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Pennwoman  (Level: 151.8 - Posts: 2478)
Wed, 5th Nov '08 12:10 PM


My daughter, is flying to Key West with her boyfriend for Thanksgiving -- and a little anxious about flying so I sent her these, oddly enough, she was not comforted

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner were seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they could get under way. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses.

At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start revving and the airplane starts moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.

Then, the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the pilot, “You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we're gonna get killed!”

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers of Qantas lack a sense of humor. Here are some logged maintenance complaints by Qantas pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. Problem stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log, and Solution stands for the corrective action taken by the mechanics.

Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tire
Problem: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.

Solution: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
Problem: Something loose in cockpit.

Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.
Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.

Solution: Live bugs on backorder.
Problem: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

Solution: Evidence removed.
Problem: IFF inoperative.

Solution: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
Problem: Suspected crack in windscreen.

Solution: Suspect you're right.
Problem: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engine airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)

Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Problem: Aircraft handles funny.

Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
Problem: Radar hums.

Solution: Reprogrammed radar with words.
Problem: Mouse in cockpit.

Solution: Cat installed


Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4597)
Wed, 5th Nov '08 10:48 PM

I love those! My fave is still 'almost changed the tire."

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