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flybybethy
Flybybethy  (Level: 136.6 - Posts: 155)
Fri, 17th Mar '06 1:43 PM

I KNOW THIS IS LOSERISH BUT I NEED HELP.......

Ok, here goes--I'm only asking you guys because I need objectivity, and I am SOOO bad at this.
There is a guy I've had my eye on (he's in church every week, and seems pretty nice) and he's always alone, so I figure good shot he's single. I think both of us are too shy to approach each other at church (inappropriateness of church hookups aside), so I figure I need to summon up the moxie to introduce myself to him afterwards. Thing is, aside from "Hi, what's your name?" what is a good opener I could use? I think the only reason he doesn't approach me is becasue I'm usually with my mom and sisters. Any ideas? There are some witty individuals here, so any help would be appreciated.
Bethany

debls
Debls  (Level: 86.5 - Posts: 24)
Fri, 17th Mar '06 2:15 PM

Are there any church clubs that you are both involved in, maybe try exiting the church from a different door that your mom and sister use. I do not know what else to say, but good luck

jedley
Jedley  (Level: 34.2 - Posts: 278)
Fri, 17th Mar '06 2:15 PM

I think you should print your question to us and just hand it to him. Charmed the hell out of me anyway!

lisa2412
Lisa2412  (Level: 121.7 - Posts: 34)
Fri, 17th Mar '06 2:31 PM

Is he friends with anyone in church that you are friends with? I would try to find out something about him (and make certain he is single) before approaching him. You'll be much more confident going up to someone already knowing a little something about them.

bushyfox
Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Fri, 17th Mar '06 2:34 PM

Maybe you could get someone who knows you both to do an introduction? You might also find out a bit about him beforehand from the mutual acquaintance.

Bushy O'Fox [aka Bev]

bushyfox
Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Fri, 17th Mar '06 2:36 PM

ooooooohhhhhhhh......looks like me'n'Lisa had same idea at the same time!!

Bushy O'Fox again (Yup, it's Bev)

flybybethy
Flybybethy  (Level: 136.6 - Posts: 155)
Fri, 17th Mar '06 2:36 PM

I'm not in any church activities (and I would guess he's not)--I think we both just go to mass. I don't have friends in church (my friends don't go), and he's always always always by himself. Has been for at least the past year (that's when I noticed him--not sure how long he's been attending). So I'll be shooting blind with this, but with a hunch that he's single.

twoxfourman
Twoxfourman  (Level: 82.4 - Posts: 153)
Fri, 17th Mar '06 2:38 PM

Nothing inapropriate about a church hookup, I think it is sweet. Seems you already have something in common. Just pretend he's a word round, and attack...LOL

tuzilla
Tuzilla  (Level: 134.2 - Posts: 3779)
Fri, 17th Mar '06 2:44 PM

My idea. Find someone you know who knows him. Have them start talking to him. Walk up to speak to your friend. At the opportune moment, introduce yourself. Say, something like I always see you, but I never got to meet you. Hope he chats a moment. If not, ask your friend your question. Hope he will enter the conversation. Ask him what he thinks at some point. If he has left, you are now introduced and can start your own chat next time. We have a church directory that would tell us most of the info.

oogie54
Oogie54  (Level: 201.6 - Posts: 1120)
Fri, 17th Mar '06 3:06 PM

Trust me Bethy, there is pretty much no wrong way to approach a guy, if he sees that you are interested in him. If an attractive lady chose to tackle us to the ground and say "How about a date?" we'd most likely say yes, so be yourself and go for it. oog

flybybethy
Flybybethy  (Level: 136.6 - Posts: 155)
Fri, 17th Mar '06 3:10 PM

I HAVE been working out so if I get a running start and hit him dead in....oh, wait--I guess you didn't mean literally tackle him.........

linenlady
Linenlady  (Level: 159.1 - Posts: 306)
Fri, 17th Mar '06 3:36 PM

It might be a good idea to ask the Priest. After all, he isn't likely to blab about it if you do, and if there's anything about the guy that might not be in your interest such as him being married, he could let you know.
Diane

machiabelly
Machiabelly  (Level: 136.2 - Posts: 190)
Fri, 17th Mar '06 4:09 PM

"Hi. My name is . I have noticed that you are usually at mass alone, as am I. I was wondering if you are single, and if you are, would you like to go to coffee after mass next week."
This gives him a chance to let you know his status and saying next week lowers the odds of him being busy. See, if you say go for a coffee now, and he is legitly busy then it is going to seem like an excuse anyway.
Plus, if he is interested it gives him the chance to say...how about now.

jedley
Jedley  (Level: 34.2 - Posts: 278)
Fri, 17th Mar '06 4:14 PM

I think you just keep it simple and say 'Do you know how to use a whip?'

flybybethy
Flybybethy  (Level: 136.6 - Posts: 155)
Fri, 17th Mar '06 4:40 PM

What if I bumped into him on purpose and then said "Excuse me.....I only did that because I wanted to say hello to you."
Too weird/childish/etc.?

violetblue
Violetblue  (Level: 112.2 - Posts: 850)
Fri, 17th Mar '06 5:09 PM

I am enjoying this conversation. I'm about to celebrate my 10th anniversary on Thursday so it's been a long time since I've been in "the game". But why not just a simple, "Hi, I'm Bethany"?

mellonhead
Mellonhead  (Level: 1.8 - Posts: 22)
Fri, 17th Mar '06 6:56 PM

I'd have to agree with Jedley Clampett on this one. Printing up your question and handing it to him would break the ice like a 225,000 ton barge.

First, and most importantly, it's heartfelt and sincere. It's pure honesty.

Second ... it's unique.

Third ... it's witty and humorous.

As for the inpropriety of making a connection in church ... stop and think about that for a minute.

Do you really think God would be upset if two of His followers met at His house, became a family, and brought new followers into the world?

Okay, I'm being presumptuous. Your intentions may be completely sexual in nature .... but, your words don't give any such indication.

Anyway ... quit thinking about it. You'll only talk yourself out of it. Just print it up, walk up to him and say, "I posted this on a website, just to prove that I'm crazy" ... or something to that effect.


flybybethy
Flybybethy  (Level: 136.6 - Posts: 155)
Fri, 17th Mar '06 9:19 PM

Aw, you guys....you're awesome.
You make it sound so easy. And you make me laugh
I'll give it a shot--I'll keep everything in mind and see what comes out of my mouth first.
Besides, what's the worst thing that could happen? Please nobody answer that or I'll lose my courage.

eesusbejesus
Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Sat, 18th Mar '06 5:19 PM

Ask him if he's ever heard of sploofus. Tell him all about it and then say, if you give me your email address, I'll send you all the info about it. Then sign him up through here. Afterwards, you can send him a friendly email asking if he got signed up, how he likes the site, blah blah blah. That way you can test the waters on not only his interests, but slide into a casual discussion about his personal life.

If he joins and picks a username like ILUVTMCRUSE or TEDBUNDYROX then run away.

Lodi

tmj302
Tmj302  (Level: 53.5 - Posts: 129)
Sat, 18th Mar '06 10:32 PM

Can you sit next to him in church? Hang around the back and let him sit, then sit in the same pew? He'll at least have to notice you sitting there, and maybe the small talk will start as you're leaving.

action23
Action23  (Level: 113.6 - Posts: 180)
Sat, 18th Mar '06 11:22 PM

Reminds me of how my wife and I danced around each other at church years ago, when we both really wanted to meet each other, but we were more focused on trying to be good, and getting our individual lives in order.

Now........after 18 years of marriage, we often laugh about how funny we were about not wanting to upset the apple cart at church, etc.

My guess, is that your friend is probably dying to meet you in his own mind, but at the same time may be suffering through similar anxieties.

So...........in your most pleasant personality, simply walk up to him and saym "Hi, my name is ......... I've noticed you at church a lot, and would like to get to know you better. Would you like to have dinner together some time?"

You just never know..........until you ask.

Have fun & good luck!

jack

greyghost
Greyghost  (Level: 68.4 - Posts: 640)
Sun, 19th Mar '06 12:31 AM

Ask him out for a coffee,you go girl.
Karen


aquamar
Aquamar  (Level: 179.0 - Posts: 910)
Sun, 19th Mar '06 2:43 AM

Bethany, I would go for the straight forward approach. " Hi, I'm Bethany, I have noticed that you have been coming to church regularly for awhile and thought it was about time we met." Would you like to go for a coffee maybe next week after church? If you don't act you can't get a reaction! Of course I'm not a professional matchmaker but if you are attracted to the guy, I say, go for it!

Cathy

suzer22
Suzer22  (Level: 165.6 - Posts: 1982)
Sun, 19th Mar '06 10:06 AM

OK Bethany - it's Sunday...we all need to know!! How'd it go???

tuzilla
Tuzilla  (Level: 134.2 - Posts: 3779)
Sun, 19th Mar '06 10:36 AM

Enquiring minds want to know

flybybethy
Flybybethy  (Level: 136.6 - Posts: 155)
Mon, 20th Mar '06 8:51 AM

Ok. Well, I was walking behind him on the way out--I had to drive separately that day so I wasn't with my mom and sisters. He didn't see me until we got closer to the street; then..........nothing. I think he may have had somewhere to be because he looked at his watch the whole mass, and kind of rushed off. So, ugh! All that for nothing! But next week if my opportunity presents itself, it seems the clear winner is "Hi, I'm Bethany, I see you alot, how's about some coffee? and by the way, know how to use a whip?" or something to that effect.
Thanks so much guys!!! Luv ya!!

tuzilla
Tuzilla  (Level: 134.2 - Posts: 3779)
Mon, 20th Mar '06 9:08 AM

You may want to wear a bowling shirt next week and have a fishing boat on a trailer behind your car.

skillet66
Skillet66  (Level: 83.5 - Posts: 210)
Mon, 20th Mar '06 9:24 AM

I just wish i had met jedley before i got engaged-his advice seems interesting,nonetheless!Find out what he drives and block him in the next time,pull your cables off to the battery or distributor.Then say i cannot imagine what's wrong with my car!Go from there!!Martha

mellonhead
Mellonhead  (Level: 1.8 - Posts: 22)
Mon, 20th Mar '06 11:36 AM

"You may want to wear a bowling shirt next week and have a fishing boat on a trailer behind your car".

Thanks, Tuzzy ... I had to wipe off my monitor after reading that.

Anyway ... about this guy ...

Why wait until Sunday? Look him up in the church directory, and give him a call. You don't have to have a reason ... men don't care about these things. If he's interested, he'll be too happy that you called to be worried about why you called.

Even the most complex man is a simpleton when it comes to women. IQ's have been known to drop by as much as 85%. Maturity levels have dropped to unrecordable levels.

Call him up and say, "I was just wondering if I should make dinner or if you'd rather go out and catch a bite". Say it as if you've been married for years.

You have an advantage here, because he's shy. All is fair in love and war, so use the advantage to take control of the situation.

I know the thought makes you nervous, but look at it this way ... you have a dozen guys on this board who are now interested in you, just on what you've said about him. It's unlikely that you'll fail in your mission.

I'll expect transcripts of the phone call by this time tomorrow.

But, I'm not pushing you.

joelwdonnal
Joelwdonnal  (Level: 117.9 - Posts: 268)
Mon, 20th Mar '06 12:32 PM

For one thing - ditch your mom and sis - and go and sit by the guy for a week - maybe can find out something that way too.

Donna

citrusy
Citrusy  (Level: 26.2 - Posts: 118)
Mon, 20th Mar '06 5:31 PM

You can always go with "what a sermon! I really liked the ________" approach. Too bad they weren't making a sequel to The Passion of the Christ, cuz that would be a great date flick that you could discuss over coffee afterwards.
Not too sure about the churchgoing men, but I have had plently o luck with the ...er....aggressive approach.
Give it a try, you will never know unless your try. Not like you can slip a note into his bible....


bushyfox
Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Mon, 20th Mar '06 8:17 PM

......Staying tuned for the next thrilling episode!
FBB, you GOTTA keep us posted on all new developments. We want movie and sequel rights too, y'know!
~Bev

flybybethy
Flybybethy  (Level: 136.6 - Posts: 155)
Tue, 21st Mar '06 3:29 PM

Will do, Bushy, but I retain all book rights.
I'll let you all know when it's coming out. This may be some time as I haven't written it yet

suzer22
Suzer22  (Level: 165.6 - Posts: 1982)
Tue, 21st Mar '06 7:12 PM

I think you need to know more about how it ends before you write the book

action23
Action23  (Level: 113.6 - Posts: 180)
Wed, 5th Apr '06 4:25 PM

Okay Bethany........any updates for the sploofusers?

flybybethy
Flybybethy  (Level: 136.6 - Posts: 155)
Wed, 5th Apr '06 4:37 PM

All i have to say is "Harumph." At least I think that's how you spell a disgruntled noise.
The week after, it was pouring out, so I wasn't going to try and work anything out while I looked like a drowned rat, and he didn't show up this past week. So we'll see what happens again this weekend. It was probably good he wasn't there this past Saturday--I had a monstrous 24-hour hangover and wasn't feeling so hot.

eesusbejesus
Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Wed, 5th Apr '06 6:42 PM

A hangover in church? What a horrible experience.


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