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koota
Koota  (Level: 181.9 - Posts: 2104)
Mon, 20th Oct '08 11:26 PM

FUNNIEST COUNTRY SONG EVER!

Ok. You must agree that country music songs have the best lyrics ever. My favorite is:

Thank God and Greyhound She's Gone!

Bring it on! I can't wait to see what you guys can offer up!

salzypat
Salzypat  (Level: 156.5 - Posts: 5316)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 12:50 AM

"Does the Spearmint Lose Its Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight?"

pafork
Pafork  (Level: 132.0 - Posts: 537)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 12:50 AM

From George Jones' "The King Is Gone (So Are You)":

Last night I broke the seal on a Jim Beam decanter that looks like Elvis
I soaked the label off a Flintstone jellybean jar
I cleared us off a place on that one little table that you left us
And pulled me up a big ol' piece of floor

I pulled the head off Elvis
Filled Fred up to his pelvis
Yabba dabba doo, the King is gone
And so are you


lucimoore
Lucimoore  (Level: 183.4 - Posts: 1684)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 1:34 AM

Hats off to Ray Stevens for his offerings

Mississippi Squirrel Revival, The Streak and It's Me Again Margaret


These songs still make me laugh.

asdibbens
Asdibbens  (Level: 159.4 - Posts: 423)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 1:37 AM

Being a Steve Goodman fan, I have to post these partially spoken lyrics in David Allen Coe's version of " You Never Even Call Me By My Name"

---

Well, a friend of mine named Steve Goodman wrote that song
And he told me it was the perfect country-western song
I wrote him back a letter and told him it was NOT the perfect country-western song because he hadn't said anything at all about
mama, or trains, or trucks, or prison, or gettin' drunk.
Well, he sat down and wrote another verse to the song and he sent it to me
And after reading it, I realized that my friend had written the perfect country-western song.
And I felt obliged to include it on this album. The last verse goes like this here:

Well, I was drunk the day my Mom got outta prison.
And I went to pick her up in the rain.
But, before I could get to the station in my pickup truck
She got runned over by a damned old train.

rowlanda
Rowlanda  (Level: 70.0 - Posts: 2856)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 1:43 AM



papermanbill
Papermanbill  (Level: 41.3 - Posts: 1313)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 7:24 AM

I heard a couple bootlegs back in the 80's but never could get a copy of them. They were:

I'm Gonna Build a Bar in My Car so I can Drive Myself to Drink.


Don't Cook the Lobster Mama cause' Daddy's Comin' Home with the Crabs Bot authors were unknown.

papermanbill
Papermanbill  (Level: 41.3 - Posts: 1313)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 7:28 AM

On my last post, it was suppose to say authors unknown. While I'm here, here's another.

Get Your Tongue out of My Mouth, I'm Kissin' You Good-bye by "Don and the Donuts". Tjis one was played everyday by legendary disc jockey Larry Lujack.

lettermanfan1
Lettermanfan1  (Level: 88.3 - Posts: 486)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 8:24 AM

I agree with Asdibbins. But now I'm gonna be singing that all day!
Leah

ladyvol
Ladyvol  (Level: 205.4 - Posts: 5490)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 8:31 AM

Ray Stevens wins the prize in book for funny country songs...I like Shriner's Convention...but there is one from the 60's that is really funny called Ode To The Little Brown Shack Out Back....and for you city folks out there, the song is referring to an outhouse! It was done by Don Bowman...another one by him was called Poor Old Ugly Gladys Jones...Roger Miller also had some good ones...like, My Uncle use To Love Me But She Died and You Can't Rollerskate In A Buffalo Herd...Or how about I'm My Own Grandpa by Homer and Jethro...Or Little Jimmy Dicken's May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose or Sleeping At The Foot Of The Bed...all classics! There are so many.........
Vickie

papajensai
Papajensai  (Level: 193.3 - Posts: 1025)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 8:52 AM

I got Tears in my Ears From Layin on my Back and Cryin Over You

smoke20
Smoke20  (Level: 62.6 - Posts: 2815)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 8:58 AM

I'm My Own Grandpa

revdodd
Revdodd  (Level: 68.7 - Posts: 775)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 9:10 AM

If you can include Jimmy Buffett under the country umbrella, I'd add "My Head Hurst, My Feet Stink and I Don't Love Jesus."

We've all had mornings like that.

smoke20
Smoke20  (Level: 62.6 - Posts: 2815)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 9:16 AM

I'm having one right now.

revdodd
Revdodd  (Level: 68.7 - Posts: 775)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 9:19 AM

Hang in there, Smoke! If you ain't dead by Thursday, you'll be roaring Friday night!

pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 10:16 AM

I was trapped in a tanning booth once -- forced to listen to country music -- I was scarred for life by
"I fell in the water you walked on"
and
"John Deere Green"
Never again have I listened to country music

larefamiliaris
Larefamiliaris  (Level: 135.2 - Posts: 877)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 10:42 AM

My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While your Dear John was Breaking My Heart.

Sheer genius.

knerd
Knerd  (Level: 99.0 - Posts: 1141)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 10:44 AM

Oh, Martina - I laughed - I though the getting trapped in a tanning booth was the name of the song at first!

bbear
Bbear  (Level: 161.7 - Posts: 2301)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 10:50 AM

Don't forget Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.....a favorite

pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 10:51 AM

Hmmmm Karen, maybe it should be!

larefamiliaris
Larefamiliaris  (Level: 135.2 - Posts: 877)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 1:12 PM

"If my nose were full of nickels, I'd blow it all on you".

pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 3:00 PM

How can I miss you if you wont go away?

donden
Donden  (Level: 112.5 - Posts: 2127)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 3:38 PM

"The bridge washed out and I can't swim and my baby's on the other side"

salzypat
Salzypat  (Level: 156.5 - Posts: 5316)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 4:53 PM

Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart was Pure

chyenn
Chyenn  (Level: 202.6 - Posts: 1332)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 5:03 PM

Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goal posts of life.
End over end, neither left nor to right.
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights.
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goal posts of life.

Make me, oh make me, Lord, more than I am.
Make me a piece in your master game plan.
Free from the earthly temptation below.
I've got the will, Lord, if you've got the toe.

Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goal posts of life.
End over end, neither left nor to right.
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights.
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goal posts of life.

Bring on the brothers who've gone on before.
And all of the sisters who've knocked on your door.
All the departed dear loved ones of mine.
Stick 'em up front in the offensive line.

Written by: Paul Craft
Performed by: Bobby Bare

pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 5:06 PM

OH OUCH! I need to go put some Stone Temple Pilots or Van Halen to get the country taste out of my ears!

salzypat
Salzypat  (Level: 156.5 - Posts: 5316)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 5:16 PM

I remember that Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goalposts of Life ... Pretty cute song, actually.

I loved singing this song: "I Was Looking Back to See If You Were Looking Back to See If I Was Looking Back to See if You Were Looking Back at Me"



jank0614
Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4597)
Tue, 21st Oct '08 8:41 PM

Chy - I had only heard Tom T. Hall sing Dropkick Me. Cool to know Bobby sang, not just wrote, it. (We always sing it at church on Superbowl Sunday).

My fave Bobby Bare song is "The Winner":

I stole his wife away
But that woman she gets uglier
And she gets meaner every day
But I got her, boy
That's what makes me A Winner

oogie54
Oogie54  (Level: 201.5 - Posts: 1120)
Wed, 22nd Oct '08 7:51 PM

"I Cut Myself On a Piece of Her Broken Heart"

lucimoore
Lucimoore  (Level: 183.4 - Posts: 1684)
Wed, 22nd Oct '08 9:48 PM

Oh, dear!

apinavl
Apinavl  (Level: 37.5 - Posts: 59)
Wed, 22nd Oct '08 10:25 PM

"Did I Shave My Legs For This" by Deanna Carter

yonux
Yonux  (Level: 179.7 - Posts: 37)
Wed, 22nd Oct '08 10:42 PM

"The Rodeo Song"-Forty below, etcetera...

bushyfox
Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Wed, 22nd Oct '08 11:15 PM

"Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road" does it for me every time

OR............

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=ncGZWQGkNzc&feature=related

~Bev

bushyfox
Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Wed, 22nd Oct '08 11:18 PM

Uhhh.............Try THIS link:

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=ncGZWQGkNzc

I don't think the other'un is working

papajensai
Papajensai  (Level: 193.3 - Posts: 1025)
Wed, 22nd Oct '08 11:21 PM

She's only a moonshiner's daughter, and I love her still!

mistymented1
Mistymented1  (Level: 26.0 - Posts: 163)
Thu, 23rd Oct '08 12:02 AM

I'm gonna' hire a wino by David Frizzell

...She said: "I'm gonna' hire a wino to decorate our home,
"So you'll feel more at ease here, and you won't have to roam.
"We'll take out the dining room table, and put a bar along that wall.
"And a neon sign, to point the way, to our bathroom down the hall."...


or
Trashy Women by Confederate Railroad

...Shoulda seen the looks on the faces of my Dad and Mom,
When I showed up at the door with a date for the senior prom.
They said: "Well, pardon us son, she ain't no kid.
"That's a cocktail waitress in a Dolly Parton wig.
I said: "I know it dad, ain't she cool, that's the kind I dig."
...
I like 'em sweet, I like 'em with a heart of gold.
Yeah an' I like 'em brassy, I like 'em brazen and bold.
Well, they say that opposites attract, well, I don't agree
I want a woman just as tacky as me.
Yeah, I like my women just a little on the trashy side.


alvandy
Alvandy  (Level: 229.6 - Posts: 7570)
Thu, 23rd Oct '08 7:27 AM

Uneasy Rider by Charlie Daniels Band is another funny song.

It's been mentioned earlier but " I'm My Own Grandpa" is hilarious. Many artists have recorded it, but try the late Jerry Reed's version.


sandracam
Sandracam  (Level: 149.3 - Posts: 4190)
Thu, 23rd Oct '08 8:02 AM

If I'd shot him when I first met him, I'd be outta jail by now.

ladyvol
Ladyvol  (Level: 205.4 - Posts: 5490)
Fri, 24th Oct '08 6:31 AM

I just thought of some more..."When a Man Gets Woman Hungry, He'll Find a Meal Somewhere"..."You're The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly"..."Mama, She's Lazy"..."Frying Bacon Naked"..."Wildwood Weed"..."Cow Pattie"..."Spiders and Snakes"..."She Burnt The Little Roadside Tavern Down"..."10 Little Bottles"..."How To Be A Country Star"..."Opening Act"..."I Won't Go Huntin' With You Jake, But I'll Go Chasin' Women"..."Running Bare"...(A parody of the Sonny James hit Running Bear)..."15 Beers Ago"..."Hard To Be Humble"...(Love this title by Kenny Chesney) "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy"...
The list is endless!
Vickie

davidf
Davidf  (Level: 102.1 - Posts: 746)
Fri, 24th Oct '08 8:10 AM

Serbia gave us Molitva, which is a funny song and Serbia is a country. I haven't misunderstood this thread have I, I mean have I

ladyvol
Ladyvol  (Level: 205.4 - Posts: 5490)
Fri, 24th Oct '08 8:57 AM

David this is country songs that are funny..not countries....You know, Country Music...
Vickie

davidf
Davidf  (Level: 102.1 - Posts: 746)
Fri, 24th Oct '08 9:28 AM



pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Fri, 24th Oct '08 10:34 AM

All I Want From You (Is Away)
All the Guys that Turn Me On Turn Me Down
Are You Drinkin With Me Jesus?

yikes
At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self Service Pump
Bubba Shot The Jukebox
Did I Shave my Legs for This?
Don't Give Me A Plastic Saddle 'Cuz I Want To Feel That Leather When I Ride
Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat
Going to Hell in Your Heavenly Arms

double yikes
He Went To Sleep and The Hogs Ate Him (Now Claude's Gone Forever)
How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You, When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?
I Fell for Her, She Fell for Him, and He Fell for Me

alvandy
Alvandy  (Level: 229.6 - Posts: 7570)
Fri, 24th Oct '08 10:42 AM

David------ get with the program!!!!!!!!






papajensai
Papajensai  (Level: 193.3 - Posts: 1025)
Fri, 24th Oct '08 11:26 AM

"Did I Shave my Legs for This?"

I think I remember a followup song by some guy singing

"Did I Shave my Back for This?"



jank0614
Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4597)
Fri, 24th Oct '08 6:38 PM

Oh, Martina! I had forgotten that one.

Back late 90s, Richland HS guys choir (90 strong) was chosen honor choir in Texas and performed for the Texas Music Educators Convention in San Antonio. They were hilarious singing that one - How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You, When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life? Very barbershop and VERY difficult to sing their arrangement. And most of us egotistical music types had never heard it before and rolled in the aisles.

They also sang "Sick of the Songs of the Sea" which is not a country song, but hilarious if you've ever been around guys choirs - their songs are always songs about nature, patriotism, or sea chanties. This song was written for them by Emily Crocker, a famous Texas composer. The guys "yo ho ho"ed one part as a few soloists shouted what they hated about sea songs. One was "ARE YOU A CHOIR DIRECTOR OR A NAVY RECRUITER?"

Which has nothing to do with country songs. Sorry. I digress. Sail on.

pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Fri, 24th Oct '08 7:43 PM

Digress away!
but they get worse

Get Off The Stove,Grandma, You're Too Old To Ride The Range
Hand me the Pool Cue and Call Yourself an Ambulance
I Gave Her My Heart And A Diamond And She Clubbed Me With A Spade
I Got the Hungries for Your Love, and I'm Waitin In Your Welfare Line (????)
I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
I Wish I Were A Woman (So I Could Go Out With A Guy Like Me)

felix
Felix  (Level: 109.3 - Posts: 2500)
Fri, 24th Oct '08 7:45 PM

Willie Nelson's 'I Stink Therefore I Am!'

jank0614
Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4597)
Fri, 24th Oct '08 7:53 PM

She Got the Gold Mine, I Got the Shaft

ladyvol
Ladyvol  (Level: 205.4 - Posts: 5490)
Fri, 24th Oct '08 8:22 PM

How about this little ditty from the show Hee Haw?
Now, were not ones to go round spreadin' rumors
Why really were just not the gossipy kind.
No, you'll never hear one of us repeating gossip.
so, you'd better be sure and listen close the first time!....
Vickie


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