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1mks  (Level: 217.9 - Posts: 5921)
Fri, 10th Oct '08 8:27 AM


If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
-Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress.... But then I repeat myself.
-Mark Twain

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
-Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
- George Bernard Shaw

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
-G. Gordon Liddy

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
-James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
-Douglas Casey,

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
-P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
-Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
-Ronald Reagan (1986)

I don't make jokes... I just watch the government and report the facts.
-Will Rogers

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free!
- P.J. O'Rourke

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
-Voltaire (1764)

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!
-Pericles (430 B.C.)

No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
-Mark Twain (1866 )

Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it.
-Larry Nevels (2008)

The government is like a baby's alimentary canal: a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.
-Ronald Reagan

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
-Winston Churchill

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
-Mark Twain

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
-Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

There is no distinctly Native American criminal Congress.
-Mark Twain

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
-Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
-Thomas Jefferson

Smoke20  (Level: 62.6 - Posts: 2815)
Fri, 10th Oct '08 8:56 AM

Nice collection, and thanks for including that great American fascist, convicted criminal and good friend of John McCain, G. Gordon Liddy.

It's so rare for me to read a quote of his that doesn't include something about killing people. Most refreshing - thanks

Pennwoman  (Level: 160.5 - Posts: 2476)
Fri, 10th Oct '08 9:00 AM

"Never trust a dog to watch your food." Patrick, age 10

"When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' don't answer." Hannah, 9

"Never tell your mom her diet's not working. " Michael, 14

"Stay away from prunes. " Randy, 9

"Never pee on an electric fence. " Robert, 13

"Don't squat with your spurs on. " Noronha, 13

"Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to. " Emily, 10

"When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. " Taylia,11

"Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment." Traci, 14

"Don't sneeze in front of mum when you're eating crackers. " Mitchell,12

"Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a Tic-Tac. " Andrew, 9

"Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. " Kyoyo, 9

"You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. " Armir, 9

"Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. " Kellie, 11

"If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse. " Naomi, 15

"Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. " Lauren, 9

"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. " Joel,10

"When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone. " Alyesha, 13

"Never try to baptize a cat. " Eileen, 8

Smoke20  (Level: 62.6 - Posts: 2815)
Fri, 10th Oct '08 9:06 AM

Ahhh...true wisdom there, PW - thanks for many morning smiles.

Chyenn  (Level: 207.1 - Posts: 1332)
Fri, 10th Oct '08 9:12 AM

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

9. Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job.

10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.

11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.

12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.

13. No one ever says 'It's only a game.' when their team is winning.

14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.

16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
(And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)

18. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.

19. After 50, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead!!

20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind, and the ones who mind, don't matter.

Violetblue  (Level: 112.2 - Posts: 853)
Fri, 10th Oct '08 9:33 AM

If we believe absurdities, we shall commit atrocities. ~Voltaire

What do our opponents mean when they apply to us the label "Liberal?" If by "Liberal" they mean, as they want people to believe, someone who is soft in his policies abroad, who is against local government, and who is unconcerned with the taxpayer's dollar, then ... we are not that kind of "Liberal." But if by a "Liberal" they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people -- their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, and their civil liberties -- someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a "Liberal," then I'm proud to say I'm a "Liberal." ~John F Kennedy

The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have little. ~Franklin D Roosevelt

The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. ~Gloria Steinem

Smoke20  (Level: 62.6 - Posts: 2815)
Fri, 10th Oct '08 9:53 AM

Peace cannot be kept by force.
It can only be achieved by understanding.
Albert Einstein

When the winds of change blow, some people build walls and others build When the winds of change blow, some people build walls and others build windmills.
Chinese proverb

Then it was as if I suddenly saw the secret beauty of their hearts,
the depths where neither sin nor desire can reach,
the person that each one is in God's eyes.
If only they could see themselves as they really are.
If only we could see each other that way,
there would be no reason for war, for hatred, for cruelty ...
I suppose the big problem would be that
we would fall down and worship each other.
Thomas Merton

I have learnt silence from the talkative,
toleration from the intolerant,
and kindness from the unkind; yet strange,
I am ungrateful to these teachers.
Kahlil Gibran

Although we have been made to believe that if we let go we will end up with nothing, life itself reveals again and again the opposite: that letting go is the path to real freedom.
Tibetan Book of the Dying

Undisturbed calmness of mind is attained by cultivating friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous, and indifference toward the wicked.
Sutras of Patanjali

Smoke20  (Level: 62.6 - Posts: 2815)
Fri, 10th Oct '08 9:54 AM

Sorry about the c&p goof, that one is one of my favorites.

1mks  (Level: 217.9 - Posts: 5921)
Fri, 10th Oct '08 9:57 AM

Indeed, there is a plethora of good quotes here.

Pennwoman  (Level: 160.5 - Posts: 2476)
Fri, 10th Oct '08 10:05 AM

Altered proverbs
A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and asked them to come up with the rest.

As you shall make your bed so.... shall you mess it up.
Better be safe than.... punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the.... bug is close.
Its always darkest before.... daylight savings time
You can lead a horse to water but.... how?
Don't bite the hand that..... looks dirty.
A miss is as good as a....Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new..... math.
If you lie down with the dogs..... you'll stink in the morning.
The pen is mightier than the...pigs
An idle mind is..... the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke, there's....pollution.
Happy the bride who.... gets all the presents.
A penny saved is.....not much.
Two's company, three's..... the musketeers.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry have to blow your nose.
Children should be seen and not.....spanked or grounded.
When the blind leadeth the blind......get out of the way.

Pennwoman  (Level: 160.5 - Posts: 2476)
Fri, 10th Oct '08 10:11 AM

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 10)

it gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." (Kenny, 7)

I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." (Harlen, 8)

"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." (Roger, 9)

"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." (Leo, 7)

"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." (Jeanne, 8)

"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary, 7)

"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." (Christine, 9)

"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them." (Dave, 8)

"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The Simpsons' is on television." (Anita, 6)

"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." (Bobby, 8)

"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." (Regina, 10)

"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." (Ava, 8)

"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." (Del, 6)

Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." (Alonzo, 9)

Pennwoman  (Level: 160.5 - Posts: 2476)
Fri, 10th Oct '08 10:13 AM

I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the country that has come the closest to Utopia, and I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have found many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic table. I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts.

--Age 15

Ladyvol  (Level: 210.9 - Posts: 5615)
Fri, 10th Oct '08 10:15 AM

Don't write a check your tail can't cover...Satchel Page....
Golf is a good walk spoiled...Mark Twain....
Life is more than just drawing breath...Elvis Presley


Fudypatootie  (Level: 204.1 - Posts: 1302)
Fri, 10th Oct '08 6:29 PM

“The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government - lest it come to dominate our lives and interests.” Patrick Henry

“Must a government be too strong for the liberties of its people or too weak to maintain its own existence?” Abraham Lincoln

“It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.” Winston Churchill

“A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.” Edward Abbey

"Our major obligation is not to mistake slogans for solutions." Edward R. Murrow

"A wise and frugal government, which shall leave men free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor and bread it has earned -- this is the sum of good government." Thomas Jefferson

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