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pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Tue, 30th Dec '08 9:32 AM

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS FOR PETS

Your Dog's New Year's Resolutions

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. .

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

I will not eat the cats' food... before OR after they eat it.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

We do not have a doorbell.

I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.

~~~~~

New Year Resolutions for Pets


15. I will not eat other animals' poop.

14. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows.

9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.

8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

7. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on steroids, or they'll flush me!

6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.

5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post.

3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...

1. I will NOT chase the stick until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOT'S HAND













nelly
Nelly  (Level: 172.0 - Posts: 1167)
Tue, 30th Dec '08 9:51 AM

lol! Thanks Martina - obviously all dogs can be trained like ours!

pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Tue, 30th Dec '08 11:05 AM

I havent found any specific cat resolutions -- as we cat lovers know

Dogs have owners
Cats have staff!

jank0614
Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4597)
Tue, 30th Dec '08 12:04 PM

My cats gave me their list for ME to do this morning.

smoke
Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12009)
Tue, 30th Dec '08 12:08 PM

Buster is giving up footwear and eyeglasses for snacks.


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