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(Level: 49.2 - Posts: 1685)
Fri, 24th Oct '08 3:19 PM
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that its his daughters birthday.
He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?'
The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie for $265.95.
The amazed father asks "It's what? Why is the divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?" .
The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.
(Level: 138.0 - Posts: 589)
Fri, 24th Oct '08 3:41 PM
Very, very amusing....
(Level: 55.2 - Posts: 521)
Fri, 24th Oct '08 6:26 PM
How is a twister in Texas like a divorce?
When they are over someone will have lost a trailer.
(Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4593)
Fri, 24th Oct '08 6:27 PM
May I please have the name of Barbie's divorce attorney?
(Level: 237.7 - Posts: 7671)
Fri, 24th Oct '08 6:30 PM
Barbie used Dewey , Cheatem, and Howe.
(Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Fri, 24th Oct '08 7:20 PM
Barbie's boss is Hiram M. Firem.
(Level: 26.0 - Posts: 163)
Sun, 26th Oct '08 3:37 PM
“Barbie” dolls you won’t see in stores anytime soon
Admin Barbie: Works twenty hour days for little pay (80% of Admin Ken's salary), and is the lowest on the totem pole despite being the one that actually runs the group. Comes with mini laptop. Pull the string on her back and she'll schedule a meeting with your other dolls, replace the toner cartridge in the laser printer, co-ordinate a re-org and a move and order airline tickets for Admin Ken.
Bifocals Barbie: Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
Birkenstock Barbie: Finally, a Barbie doll with horizontal feet and comfortable, if ugly, sandals. Made from recycled materials.
Bisexual Barbie: Comes in a package with Susan and Ken.
Bite-the-Bullet Barbie: An anthropologist Barbie with pith helmet, camera, detachable limbs, fake blood and the ability to perform surgery on her-self in the Outback.
Blue Collar Barbie: Comes with overalls, protective goggles, lunch pail, UAW membership, pamphlet on union-organizing and pay scales for women as compared to men. Waitressing outfits and cashier's aprons may be purchased separately for Barbies who are holding down second jobs in order to make ends meet.
Bunion Barbie: Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with this pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules. Colors: pink, rose, blush.
Dinner Roll Barbie: A Barbie with multiple love handles, double chin, a real curvy belly, and voluminous thighs to show girls that voluptuousness is also beautiful. Comes with a miniature basket of dinner rolls, bucket o' fried chicken, tiny Entenmann's walnut ring, a brick of Dreyer's ice cream, three bags of potato chips, a T-shirt reading "Only the Weak Don't Eat" and, of course, an appetite.
Dr. Barbie, Medicine Woman: This helpful doll offers other homesteaders important tips like what conditioner to use on the Plains, and how to take care of one's nails while shoeing a horse.
Facial Hair Barbie: As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow! Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
Flabby Arms Barbie: Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too: Muu-Mus are back! Two Muu-Mus with tummy-support panels are included. Cellulite cream and loofah sponge optional.
Granny Barbie: This 60+ Barbie comes with three baby and toddler Barbie and Ken look-alike dolls. Barbie comes with a quilted robe, fuzzy slippers and reading glasses, 6 miniature storybooks and a mini-van to take the grandkids to the playground (playground sold separately).
Homegirl Barbie: Truly a fly Barbie in midriff-bearing shirt and baggy jeans. Comes with gold jewelry, hip-hop accessories and plenty of attitude. Pull cord and says things like "I don't think so," "Dang, get outta my face," and "You go, girl.” Teaches girls not to take crap from men.
Hot Flash Barbie: Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead! Comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues.
Married Life Ken: With Beer-bustin' expanding waist*. Molded to recliner. With TV remote, beer, chips. Says "Shut up woman," and "Git me a beer.” (*Waist cannot be reduced once expanded).
Melrose Place Barbie: Comes with her own Barbie Dream Apartment, where Susan and the rest of the gang live together. Other accessories include a bottle of vodka, silk sheets, and an arrest warrant.
Mid-life Crisis Barbie: It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Comes with real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."
Murder, Barbie Wrote: Whenever this elder states woman of the Barbie set (she's 27!) arrives in the playhouse, all the other dolls mysteriously disappear.
My So-Called Barbie: She faces the same troubling issues as teens who don't have huge wardrobes, perfect bobs, pools, ponies and boyfriends.
No-More-Wrinkles Barbie: Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.
Nursing Home Barbie: This 80+ Barbie comes with her own wheel chair, scooter, adjustable bed, bedside commode, and nurse. Also available are Barbie's friends, Mona, Jack, Rhoda, and Milton, all in full nursing home attire, ready for a game of canasta.
Oprah Barbie: Push a button on her back and she actually speaks! Hold your very own talk show with topics like how tough math class really is, Ballerina Barbie's struggle with bulimia, Kens who wear Barbie's clothes.
Post-Menopausal Barbie: This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.
Recovery Barbie: Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does 12 steps instead of dance steps! Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with little copy of The Big Book and six-pack of Diet Coke.
Ripped-Off-In-The-Divorce-Settlement Barbie: Pull the string on her back and she unloads a torrent of insults and death threats for her ex's new wife. Comes with a hatred for all men, and a Malibu Barbie tan (except for a white band on the ring finger of her left hand).
Robotic Barbie: Hey, kids, experiment with an autonomous two-legged walking machine! After falling over she says "Control theory is hard. Damn these spike heels anyway!"
Roseanne Barbie: The dark side of the American Dream is explored with this doll, which shows what happens after Barbie graduated from high school, married too young and ate too much.
Single Mother Barbie: There's not much time for primping anymore! Ken's shacked up with the Swedish au pair in the Dream House and Barbie's across town with Babs and Ken, Jr. in a fourth-floor walk-up. Barbie's selling off her old gowns and accessories to raise rent money. Complete garage sale kit included.
Sister Mary Barbie: This spiritual Barbie comes with jointed knees and neck for genuflecting and praying, mini rosary beads, a mini bible and a black sequined nun's habit (after all, she's still Barbie). Pull the string on her back and she says nothing because she has taken a vow of silence.
Soccer Mom Barbie: All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. With minivan in robin-egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.
Transgender Barbie: Formerly known as G.I. Joe.
Twelve-Step Barbie: Pull the string on her back and she says, "Hi, I'm Barbie and I'm an alcoholic.” Comes with a "One Day at a Time" bumper sticker, a 30-day chip and a pack of smokes.
White Trash Barbie: She's larger and meaner than them other prissy, stuck-up, think-thur-better'n-you Barbies! Now every girl can live the fantasy of ignorance and poverty with her special trailer-park friend. Every White Trash Barbie comes complete with: two packs of Marlboro Lights for Barbie's smoking pleasure, a six-pack of cheap beer to refresh Barbie during her busy day of bitching and watching TV, stylish, every occasion Spandex pants*, halter top and sandals. (*Hot pants or blue jean cutoffs may be substituted on dolls shipped to Arkansas).
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