You are not signed in (Login or Join Free)   |   Help
Sploofus Trivia
Trivia GamesCommunityLeaderboardsTournaments
NOTICE: Sploofus is closing May 31st.    Click here for more details

You are here:  Home  >>  Chat Forums  >>  The Salty Dog  >>  View Chat Message

View Chat Message

Pages:  1    

Texlewee  (Level: 34.1 - Posts: 601)
Tue, 28th Oct '08 11:37 PM


I love my wife, and I got her permission to post this. And I do not believe any of them. So help me god.

1. You can enjoy a beer all month.
2. Beer doesn't care if you have beer stains on your collar.
3. You don't have to wine and dine a beer.
4. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car.
5. When beer goes flat you toss it out.
6. Beer is never late.
7. HANGOVERS go away.
8. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
9. Beer labels come off without a fight.
10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
11. Beer never has a headache.
12. (edited for content)
13. A beer won't get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.
14. (Edited for content)
15. You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty.
16. (Edited for content)
17. You can share a beer with your friends.
18. You always know that you are the first one to have a beer.
19. (Edited for content)
20. beer doesn't demand equality.
21. A beer doesn't care if you drink a beer for breakfast.
22. You can have a beer in public.
23. A frigid beer is a good beer.
24. (Edited for content)
25. Beers typically arrive with six other beers.
26. (Edited for content)
27. You can't catch anything but a "buzz" from a beer.
28. After you have a beer, you're committed to nothing other than
dumping the empty bottle.
29. A beer never costs you more than five dollars and never leaves
you thirsty.
30. When your beer is gone, you just grab another.
31. You rarely (if ever) find beer labels on the shower curtain rod.
32. Beer looks the same in the morning.
33. Beer doesn't care if you don't call.
34. Beer doesn't worry about someone walking in.
35. Beer doesn't worry about waking the kids.
36. Beer doesn't get cramps.
37. Beer doesn't have a mother.
38. Beer doesn't have morals.
39. Beer doesn't go crazy once a month.
40. Beer always listens and never argues.
41. Beer labels don't go out of style every year.
42. Beer doesn't whine, it bubbles.
43. Beer doesn't have cold hands/feet.
44. Beer doesn't demand legality.
45. Beer is never overweight.
46. If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.
47. Beer won't run off with your credit cards.
48. Beer doesn't have a lawyer.
49. Beer doesn't need much closet space.
50. Beer can't give your herpes or other nasty things.
51. Beer doesn't complain about the way you drive.
52. Beer doesn't mind if you fart or belch.
53. Beer never changes its mind.
54. Beer doesn't tease you or play hard to get.
55. Beer never asks you to change the station.
56. Beer doesn't make you go shopping.
57. Beer doesn't tell you to mow the grass.
58. Beer doesn't mind seeing Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson flicks.
59. Beer is always easy to pick up.
60. Big, fat beers are nice to have.
61. Beer doesn't pout or play games.
62. Beer NEVER says no.
63. (Edited for content)
64. Beer never complains when you take it somewhere.
65. Beer doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other beers.
66. Beer doesn't wear a bra.
67. Beer doesn't mind getting dirty.
68. Beer doesn't complain about insensitivity.
69. Beer doesn't use up your toilet paper.
70. Beer doesn't live with its mother.
71. Beer doesn't blow you off.
72. Beer doesn't care if you have no culture or manners.
73. Beer doesn't nag, yell, or cry.
74. Beer doesn't mind football season.
75. A beer won't make you go to church.
76. A beer is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor" than a woman.
77. A beer doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.
78. A beer doesn't think DOS is pronounced "dose".
79. A beer doesn't give a flip if you keep a bunch of other beers around.
80. A beer will not insist that those odious Michelin commercials
with babies are "cute".
81. (Edited for content)
82. A beer will not call you a sexist pig if you say "doberman"
instead of "doberperson".
83. A beer won't get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours of
Kenny G music on your favorite radio station.
84. A beer won't claim that the Three Stooges are stupid.
85. A beer won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the
toilet seat up.
86. If you mention a "three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8" around a beer,
it won't think you're talking about an enormous can of vegetable
87. A beer won't whine that seatbelts hurt.
88. A beer won't smoke in your car.
89. A beer won't argue that there's no difference between shooting
down an unidentified aircraft in a war zone and blowing a Korean
airliner out of the sky.
90. A beer will never buy a car with automatic transmission.
91. A beer will actually *support* belching and farting and share
your enthusiasm for getting them included as demonstration
sports in the 1996 Olympic Games in Atlanta.
92. A beer is always ready to leave on time.
93. A beer never fishes for compliments.
94. Some beers (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous bodies
95. (Edited for content)
96. (Edited for content)ate rape".
97. A beer won't raise any objections to an evening of watching
"John Holmes' Greatest Hits" on your VCR.
98. An ice-cold beer will nonetheless let you have your way with it.
99. A beer won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to the
grocery store.
100. A beer won't accuse you of lying when you say you read Penthouse
"just for the articles". (You *are* lying, but the beer won't
accuse you of it).
101. A beer won't worry that you'll go to jail if you videotape a
Giants game without the expressed, written consent of the
National Football League.
102. A beer won't fill up your car with cheesy 85-octane gas with the
excuse: "But I saved a quarter!"
103. A beer will *never* make you go to a Swedish movie.
104. A beer will *never* make you turn off "Fists of Fury Theater" on
channel 5 on Saturday afternoons.
105. A beer won't accuse you of being a sexist pig if you say "Gene
Hackman" instead of "Gene Hackperson".
106. A beer won't make you eat some experimental vegetarian meal that
tastes like STP Oil Treatment.
107. When you're through with a beer, the thought of another beer
doesn't make you ill.

Texlewee  (Level: 34.1 - Posts: 601)
Tue, 28th Oct '08 11:43 PM

BTW, I did the editing for content. Some were not post-able. No Editor censoring here.

Rowlanda  (Level: 70.0 - Posts: 2853)
Tue, 28th Oct '08 11:48 PM

Is it OK to use "Tex" and "Redneck" in the same sentence????

Texlewee  (Level: 34.1 - Posts: 601)
Tue, 28th Oct '08 11:51 PM

Only when referring to this specific post. Just a joke on the lines of Dogs and Men, Cats and Women...

And I DID get my wife's permission first.

Pages:  1    

Copyright © 2003-2017 Sploofus Holdings LLC.  All rights reserved.
Legal Notice & Privacy Statement  |  Link to Sploofus