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Oogie54  (Level: 209.3 - Posts: 1120)
Mon, 6th Oct '08 11:29 PM


In response to the current political "discussions", I propose one of more factual connections and far-reaching implication. I haven't snoped this yet, but according to what I'm hearing and finding on the web, the implications can spell real calamity for the majority of mankind. It has been reported that Santa Claus has for the past several years been forming a clandestine alliance with major retailer Wal-Mart as well as numerous connections in the Middle East and China. A class action suit brought forth by the elves (concerning unfair employment practice and other grievances) precipitated this move by the so-called jolly old elf. Al Gore has indicated Claus in contributing to global warming and receding glaciers at the North Pole. Pres. W has intimated recently that the White House is investigating the possibility of terrorist-connections, involving the Tooth Fairy among others, and top-people in the Pentagon say they have satellite imagery revealing "un-identified structures of interest"( no one is using terms like WMD just yet. I am stunned if even half of this turns out to be factual. oog

Luvnmexsun  (Level: 147.4 - Posts: 711)
Mon, 6th Oct '08 11:36 PM

I heard that Santa violated Elf Labor Law by working mere children under a hundred years old. And he retired the two hundred year olds without benefits!

Osuzannacollage  (Level: 132.1 - Posts: 1299)
Mon, 6th Oct '08 11:43 PM

This is disturbing indeed, Oogie. I'm not so much worried about Santa's association with the Tooth Fairy (or even the Easter Bunny) -- but his recently reported link to leprechauns is cause for alarm. Don't get me wrong -- there's certainly no prejudice here at all, as I'm Irish (mostly anyway). Leprechauns are widely known for thievery, trickery and for their contributions to global warming due to their penchant for rainbow manufacturing. Tsk, tsk! Shameful indeed. If you doubt this, I've gotten it from a variety of online sources, including Wikipedia.

Thank you for bringing this to our attention. Perhaps it's not too late to do something about this. Santa can be saved. The elves and Mrs. Claus can go to rehab. There's hope for the world!

Salzypat  (Level: 161.3 - Posts: 5414)
Mon, 6th Oct '08 11:44 PM

And had you heard about PETA bringing charges against Santa for abusing his reindeer? Seems as though PETA says it's dangerous for those reindeer to be flying at night without safety harnesses (PETA can't seem to come up with what the safety harnesses should be fastened to since the reindeer are flying through the air).

Plus, for every six hours of flying Santa MUST provide the reindeer with a 30-minute lunch break and the reindeer must only work an eight-hour shift..

Santa says he can't afford two more teams of reindeer, plus all those safety harnesses.

Does that mean there will not be a Christmas this year?

Kaufman  (Level: 267.7 - Posts: 3941)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 6:05 AM

It's all being outsourced anyway. Get ready for Indian water buffalo.

Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4593)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 6:14 AM

There won't be a Christmas this year anyway. Didn't you hear yesterday that they just discovered an asteroid speeding toward earth? JUST discovered? "They" say it will just explode in the atmosphere, but you know how "they" are.

Maurlin  (Level: 220.5 - Posts: 2707)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 6:20 AM

"terrorist-connections, involving the Tooth Fairy"...nonsense! They were simply on a panel together regarding what materials to use in toy-making, organized br Mrs. Claus.

Alvandy  (Level: 240.3 - Posts: 7692)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 6:23 AM

If that asteroid misses us, and the "Wall Street" bailout is actually re-stabilizing the economy, I'll recruit some union organizers to start a unionization campaign among the elves. Maybe even the reindeer- Rudolph seems to be agreeable.
They're exploited and have "no voice at work."

Pepperdoc  (Level: 152.5 - Posts: 4285)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 7:19 AM

"It's all being outsourced anyway. Get ready for Indian water buffalo."

Crap. I demand a focus group.

Surreyman  (Level: 272.2 - Posts: 2771)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 8:31 AM

The elves are only subordinate clauses anyway. What's the problem?

Surreyman  (Level: 272.2 - Posts: 2771)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 8:35 AM

Oh Gawd - you've got me going now .....

“Hey, I’ve got a great Christmas joke - this’ll sleigh you!”

“Did you hear that Santa’s up for the Noel Prize?”

“I know he gets Claustrophobic going down chimneys - but he says he still does it ‘cos it soots him. The surgery said he’ll be OK this year though - he’s had his flue jab.”

“I say, I say, I say - What do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs?”
“I don’t know, what do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs?” “Anything you want. He can't hear you!”

“There was a £20 note on the bar floor here last night. Our generous host, that polite chap Surreyman, and Santa Claus all rushed to pick it up.”
“Who got it?”
Well, only Santa Claus was really there, the other two were figments of my imagination!”

“My kid helps Santa get back up the chimney by leaving a ladder in the stocking.”

“Hey Fred - why d’you build your snowman in the middle of your pond?”
“Cos snowman is an island!”

“They told me to go to Rudy’s shop in the High Street to buy a brolly.”
“Why Rudy’s - you can't hear a thing he says through that red beard of his.”
“Well, they said that Rudolph the Red knows rain gear.”

“I just got fined for Christmas shopping too early.”
“You can’t get fined for that - how early were you?”
“About 2 a.m.”

“Hey - I’m looking for some Christmas present ideas.”
“Well, where d’you leave ‘em?”

“Waddya mean, ‘Wenceslas’?”
“Wenceslas train home?”

I think that’d better be all folks - have a great time!

Texlewee  (Level: 34.1 - Posts: 601)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 9:37 AM

In the labor dispute, did the elves get shorted again?

Papajensai  (Level: 201.6 - Posts: 1024)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 9:50 AM

"I'll recruit some union organizers to start a unionization campaign among the elves. Maybe even the reindeer- Rudolph seems to be agreeable."

I always thought there was something kinda Red about that Rudolph.....

Revdodd  (Level: 68.7 - Posts: 775)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 9:52 AM

Surely y'all haven't forgotten that Santa's name is an anagram?

Pennwoman  (Level: 161.8 - Posts: 2476)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 9:59 AM

And I heard Tina Fey is going to play Mrs. Claus on SNL.

Bbear  (Level: 166.9 - Posts: 2297)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 10:42 AM

Doesn't the term "elf union" have some interesting connatations?

Oogie54  (Level: 209.3 - Posts: 1120)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 11:40 AM

One source I've found seems to shed light on one particular connection. After months of investigation the Mid-East affiliation for now has been side-tracked by new information. A list of names containing "persons of interest" was debunked when Al Kyder was found to be a common appellation on both the naughty and nice lists, several individuals by this name were held for questioning and later released. Another possible point of confusion has been the discovery of a "friend" referenced in his frequent vacations to the Persian Gulf who goes by the name Hussein T'uth Fahree.

Pennwoman  (Level: 161.8 - Posts: 2476)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 12:07 PM


Pennwoman  (Level: 161.8 - Posts: 2476)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 12:20 PM

I just saw Santa on a HSN (Home Shopping Network) commercial, he looks thin.

Bbear  (Level: 166.9 - Posts: 2297)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 12:52 PM

Yea, Mrs. Claus has put him on Atkins because she "wants to keep him around longer". Geez, after 300 years of marriage don't you think she's tired of him?

Just remember, on Christmas eve, put out a steak and Diet Coke instead of milk and cookies.

Larefamiliaris  (Level: 135.2 - Posts: 877)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 1:47 PM

I cannot believe the appalling medieval attitudes prevalent amongst what I had previously considered to be an intelligent user group. To believe in an omnipotent beard-wearing being - apparently doling out solace and gifts to an enlightened few who are 'good' merely as a route to further self-aggrandisement - in this age of such technological advances as the wind-powered bicycle, the retractable table top for toilet and the self-twirling spaghetti fork is ludicrous.
Everyone knows people with beards are political agitators with questionable personal hygiene who should be locked up - if not for their own good, then at least for the good of all decent clean-shaven folks who ought not to have to put up with that sort of nonsense.

Oogie54  (Level: 209.3 - Posts: 1120)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 4:16 PM

To be truthful I don't buy into the hype being drummed up by the Defense Dept. Just because he flies around the world with unlimited access to our homes on that one night doesn't mean he may drop a toxic log down the chimney

Luvnmexsun  (Level: 147.4 - Posts: 711)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 7:41 PM

Unless, of course, no milk and cookies are evident.

What is really interesting is the lawsuit that Jack O' Lantern and the Pilgrims have started...class action if you want to participate (could be millions of dollars in, make that a brazillion dollars). Seems Santa has violated Fair Trades Act and "truth in advertising" by marketing Christmas before Halloween and Thanksgiving, saying it's necessary to get good deals and be ready on time.

This has been found to be not only untrue, but a betrayal of public trust and over-stimulation and exploitation of children.

I personally find the advertising of Christmas before Thanksgiving odious, and am joining the class action suit on principal (though hoping for a pile of money...which will probably be worthless by then).

Santa SHOULD be ashamed, and this malfeasance is probably a key of his terrorist plot.


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