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caramel1
Caramel1  (Level: 128.2 - Posts: 21598)
Mon, 17th Nov '08 11:21 AM

COMFORTABLE

As I stated in a previous threadI have interest in rather strange topics like the rapid aging on a public figure. I have been observing something else-the comfortability of people when engaging with the soon to be US President. Fox News -I know, I know-showed a very brief moment of hesitancy on the part of both he and John MCcain in whether to exchange more than a handshake -posisibly a brief hug. As he is the next leader suppose any cues would/should come from him.

In Hollywood everyone hugs and kisses as my stereotypical mind do the French folks and the British definitely not.

I grew up in a home where both of my parents were present. I am sure that in a time I cannot recall they hugged and kissed me. I do know I was loved but cannot remember any time that my Dad kissed me before giving me away on my wedding day. Believe I too was somewhat stadoffish wth my children s they age. My mother is stll living and when me meet now we exchange a peck as I do with my kids. Cannot say hat this even limited intimacy is comfortable for me though-curious about your thoughts Linda


salzypat
Salzypat  (Level: 156.3 - Posts: 5314)
Mon, 17th Nov '08 11:38 AM

I'm like you - my parents never showed affection to we kids. As my children got beyond the toddler stage, I never did a lot either. My youngest son lived in India for about a year several years ago. He flew home for Christmas and when I took him to the airport to return to India I gave him a quick hug. He never let me take him to the airport after that!

President-elect Obama may be more approachable, but you're right, I'm sure the first move would need to come from him.

Interesting observations, though.

bigbird
Bigbird  (Level: 239.4 - Posts: 3300)
Mon, 17th Nov '08 11:46 AM

My parents were also somewhat reserved - guess it was a feature of the generation.

I, however, went the other way. I hug everyone. My daughter was embarrassed throughout life, but she did get her share of public kisses, and her favorite at one point were 3-way hugs. I'm bigger on hugging than kissing. Hugging is more personal, I think. Air kisses and cheek pecks don't mean much, but hugs say something.

I would hug my grandson all day if he would let me. My prayer is that someday he will hug back.

1mks
1mks  (Level: 210.8 - Posts: 5883)
Mon, 17th Nov '08 12:40 PM

I too think that our parents generation were fairly standoffish. I don't remember ever being told I was loved by my parents until I was 21 and found out I had cancer. I KNEW they did......but it was never verbalized. I guess they thought I was going to croak so they better tell me......LOL. I am VERY huggy now......All my children are very loving and considerate. Maybe we changed because of some of the coldness that we felt. I adored my grandparents on both sides but as I look back....they were not demonstrative either. So, go out and hug someone today..........just make sure it isn't Smaug......you never know what he might do!!!

donden
Donden  (Level: 112.5 - Posts: 2127)
Mon, 17th Nov '08 2:43 PM

Two years ago I heard from my son by my first wife after no contact for over thirty years. We found each other on the internet and after a few emails he decided to come to Adrian to re-unite. I specifically remember him saying " Now I don't want this to be a "Hallmark" moment, OK? (Chip off the old block after all). I agreed and when I answered the door I held my dog by the collar with my left hand and shook his with my right. No hugs, no tears,,,,,,worked out great. We now keep in touch through emails. Point is this; not everyone is comfortable with the physical thing (unless you are Italian. LOL) so the hugs and kisses are not necessary to show ones affection, but I do give my wife a daily pat on the ass.

Onward and upward

caramel1
Caramel1  (Level: 128.2 - Posts: 21598)
Mon, 17th Nov '08 3:12 PM

LOL Donden, you truly are a dirty old man. I agree with you though that me to become "huggy" "kissy" to my kids at this point in my life would be uncomfortable for us both. Do believe they know I love them though and always have. Especially interesting to me-I have 2 sons one of whom has no children-other has 3 and he holds them at the same touch distance as both I and my parents did and remember my grandparents doing as well. My daughter has 2 sons-and she is a very huggy kissy person.-her4 oldest keeps his distance here but her yougest is much like her-Linda

caramel1
Caramel1  (Level: 128.2 - Posts: 21598)
Mon, 17th Nov '08 3:18 PM

Again my stereotypical mind at work but believe you should be very wary if an Italian kisses you lol Linda

1mks
1mks  (Level: 210.8 - Posts: 5883)
Mon, 17th Nov '08 3:42 PM

Oh, come on, Linda, you might like it. bawaahahahaha

tuzilla
Tuzilla  (Level: 133.9 - Posts: 3777)
Mon, 17th Nov '08 5:50 PM

Never assume. If you do, tell them. There is no telling what they may be thinking.

rnmorg
Rnmorg  (Level: 128.2 - Posts: 690)
Mon, 17th Nov '08 6:39 PM

I sometimes wonder what happened...I thought I was a lot more affectionate when I was younger...seemed like I hugged and kissed all close friends who came to parties at my house. Now, I am really uncomfortable with 'social' hugging or even handshakes. To me, it seems a bit contrived and possibly presumptuous to greet (or say goodbye to) someone with physical contact anymore, especially when there are many people who are somewhat phobic about touching.

chickfbref1
Chickfbref1  (Level: 120.7 - Posts: 2012)
Mon, 17th Nov '08 7:13 PM

I grew up with hugs and kisses for everyone and anyone that came to our house. I never really considered myself a "warm fuzzy" until reading this and really thinking about my actions. I hug everyone and kiss everyone, have never even given it a second thought. If one of my employees is having a bad day, nothing says I care better than a hug.

My kids get more than their fair share, every morning, every night, every time they walk into the room. "Did I tell you how much I love you today?" is my greeting. I have even been known to pin my 10 year old boy down and lick his face (got that from my daddy). I'm sure that will come up in therapy later in his life.

My husband's family was not quite as overt, but even he came around to the wonderful world of hugs, kisses and "I love you". I guess deep down I am a big warm fuzzy.

Gotta go puke now.

Me.

tuzilla
Tuzilla  (Level: 133.9 - Posts: 3777)
Mon, 17th Nov '08 7:26 PM

I'll be over tomorrow. Clean up after the purge.

koota
Koota  (Level: 181.7 - Posts: 2100)
Mon, 17th Nov '08 7:44 PM

Chickie, I'm coming to work for you.

I come from a close family and we hug all of the time. I would hate not having daily hugs from my loved ones.

Somewhere I read that to be mentally healthy, you need to have 4 hugs a day.

So ... Get to work, you guys!

lucimoore
Lucimoore  (Level: 183.1 - Posts: 1683)
Mon, 17th Nov '08 7:52 PM

I grew up with a huggy kissy family and never outgrew it. My kids are the same. Anyone who marries into our family has passed the hugging and kissing stage way before they are given the seal of approval. Next week when everyone arrives for Thanksgiving it will be a hugging kissing melee. We only see each other once or twice a year so we all line up to partake. Its not just a greeting for us, we hug all the time because we just absolutely love each other to pieces. My husband didn't come from an affectionate family but he fell in love with the "love and caring" of mine. He now hugs his mom and sisters and tell them he loves them, something he never did growing up. The first time he hugged his dad and said he loved him they both cried. (I know--sappy but true). I so agree with Chick, a hug can help a lot when the world gets heavy.

ladyvol
Ladyvol  (Level: 205.2 - Posts: 5486)
Mon, 17th Nov '08 8:08 PM

Everyone in my family hugs even when we meet out somewhere we hug each other...We also kiss a lot but that is reserved for immediate family only...like my brother, kids, hubby and aunts and uncles. It's always been this way in my family and I wouldn't trade it for the world! My oldest is a hugger but my youngest isn't. He takes after his dad...he hugs but not a lot! So to everyone here here is your hug for the night from me...(((((((((())))))))))
Vickie

lucimoore
Lucimoore  (Level: 183.1 - Posts: 1683)
Mon, 17th Nov '08 8:26 PM

Back atcha Vickie ((((((((((( )))))))))))

bokeelia
Bokeelia  (Level: 187.8 - Posts: 114)
Mon, 17th Nov '08 8:51 PM

I'm German and there are no less demonstrably affectionate people on earth. I married an Italian and I still can't get used to all the hugging and kissing but I do like it. There is something remarkable about watching a father and son embrace.

jank0614
Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4597)
Mon, 17th Nov '08 9:09 PM

Never saw any physical affection between my parents - until my mother had Alzheimers. In her mind, she was regressing in age, and when in her mind she reached the age she married my dad, she used to sit at his feet and look dreamily at him. She would rise up and kiss him every once in awhile. It was an entire side of her I never knew existed and was truly amazing to get to see.

My dad was huggy and told me he loved me when I visited as an adult, but none of that lovey stuff to us as kids, which made me very jealous of some of my cousins whose parents were huggy/lovey/fun people. As my parents came closer to the end of their lives, they definitely held on a lot more to us, though they were always kissy/huggy/lovey with the grandchildren. I never understood that. Guess they just liked them a lot more.

I determined from day 1 to make it different for my son. We have been huggy/cheek kissy/love you-ish all his life, in front of his friends (who joined in too) and dropping him off at school (not like the kids who want let out 2 blocks away). My son is the only person I like to talk to on the phone, and since we both drive a lot, we spend hours talking on the way home - and never run out of stuff to discuss. We never hang up that he doesn't say, "I love you, Mom." I'm so blessed.

papermanbill
Papermanbill  (Level: 41.3 - Posts: 1313)
Tue, 18th Nov '08 6:30 PM

I grew up in an Italian, Polish and Norwegian neighborhood. Everyone kissed and hugged, Polish girls are underrated.

pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 154.7 - Posts: 2478)
Tue, 18th Nov '08 6:36 PM

My mother is not a "hug" person. She also doesn't like "pictures of people, just animals" which is why there are no grandchild pictures, but a picture of my sisters dead horse. She is also the meanest woman I have ever met. Sigh.
My Dad was affectionate -- his last days, when he would wake from a pain killer induced snooze, he was always thrilled to see me sitting there, as if I had been gone for weeks.... My kids, 24, 23, and 19 ALWAYS say I love you and I always get hugs for greettings and goodbye -- they are some great kids tho!

kaelin
Kaelin  (Level: 49.2 - Posts: 1685)
Tue, 18th Nov '08 8:51 PM

Cajuns hug and kiss - alot


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