, you could STILL do a WP. I mean, when I took my own, I missed 3.

Felix  (Level: 109.3 - Posts: 2498)
Tue, 23rd Sep '08 6:34 AM

You have to dislike Peter Marshall, if for no other reason than his son played for the Cubs. I would have changed my last name to. Circle gets the square.

Debbie1957  (Level: 45.7 - Posts: 402)
Tue, 23rd Sep '08 8:02 AM

Thank you for the post and a few laughs.


Erin0620  (Level: 77.2 - Posts: 737)
Tue, 23rd Sep '08 8:15 AM

Thanks! Smiles for the morning, those were too cute.

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