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Quackinator  (Level: 165.3 - Posts: 151)
Sun, 15th Feb '09 10:45 PM


This is a bit long, but I thought you all might enjoy it. I got it from my hubby via e-mail
Mensa Invitational
> Here are the winners of this year's Washington
> Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked
> readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by
> adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a
> new definition:

> 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which
> renders the subject financially impotent for an; indefinite
> period of time.

> 2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an
> asshole.

> 3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which
> lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

> 4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

> 5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people
> that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone
> layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down
> in the near future.

> 6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for
> the purpose of getting laid.

> 7.Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

> 8.Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
> and the person who doesn't get it.

> 9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are
> running late.

> 10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got
> extra credit.)

> 11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is
> sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then,
> like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious
> bummer.

> 12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting
> through the day consuming only things that are good for
> you.

> 13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

> 14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to
> seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

> 15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed
> just after you've accidentally walked through a
> spider web.

> 16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that
> gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be
> cast out.

> 17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding
> half a worm in the fruit youʼre eating.

> The Washington Post has also published the
> winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers
> are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
> And the winners are:

> 1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

> 2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much
> weight one has gained.

> 3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a
> flat stomach.

> 4. Esplanade, v, To attempt an explanation while drunk.

> 5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

> 6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door
> when wearing only a nightgown.

> 7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

> 8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

> 9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up
> someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

> 10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

> 11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.

> 12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted
> by proctologists.

> 13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

> 14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation
> with yiddishisms.

> 15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death,
> the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

> 16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer
> shorts worn by Jewish men.

Koota  (Level: 180.6 - Posts: 2098)
Sun, 15th Feb '09 11:09 PM

Thanks for your post! I laughed out loud ... especially the ones that apply to my work environment.

Mplaw51  (Level: 176.9 - Posts: 1582)
Sun, 15th Feb '09 11:44 PM

I'll be copying and pasting these! I think ignoranus was my favorite though there are too many that run a close second! Thanks for sharing.

Kaufman  (Level: 254.2 - Posts: 3936)
Mon, 16th Feb '09 7:28 AM

Ok, but if you do forward them, the proper name is Washington Post Style Invitational. No idea how the "Mensa" got in there.

It's been run weekly for about 15 years, and you can participate or follow at

PS: Dig deeply enough, you may even see my name

Pennwoman  (Level: 152.3 - Posts: 2478)
Mon, 16th Feb '09 8:11 AM

Oh this was great! Thanks for posting it!

Quackinator  (Level: 165.3 - Posts: 151)
Mon, 16th Feb '09 9:28 AM

Thanks, Kaufman. I always like to give proper credit.

Bigdavy  (Level: 128.8 - Posts: 526)
Mon, 16th Feb '09 10:53 PM

Mensa or not, these are just brilliant! Thanks for sharing!

- bigdavy

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