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Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Wed, 8th Oct '08 4:20 AM


(Thanks to another Sploofuser!)

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked,'What's on TV?
'I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started.


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds'.
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started.


When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started.


My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?''

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.

''My gosh!' says my wife. 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started..


I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!

'So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then, which one are you?'

And then the fight started...

Alvandy  (Level: 240.4 - Posts: 7692)
Wed, 8th Oct '08 6:57 AM

Very funny stuff!

My wife just threatened to throw out my peppermint patties in the refrigerator if I don't stop playing Sploofus so much.

And then the fight started!

Pennwoman  (Level: 161.8 - Posts: 2476)
Wed, 8th Oct '08 10:08 AM

A couple more...
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
And then the fight started.....

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my
husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so,
he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: 'If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds'

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. 'How long will this take?' I asked.

'They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies. I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my
breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?'

Without missing a beat he says 'Worked for your butt, didn't it?

And then the fight started!

Rnmorg  (Level: 128.2 - Posts: 689)
Wed, 8th Oct '08 10:19 AM

(true story)

My husband asked, "How do you like my new beard?"
And I said, "I love it! Now we can play 'dirty truckdriver'"
and HE said, "Great! Only this time, *I* want to be the truckdriver!"

And then the fight started.

Although I must confess, it was only after all the giggling died down.

Tuzilla  (Level: 144.8 - Posts: 3839)
Wed, 8th Oct '08 10:34 AM

We were at a party when someone asked the age of my wife. Being of sound mind, I looked at her and saw her glare. "She is 11 years younger than me." I replied. "How old are you?" inquired the inquisitor. ""57", I answered, unashamedly. Then the fight started. What did I do?

Kaelin  (Level: 49.2 - Posts: 1685)
Wed, 8th Oct '08 11:06 PM

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

and then the fight started....

Koota  (Level: 187.9 - Posts: 2114)
Thu, 9th Oct '08 6:21 PM

OMG! I don't have a contribution yet, but I *am* laughing my ass off.

Thanks you guys!

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