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maurlin
Maurlin  (Level: 213.3 - Posts: 2671)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 11:09 AM

I'M BUMMED...PLEASE CHEER ME UP!

a) My investment account has lost 1/6th of its value.
b) I am really tired of hearing what's wrong with the "other" candidate on TV. I don't want to watch any political ads of either party any more.
c) I sign into Sploofus and see the TV crap in Salty Dog. 8-(
d) I have 7 quizzes pending, one from 4 days ago, that haven't gone live yet.

On the plus side...I don't have any problems with a "significant other", since my husband died 8 years ago AND I got to use some fun emoticons.

I want to read wonderful, uplifting stuff...or some really juicy gossip or funny dissention unrelated to politics.

smoke20
Smoke20  (Level: 62.6 - Posts: 2815)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 11:12 AM

OJ's guilty.

maurlin
Maurlin  (Level: 213.3 - Posts: 2671)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 11:18 AM

That did get a smile out of me!

smoke20
Smoke20  (Level: 62.6 - Posts: 2815)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 11:21 AM

My work is done here.

jeannette
Jeannette  (Level: 110.8 - Posts: 1736)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 11:23 AM

stick ya out at the politicians have a ^ and have lots of might have a bad head in the morning but have fun

slicko
Slicko  (Level: 223.9 - Posts: 1609)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 11:25 AM


A. Turn off the TV
B. What goes down must come up ( I hope)
C. Your quizzes are lotsa fun and worth waiting for
D. And as Billy Crystal used to say "You looook mahvelous dahling"


smoke20
Smoke20  (Level: 62.6 - Posts: 2815)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 11:31 AM

She does look good today, doesn't she? That's a good color for her.

salzypat
Salzypat  (Level: 156.1 - Posts: 5313)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 11:31 AM

Linda, regarding your post

a) My investment account has lost 1/6th of its value.

(Mine lost 10% before I moved it into a more stable account. At my age I doubt if I'll ever gain it back - but I can always hope!)

b) I am really tired of hearing what's wrong with the "other" candidate on TV. I don't want to watch any political ads of either party any more.

(I agree with you on this. I want to hear what THEY plan to do to make changes, not telling us how bad the other candidate is. Besides, it doesn't matter who is elected - when they get in office they'll find out they can't do half the things they promised to do.)

c) I sign into Sploofus and see the TV crap in Salty Dog. 8-(

(what TV crap in Salty Dog? I glanced through the posts and I didn't see anything about TV - or are you talking about the political stuff again? I see a lot of other posts on a variety of topics so I'll skip the pollitical ones probably)

d) I have 7 quizzes pending, one from 4 days ago, that haven't gone live yet.

(Can't help you on this one other than to say thank God your mind is capable of writing quizzes. We have a teacher in our community whose wife was stricken with early onset Alzheimer's in her early 50s and has been in a nursing home for many years now. I'm not trying to be Pollyanna here (well, maybe a little) but count your blessings. I don't think I could write 7 quizzes in a month so you are doing quite well and I'm sure those quizzes will show up before long - and I'm going to watch for them so I can take them, OK?)

The sun came up in the east this morning, I got up and dressed and trimmed some tree branches before it warmed up enough for the bees to get out to "bug" me, my dogs aren't barking outside! and I had a banana and peanut butter for breakfast. Life is good - Amen!


pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 154.7 - Posts: 2478)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 11:34 AM

Well maybe this will make you chuckle, if nothing else.
My brother, not know for his "coolness" factor, brought the boys, my beloved nephews over to swim. He brought along a transistor type hand held radio. Not having seen a radio like that for ages I said, "oh, where did you get that?"
My 11 year old nephew said
"1977'

tuzilla
Tuzilla  (Level: 133.8 - Posts: 3777)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 11:42 AM

Why did the blonde dye her hair brown?

She heard blondes had the highest incidence of skin cancer.

garrybl
Garrybl  (Level: 279.5 - Posts: 6639)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 11:47 AM

There's a US nationals coming up in Boston; maybe I'll see you there?
My wife is captaining the US women's team in Beijing and they are lying second.
Barry

salzypat
Salzypat  (Level: 156.1 - Posts: 5313)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 11:51 AM

Omigosh, if you want to be cheered up, go to the thread "A new debate topic" and read Surreyman's posts. I haven't had such a good laugh in quite a while!

pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 154.7 - Posts: 2478)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 11:58 AM

A man was golfing and came upon a Leprechaun, caught in some brambles. He helped him out, and the Lephrechaun said, oh I will grant you a wish.
The man, declined saying, I was just happy to help!
Well the Leprechaun was astounded! He said to himself, "Wow, what a guy! I will grant him THREE wishes!"
"First I will improve his golf game"
"Second, I will make him richer than he has ever been"
"Third, I will improve his sex life!"

A year later, the man was golfing again, and happened upon the Leprechaun again. The Leprechaun said "How is it going?" The man replied, "Great! Since I saw you last, my golf game has been so good, I considered playing pro!"
"Fantastic" said the Leprechaun, "How is your money situatition?"
"Unbelieveable! The money has been pouring in every week!" said the man.
With a gleam in his eye, the Leprechaun asked "How is your sex life?"
The man was a bit taken aback, but replied "Well, its great -- once, twice a week sometimes!"
The Leprechaun was astounded. "Once? Twice a week? thats it?"
The man replied "It's not bad for a priest in a small parish!"



bbear
Bbear  (Level: 161.0 - Posts: 2301)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 1:02 PM

(Coke coming out of my nose)

A mailman had been on the same route for 50 years and was about to retire. He let all the people on his route know when his last day would be.

On his last day, instead of putting the mail in mailboxes, he knocked on the doors. One man gave him a 20 dollar bill, one woman had made a big batch of brownies. His truck was slowly filling with nice gifts.

He knocked on one door and a woman in a sexy nightgown, let him in and sat him down to the best steak and egg breakfast he had ever had.

Then she took him upstairs for 45 minutes of the best loving he had ever experienced.

Then she got out of bed, opened a drawer and pulled out a one dollar bill and handed it to him.

He said "the breakfast was terrific, the lovin' wonderful, but I don't understand the dollar"

She responded "Well, I told my husband today was your last day and asked him what I should give you. He said 'screw him, give him a dollar'. Breakfast was my idea".

flcyclist
Flcyclist  (Level: 124.0 - Posts: 691)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 1:32 PM

POLITICS!!??? We don't need no steeenkin' politics here!!! Welcome back from your cruise, Linda! Now I expect you to pass me in the Quiz Authors leaderboard!

larefamiliaris
Larefamiliaris  (Level: 135.2 - Posts: 877)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 1:59 PM

My daughter - nearly 16 months now! - has learned what all the buttons on the TV are for.
Yesterday she hid the remote...
I now have leg cramps from chasing her round the room.
She didn't stop giggling for half an hour and may have also learned some rather unsavoury language.

She's also taken to drawing her favourite TV show characters.

Does anyone know how to get crayon off a TV screen?


pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 154.7 - Posts: 2478)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 2:24 PM

Oh Lare, I remember those days!

We have a terrier mix dog, that was a rescue from a puppy mill -- Benji is terrified of the coffee perculator, my son, the vaacum, the telephone and the toy duck that squeaks -- (he has no fear, whatsoever of the Dodge Minivan)
I was with my nephew, watching his brother play baseball, when I commented to him about the several dogs, that people had brought to the game. I said to Lucas, "We should bring Benji"
Without hesitation, he said "he would need therapy"

townline
Townline  (Level: 54.0 - Posts: 213)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 2:30 PM

The good news in Michigan is that McCain has shut down operations here. Hopefully that means a lot less media ads from both sides.

tuzilla
Tuzilla  (Level: 133.8 - Posts: 3777)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 3:31 PM

Hopefully, this is not crossing the line.

What do you get when you cross an impressionist painter with a New York cabbie?

VIncent Van Go &%@#* yerself.

bbear
Bbear  (Level: 161.0 - Posts: 2301)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 3:39 PM

Too funny, 'zilla.

Crayons on the TV - put newspaper over it, press with a warm iron, and it will soak into the paper. Works with crayon on everything.

Just ask the mother of (thankfully now grown) twins! I can get anything out of anything!

donden
Donden  (Level: 112.5 - Posts: 2127)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 6:48 PM

Just go to

http://www.dailypuppy.com


Start every day with this site.

smoke20
Smoke20  (Level: 62.6 - Posts: 2815)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 6:51 PM

Omigosh! That's adorable, Don - thanks!

chyenn
Chyenn  (Level: 202.4 - Posts: 1332)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 7:28 PM

not sure if it will cheer you but i am on cloud 9.. i was able to move my left upper arm during therapy today for the first time in 2 yrs. it makes me hopeful that i will be able to sit up on my own again.

smoke20
Smoke20  (Level: 62.6 - Posts: 2815)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 7:33 PM

That cheered ME up, Chy.

maurlin
Maurlin  (Level: 213.3 - Posts: 2671)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 7:44 PM

WONDERFUL!!! Thanks so much. I don't dread checking out Salty Dog anymore.I laughed out loud at some of the jokes, loved the puppy site, and felt good reading all your posts. I'm no longer bummed, but please don't stop them. It feels like the Island spirit is back.

luvnmexsun
Luvnmexsun  (Level: 147.4 - Posts: 711)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 7:48 PM

Why don't you challenge me again and win a bunch more points?



Sun

jank0614
Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4597)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 8:05 PM

Amazing, Chy! Congrats - I'm soo soooo sooooo happy for you!

And for Linda.

I may have told this story before...old timer's runs in my family:

I was teaching a 6th grade general music class to help out their regular teacher. I was explaining why when we sightread/sing we use handsigns because it uses another part of the brain. Since we're singers, we have to pull our notes out of the blue, and having our handsigns move up and down gives our brain a frame of reference for the pitch going up and down (I know - bear with me.)

This little boy sitting in back has this wide-eyed look of wonderment. He holds up his hand and says, serious as a heart attack, "You're so smart...........but you're...blond??"

The little girl next to him, also serious as a heart attack, said, "Silly, she's not really blond - her hair is just dyed."

Sad that we've told so many blond jokes that the kids who have grown up with them actually believe them.

pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 154.7 - Posts: 2478)
Tue, 7th Oct '08 8:55 PM

This is my all time favorite email joke that I have gotten

Hokey Pokey
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is
worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went
unnoticed at the end of May. Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey
Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family
was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. Then the trouble
started....



bravegator
Bravegator  (Level: 152.0 - Posts: 428)
Wed, 8th Oct '08 3:04 PM

See... this is the problem when you retire... you have som much free time.. you have time to get bummed. To bad you don't have a fabulous daughter that you can call when you get bummed..... Oh wait.. you do! BUT she unfortunately isn't retired and finally had a moment to check out the Salty Dog!

Glad you are feeling better!



sandracam
Sandracam  (Level: 149.3 - Posts: 4190)
Wed, 8th Oct '08 3:11 PM

Totally great news Cheynn! Hope things continue to improve greatly!
Pennwoman, the hokey-poky thing is hysterical

1mks
1mks  (Level: 210.8 - Posts: 5883)
Wed, 8th Oct '08 3:39 PM

Here's a smile for ya!
Strange quotes and/or insults.

I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body. - Walter Matthau (to Barbra Streisand)

Elizabeth Taylor looks like two small boys fighting underneath a thick blanket. - Mr. Blackwell

She's like an apple turnover that got crushed in a grocery bag on a hot day. - Camille Paglia (about Drew Barrymore)

It's a new low for actresses when you have to wonder what's between her ears instead of her legs. - Katherine Hepburn (about Sharon Stone)

The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered. - Johnny Carson



pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 154.7 - Posts: 2478)
Wed, 8th Oct '08 4:43 PM

Here is a great nerdy joke

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't.


pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 154.7 - Posts: 2478)
Wed, 8th Oct '08 4:48 PM

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“



pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 154.7 - Posts: 2478)
Wed, 8th Oct '08 4:53 PM

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.

Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

_________

Texan: “Where are you from?”
Harvard grad: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.”
Texan: “Okay – where are you from, jackass?”





embee
Embee  (Level: 86.7 - Posts: 362)
Wed, 8th Oct '08 10:26 PM

Chyenn, That's wonderful news! That made my day!

smoke20
Smoke20  (Level: 62.6 - Posts: 2815)
Sat, 11th Oct '08 1:34 PM

According to scientific studies Americans walk 900 miles a year and drink 22 gallons of alcoholic beverages.
Guess that means we're getting 41 miles to the gallon.

When you see a homeless beggar, you can go to the bank and make a withdrawal and give him $20 and feed him for several days.
Or you teach him to rob that same bank and feed him for 25 to life.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for an evening. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

If life really was like a box of chocolates you'd be able to squish in the top someone's head to see if you like them or not.

Two convicted murderers sentenced to death. The day before the executions, each one is offered a last request by the warden.
First prisoner: "I always wanted to sing karaoke."
Warden: "Request granted."
Second prisoner: "Kill me now."





papajensai
Papajensai  (Level: 192.9 - Posts: 1025)
Sat, 11th Oct '08 1:58 PM

Two underground resistance fighters had a plan to assassinate Hitler. They learned that he was scheduled to drive by a certain place at noon one day, and they hid nearby to ambush him. Noon came and went, and no Hitler. "I wonder where he could be?" said one of the fighters. The other one said "I hope nothing happened to him!"

pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 154.7 - Posts: 2478)
Sat, 11th Oct '08 3:21 PM

too funny smoke and rjen... LOL



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