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bushyfox
Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Fri, 14th Nov '08 5:09 PM

JOKES FOR MY SMARTEST FRIENDS

Jokes for my smartest friends


1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.



2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.



3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.



4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.



5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.



6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.



7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.



8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.



9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.



10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.



11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.



12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.



13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a-head.'



14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.



15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'



16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.

When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'



17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.



18. Its not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.



19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.



20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.



21. A backward poet writes in-verse.



22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.



23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.



24. Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects


mistymented1
Mistymented1  (Level: 26.0 - Posts: 163)
Fri, 21st Nov '08 9:03 PM

Very Good!
Hope that you don't mind me adding!


For those who thought the hardest part of Physics was the constant conversion from feet and inches to the metric system, including all its Newtons, Joules, and Watts, here are some other useful conversions:

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi

2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond

Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong

65.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year

16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling

Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon

1000 aches: 1 megahurtz

Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower

Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line

454 graham crackers: 1 pound cake

1 million-million microphones: 1 megaphone

1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles

2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds

10 cards: 1 decacards

1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton

1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen

1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche

1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin

10 rations: 1 decoration

100 rations: 1 C-ration

2 monograms: 1 diagram

8 nickels: 2 paradigms

2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League

100 Senators: Not 1 decision.

oogie54
Oogie54  (Level: 201.6 - Posts: 1120)
Wed, 3rd Dec '08 10:14 PM

THOSE ARE ALL HILARIOUS, THANKS!!!

m48ortal
M48ortal  (Level: 251.5 - Posts: 3742)
Fri, 20th Feb '15 12:46 PM

Bushyfox's #5 reminded me of when, in the early days of commercial flight, the callipygous stewardess backed into a propeller.

Disaster.


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