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pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Mon, 27th Oct '08 5:24 PM

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM CHILDREN

Things I Have Learned from Children

A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

A 3 year old child's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan and tie it to a paint can, it does spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 room.

You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

The glass in windows (including double pane windows) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

When you hear the toilet flush along with the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke (and lots of it).

A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

Certain Lego blocks will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 year old.

Play-Doh and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

Super glue is forever.

No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.

Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

VCRs do not eject sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

You probably don't want to know what that smell is.

Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

Plastic toys do not like ovens.

The fire department in my town has a 5 minute response time.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does make cats dizzy, however.

Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.





koota
Koota  (Level: 181.9 - Posts: 2103)
Mon, 27th Oct '08 8:47 PM

Bwahahahahaha!

I'm not male, but I admit that I was trying to figure out if the smoke from bleach and brake fluid would be toxic, and how much smoke it would make!



ladyvol
Ladyvol  (Level: 205.3 - Posts: 5487)
Mon, 27th Oct '08 9:01 PM

I've read these before and they always bring a chuckle when I reread them...also, brick siding does not like hammers...as my then 5 year old found out while trying to help his dad fix the siding on our house...then he drove my mom's car into a berry patch...our van into an apple tree...all before he reached the ripe old age of 6! (He's almost 17 now).
Vickie

bradd
Bradd  (Level: 193.6 - Posts: 43)
Mon, 27th Oct '08 9:29 PM

Good Lord! Your last line. I was actually thinking of doing that - see what would happen.

koota
Koota  (Level: 181.9 - Posts: 2103)
Mon, 27th Oct '08 9:43 PM

Some Sploofuser is actually going to do this. I can't wait to hear the results.


rowlanda
Rowlanda  (Level: 70.0 - Posts: 2856)
Tue, 28th Oct '08 11:31 PM

Had to laugh at your son Vicky....
Sounds like my daughter, at that age.
Her Big ambition was to grow up to
be a DAREDEVIL....now she's an
electrician on a construction site!!!!

texlewee
Texlewee  (Level: 34.1 - Posts: 601)
Tue, 28th Oct '08 11:46 PM

BRB,

If you see an explosion down Texas way......

shesasharksfan
Shesasharksfan  (Level: 90.2 - Posts: 63)
Wed, 29th Oct '08 3:14 AM

Uh, just a little F.Y.I. before anybody tries adding Clorox to brake fluid. Yes, it will smoke a lot. But...wait long enough, and the mixture WILL explode. Trust me! Ker-flooey!!!

larefamiliaris
Larefamiliaris  (Level: 135.2 - Posts: 877)
Wed, 29th Oct '08 5:41 AM

If I may add a few from personal experience...

*Paint is NOT a good drinks mixer, no matter how pretty the colours.

*No matter how many times you try riding a bike through a (closed) window, you cannot go 'slo-mo' without the aid of camera equipment.

*Drinking hot water and then eating coffee grounds whilst jumping is not the best way to make coffee.

And some I've learned more recently;

*The phrase "Draw a picture of the funny man on the TV" can, and will, be misinterpreted.

*Crayon is hard to remove from TV's. (Thank you BBear!)

*No matter how hard you search, the slimy - and soon to be stinky - food item that is currently not in view will invariably turn up inside your footwear.

*You will not find the aforementioned item UNTIL it is unrecognisable as a food item and very stinky indeed.

oldcougar
Oldcougar  (Level: 219.7 - Posts: 1935)
Wed, 29th Oct '08 9:15 AM

My son taught me that if you put on 2 pairs of underwear (the tightie whitie kind) they turn into shorts I'm trying to think of a few other of his pearls of wisdom, amazing little minds Oh & if you have enough marbles you can break all 3 VCR's in the house at once & then cry because you can't watch Barney

pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Wed, 29th Oct '08 9:55 AM

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. - Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. - Kirsten, age 10


WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. - Camille, age 10

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. - Freddie, age 6


HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. - Derrick, age 8


WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don't want any more kids. - Lori, age 8


WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. - Lynnette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.<> - Martin, age 10


WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. - Craig, age 9


WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich. - Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. - Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. - Howard, age 8


IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. - Anita, age 9


HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? - Kelvin, age 8


HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck. - Alan, age 9


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