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oogie54
Oogie54  (Level: 201.7 - Posts: 1120)
Thu, 2nd Mar '06 10:36 PM

JOKE OF THE DAY 3/03 THREE BLONDE GUYS

A man observed two workmen on the side of a city boulevard busy with shovels. The first man would carefully excavate a hole of uniform depth and diameter, then step off the distance to begin digging the next hole. The second man would then proceed to fill in the hole with the dirt removed by the first guy, and continue to the next one. After watching the two men dig a number of holes and refill them, the bystander was overcome with curiosity and walked over to question their odd endeavor. "Why is it that one of you digs a hole and the other promptly fills it in?" the fellow asked. The two exchanged glances, and one of them replied "We're just doin' our job, the guy who plants the trees laid out of work today!"

redbaron
Redbaron  (Level: 198.4 - Posts: 296)
Fri, 3rd Mar '06 1:34 AM

Good one!

Will

tuzilla
Tuzilla  (Level: 134.2 - Posts: 3779)
Fri, 3rd Mar '06 8:19 AM

lmao...I like that. I had one for today, so I will stick it in as well. I work in Health & Safety and sometimes have to talk to industrial truckers. I have been known to use this one.

A California yuppie was whizzing through Mississippi on a rural highway. Suddenly he came upon a corssorad with a stop out in the middle of nowhere. He slowed down, looked and preceded on with his best "California Stop". Two second later the local sheriff pops out from behind a billboard with lights aflashing.

The sheriff pulls the guy over, gets out and saunters up the fancy Mercedes. "What's the matter?" asks the driver in a slightly sarcastic tone.

"Y'all dint stawp at thet there stawp sign back there."

"C'mon," replied the yuppie. We're out in the country. You can see for miles. I slowed down and looked. That's good enough."

"Sign said Stawp, boy," growled the Sheriff.

"Hey, I slowed down, I looked. That's good enough out here. There isn't any difference."

"Step out da car, boy," ordered the sheriff. "Ah see ah I gots to splain this to y'all."

The yuppie reluctantly steps out and the sheriff throws him into a headlock and starts thumping him ontop the head with his billyclub. After a dozen or so wacks the sheriff says, "Now, y'all want me to stawp, or jest slow down?"

ladyvol
Ladyvol  (Level: 205.4 - Posts: 5493)
Fri, 3rd Mar '06 8:32 AM

ROFL...good ones.....
Vickie

mskillian
Mskillian  (Level: 65.1 - Posts: 226)
Fri, 3rd Mar '06 9:27 AM

HaHa! Both of those are funny.

On the second one, I had to stare at the word 'corssorad' forever before I was finally able to make 'crossroad'?? out of it.

lulise
Lulise  (Level: 32.2 - Posts: 248)
Fri, 3rd Mar '06 10:43 AM

lol, when I read it I didn't even notice that crossroad was misspelled! Is that bad or what? Maybe I read dyslexic.

linenlady
Linenlady  (Level: 159.1 - Posts: 306)
Fri, 3rd Mar '06 11:54 AM

So the two guys are working in a muddy, wet ditch and the foreman comes by and looks down at them and says "Hey you two, speed it up down there. Let's get this job finished." and drives off. They start grumbling to themselves, "How come HE'S the boss? What give HIM the right to boss us around?" and on and on. So one of the guys says, "I'm gonna go ask him!" So he climbs out of the ditch and goes over to the foreman and says "Hey! How come you're the boss and are always telling us what to do?" The foreman says, "You want to know why I'm the boss? Come over here and I'll show you" So they walk over to a telephone pole and the boss puts his hand on the pole and says, "Take your shovel and whack my hand as hard as you can!" The guy says, "I can't do that! It'll hurt you" The foreman says, "No, no go ahead, just as hard as you can!" So the guy picks up his shovel and swings as hard as he can towards the foreman's hand. The foreman pulls his hand away, and the shovel hits the pole and the guy nearly falls over. The foreman says, "See, that's why I'M the boss." So the guy pulls himself together and goes back to the ditch and climbs back in and starts to dig again. His co-worker says "So, what'd he say? Why is HE the boss? Did you get an answer?" and the guy says "Yeah, I got an answer, come here and I'll show you" so they walk over to one corner of the ditch and the guy puts his hand in front of his face and says, "Take your shovel and hit my hand as hard as you can."

asdibbens
Asdibbens  (Level: 159.4 - Posts: 423)
Fri, 3rd Mar '06 12:08 PM

Yeeouch!

tmj302
Tmj302  (Level: 53.5 - Posts: 129)
Fri, 3rd Mar '06 12:19 PM

An elderly couple was attending church services. About halfway through she leans over and says, "I just had a silent fart .. what do you think I should do?"

He replies "Put a new battery in your hearing aid!"



tmj302
Tmj302  (Level: 53.5 - Posts: 129)
Fri, 3rd Mar '06 12:19 PM

An elderly couple was attending church services. About halfway through she leans over and says, "I just had a silent fart .. what do you think I should do?"

He replies "Put a new battery in your hearing aid!"



lulise
Lulise  (Level: 32.2 - Posts: 248)
Fri, 3rd Mar '06 12:32 PM

haha, i loved that one!

tmj302
Tmj302  (Level: 53.5 - Posts: 129)
Fri, 3rd Mar '06 12:52 PM

Saw this one and couldn't resist posting it:

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves. As her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune...

Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.



oogie54
Oogie54  (Level: 201.7 - Posts: 1120)
Fri, 3rd Mar '06 12:57 PM

LOL Good ones TJ!

schmorganism
Schmorganism  (Level: 115.5 - Posts: 56)
Fri, 3rd Mar '06 12:58 PM

Well while we're on the subject, I got one I liked yesterday:

A blonde cop pulls over a blonde woman for speeding.
He walks up to the car and says "May I see your driver's license?"
She says, "Driver's License? What's that?"
He thinks for a second and says, "It's in your purse and it has your face on it."
So she looks through her purse and pulls out her mirror compact, opens it and hands it to him. "Here, this has my face on it".
The cop looks at it and says, "Sorry, Ma'am, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."


violetblue
Violetblue  (Level: 112.2 - Posts: 850)
Fri, 3rd Mar '06 3:55 PM

Oh goodness, the horse one is hilarious! :D

redbaron
Redbaron  (Level: 198.4 - Posts: 296)
Fri, 3rd Mar '06 5:05 PM

I like the speeding blonde/cop joke...liked it so much I posted it two days ago, in fact...

(In the other joke thread...)

Will

schmorganism
Schmorganism  (Level: 115.5 - Posts: 56)
Fri, 3rd Mar '06 8:19 PM

HA! I swear I didn't steal it from you!! I really did get it in my e-mail.
It must really be making the rounds!

redbaron
Redbaron  (Level: 198.4 - Posts: 296)
Sat, 4th Mar '06 1:16 PM

Oh, I knew you didn't! I posted mine from memory...got the joke in my inbox quite a bit back. I think yours was shorter and more succinct, though!

Interesting how many variations there are...The "first class doesn't stop in Vegas" blonde joke was one I also liked and was going to post, but someone did it first...But the version I heard had the blonde going to Houston, not Las Vegas, and the plane was already in the air.

Will

mellonhead
Mellonhead  (Level: 1.8 - Posts: 22)
Tue, 7th Mar '06 12:06 AM

A fireman sees a little girl who is wearing a fireman's hat, and has a red wagon with a little ladder, and firehose. In front are a cat and dog with strings tying them to the wagon.

He notices that the dog's string is tied to it's collar, but the cat's string is tied to it's tail.

He speaks up. "You know, miss ... your firetruck would get to the fires quicker if you tied the string to the cat's collar too".

The little girl looks at him as if he's an idiot, and says, "then what will I use for a siren, genius"?


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