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pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Sun, 15th Feb '09 9:23 AM

ST PAT'S JOKES

Well, now that the lonely girl trifecta of holidays is over (Christmas, New Year's and Valentines Day), it time for some St. Patricks Jokes!

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man.
"I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
"What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man.
"I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!" the first man says.
"I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."

~~~~

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guiness in a pub. Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer. Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back. The Scotsman gently flicks the fly out of his mug and begins drinking. The Irishman, carefully lifts the fly up by its wings and screams, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"



snookerballs
Snookerballs  (Level: 37.9 - Posts: 35)
Sun, 15th Feb '09 9:57 AM

Is it March yet ???????????????????

collioure
Collioure  (Level: 104.8 - Posts: 9952)
Sun, 15th Feb '09 10:08 AM

An Irishman walks into a bar in Ireland orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; wouldn't you rather I draw fresh pints for you one at a time?"

The fellow replies: "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is now in America and the other, in Australia. When we all left home, we promised we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The fellow becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the regulars notice and fall silent, speculating about what might have happened to one of the absent brothers.

When the fellow goes back to the bar for a second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The fellow looks confused for a moment and then a light dawns in his eye and says: "Oh, no, everyone's fine. You see, it's just that I've given up beer for Lent."



mplaw51
Mplaw51  (Level: 179.5 - Posts: 1582)
Mon, 16th Feb '09 12:05 AM

May those who love us, love us; and those who don't love us, may God turn their hearts; and if He doesn't turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles so we'll know them by their limping.

It's always been my favorite...hits the nail on the head!
Maureen

pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Mon, 16th Feb '09 8:07 AM

Joey-Jim was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. "What's wrong, Seamus?" Joey-Jim asked. "Well didn't ya know, Joey-Jim, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?" said Seamus. "Ah, praise the Almighty!" he replied with relief. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

~~~~
Irishman went to a pet shop and asked how many budgies were in stock. "We have 99" replied the shop owner "Give us the lot" said the Irish man, paid for them and left. He went to a tailors shop and had 99 pockets sewn into a jacket, put a budgie in each pocket, went up to the Post Office Tower and jumped off. He hit the ground with an almighty smack and lay there groaning until a passer-by came and asked him what had happened. "I don't know sur" he replied "but that's the last time I try that budgie jumping

~~~~

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser."

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care." The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn." So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!"

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right. He's unshakable!"

The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!"

"Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me."



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