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pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Fri, 7th Nov '08 9:06 AM

LOVE -- WELL MAYBE NOT SO MUCH

I am in love, which made me look up jokes about love -- this is the opposite but made me laugh
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most.

"When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.

The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who was thought to have practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?

The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the jerk dig. I had him buried upside down."


pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Fri, 7th Nov '08 9:07 AM

A Love Story

I shall seek and find you.

I shall take you to bed and control you.

I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you grunt and groan.

I will make you beg for mercy.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I leave you.

And you will be weak for days.

All my love,

The Flu

erin0620
Erin0620  (Level: 77.2 - Posts: 737)
Fri, 7th Nov '08 10:07 AM

funny

congrats on being in love!

Fred and I are pretty certain this is how we will spend our twilight years:

http://www.funhostr.com/files/f/files/qYSHi7PL.jpg

click to enlarge for easier reading

pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Fri, 7th Nov '08 10:19 AM

LOL, and yikes!

salzypat
Salzypat  (Level: 156.4 - Posts: 5316)
Fri, 7th Nov '08 10:48 AM

Loved the joke Pennwoman!

smoke
Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12009)
Fri, 7th Nov '08 10:56 AM

The joke was cute but the flu kills.

I've had my shot - how about the rest of you?

pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Fri, 7th Nov '08 11:01 AM

Absolutely! the flu shot is a great thing to get -- a small thing to ward off pure misery!

bbear
Bbear  (Level: 161.0 - Posts: 2301)
Fri, 7th Nov '08 11:20 AM

A man comes home after work and says

"Honey, pack your bags! I just won the lottery!"

She said, "That's great! Should I pack for the mountains or the beach?"

He replied, "I don't give a d#@m, just get out".

pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Fri, 7th Nov '08 11:58 AM

Kids on the Subject of Love
WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"
"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day." (Michelle, 9)


HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS
"You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you." (Doug, 7)

"It might help to watch soap operas all day." (Carin, 9)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you...That's why I stopped doing it." (Jean, 10)

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE
"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." (Tom, 7)

"Don't forget your wife's name...That will mess up the love." (Roger, 8)

"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the garbage." (Randy, 8)


"What does love mean?" These are answers from 4 to 8 year olds.

When my grandma got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toe nails anymore. So my grandpa does it for her now all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.
Rebecca - age 8

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouths.
Billy - age 4

Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.
Kari - age 5

Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs.
Chrissy - age 6

Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.
Terri - age 4

Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him to make sure the taste is OK.
Danny - age 7

Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and my daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.
Emily - age 8

Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.
Bobby - age 7

If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.
Nikki - age 6

Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day.
Noelle - age 7

Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.
Tommy - age 6

During my piano recital, I was on stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.
Cindy - age 8

My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.
Clare - age 6

Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken.
Elaine - age 5

Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.
Chris - age 7

Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.
Mary Ann - age 4

When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.
Karen - age 7

You really shouldn't say "I LOVE YOU" unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.
Jessica - age 8






pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Fri, 7th Nov '08 12:01 PM

my two favorites..
When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you
When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouths.


papermanbill
Papermanbill  (Level: 41.3 - Posts: 1313)
Fri, 7th Nov '08 12:17 PM

Donna, Had my shot and after a week I was dragging ass for about three days. I've been taking them shots since the 60's and every year the same thing. I do not dress very heavy for the weather we get up here, I seldom wear a coat or jacket and I've gone stretches three or four years without even a runny nose. I honestly believe that not drinking alcohol all that time (25 yrs.)
has helped out in that respect. Other than that, I have an exciting life.

mistymented1
Mistymented1  (Level: 26.0 - Posts: 163)
Sun, 9th Nov '08 8:20 PM

♥ 6 Truths of Life ♥

1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.

↓ ↓

2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.

↓ ↓

3. And discover that The first truth is a lie.

↓ ↓


4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot .

↓ ↓


5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.

↓ ↓


6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.

↓ ↓


I appologize about this ...

↓ ↓


I'm an idiot and I needed company ...

kaufman
Kaufman  (Level: 256.8 - Posts: 3936)
Sun, 9th Nov '08 8:53 PM

I have 20 baby and 4 wisdom teeth that I indeed can't touch with my tongue.


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