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Pennwoman  (Level: 152.3 - Posts: 2478)
Wed, 4th Mar '09 12:36 PM


Feel free to add your favorite
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead escaped from prison. They were running along when they came upon a dock. On the dock were three gunnysacks. They could hear the cops approaching, so the brunette
suggested that they get in the sacks. So they got in the sacks right before the cops arrived. A cop kicked the sack with the redhead in it, and she said, "Ruff ruff ruff!" He said, "Oh, it's only a dog."
He kicked the one with the brunette in it, and she said "Meow meow meow."
He said, "Oh, it's only a cat."
Then, he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and she said, "POTATOES POTATOES POTATOES!"

Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12009)
Wed, 4th Mar '09 1:10 PM


Three women are competing in the 100 metre breast stroke.
The brunette clocks in at 3 minutes 30 seconds.
The redhead does it in 2 minutes 20 seconds.
The blonde takes 5 hours.

"No fair", says the blonde,"you guys used your hands!"

I hasten to remind you that these are not NATURAL blondes. This is what those poor stupid brunettes have done to themselves by putting chemicals on their heads trying to look like us.

Ladyvol  (Level: 203.2 - Posts: 5441)
Wed, 4th Mar '09 6:16 PM

I'm a natural brunette here...had my hair streaked one time...No pure blond though...I'll have to come up with a blond joke or two....

Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12009)
Wed, 4th Mar '09 6:23 PM

The bleach blonde becomes a handyman to make extra money. She asks a neighbor if he has any work she can do to earn some money.

Guy says, "Yes, sure. How much to paint my porch?". The blonde says $100.

The homeowner says "Fine, the paint is in the garage."

Homeowner closes the door and his wife asks "Does she realize our porch surrounds the whole house?".

Guy shrugs and smirks and says, "I dont know, but the deal is done."

Half an hour later the blonde knocks on the front door and says she's finished, that there was plenty of paint, and that she gave it two coats. And that by the way, "Its not a Porch, its a LEXUS!"

Bbear  (Level: 160.0 - Posts: 2301)
Wed, 4th Mar '09 6:43 PM

Smoke - major groan

Ladyvol  (Level: 203.2 - Posts: 5441)
Wed, 4th Mar '09 6:56 PM

Blond In First Class

There is a blond on a plane to New York. She is sitting in the first class section, but her ticket says that she should be in the coach section. A flight attendant realizes the blonde's mistake and asks her politely to move. The blond won't move. All she says is, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."
The flight attendant goes and tells all of the other flight attendants. They all try to persuade the blond to move, but she won't move. All she says is, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."

The flight attendants go and tell the pilot about the obnoxious blond. They tell him the only thing that she says. He puts the plane on auto-pilot and whispers something in the blonde's ear.

Immediately, she gets up and moves to her normal seat. Then the pilot goes back to fly the plane. The flight attendants are all very curious about how the pilot made the blond move so quickly.

They ask him and he says, "Oh, it was easy. All i had to do was tell her that the first class section wasn't going to New York!"

Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4597)
Wed, 4th Mar '09 7:04 PM

All good, but Smoke, that one was the best ever!

Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12009)
Wed, 4th Mar '09 7:46 PM

I got a million of 'em.

Blonde walking down the street with a shopping bag in each hand. Man asks her what's in the bags. "Melons" the blonde answers. The man says "If I can guess how many melons you have, will you give me one?" Blonde says "If you can guess how many melons I have I'll give you both of them!"

Mistymented1  (Level: 26.0 - Posts: 163)
Wed, 4th Mar '09 9:05 PM

A Blonde says "I was worried that my Mechanic was going to try and rip me off!
I was so relieved when he told me that all I needed was turn signal fluid!"
A Blondie and her husband, Blondo had nine children. They went to the doctor
to see about getting the husband "fixed".

The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what had finally
made them make the decision. Why after nine children would they choose to do this?

The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten
children born in the United States, was Mexican. They didn't want to take a chance on
having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish!
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her
question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls
your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12009)
Wed, 4th Mar '09 10:28 PM

Loved the vacuum one!

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she's never had lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to the slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup; she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune... Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

And you thought all they did was say hello.

Sherilynn1962  (Level: 116.2 - Posts: 372)
Thu, 5th Mar '09 12:12 AM

A blonde lady is tired of everybody making fun of blondes and telling blonde jokes, so she decides to prove once and for all that blondes are not dumb. She dyes her hair black and is walking through a meadow when she spots a shepherd tending his sheep. She says, "Mister, if I can tell you the exact number of sheep you have, will you give me one?"

The shepherd agrees to the deal, and the lady says, "You have 257 sheep". He is astounded and tells her to take her pick from the herd.

The lady looks around, hoists up her pick, and begins walking away.

As she walks by, the shepherd says to her, "Hey, lady. If I tell you the REAL color of your hair will you give me my dog back?"

Pennwoman  (Level: 152.3 - Posts: 2478)
Thu, 5th Mar '09 8:04 AM

Two blondes and a brunette are hanging off the side of a volcano, and decide to see who can stay there the longest. They've been there for about 2 hours when the brunette says "I know, lets sing a song to keep us amused. If you're happy and you know it clap your hands"....

There are a blonde, brunette, and a red head and they all die and go to the gates of Heaven. There is a angel there and he says if you dont laugh at any of my 100 jokes, you can go to Heaven. So he starts saying the jokes and when he reaches 37 the red head laughs, and when he reaches 65 the brunette laughs. Then he gets up to number 99 and the blond starts laughing. He asks her, "Why did you start laughing you had one more to go?!?" she replys, "I just got the first joke!!"

Sandracam  (Level: 149.3 - Posts: 4190)
Thu, 5th Mar '09 8:07 AM

LOL! These are all great!

Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12009)
Thu, 5th Mar '09 8:38 AM

A family goes into a motel lobby in Las Vegas, and sees a bleach blonde putting money in a soda machine. On the floor beside the blonde are stacks and stacks of soft drinks. The man asks the blonde, "Excuse me, what are you doing?"

The blonde stops, looks at the man and says "Duh, I'm winning!"

Three high-rise workers - an Italian, a Navajo and a blond - broke for lunch from their framing work on the 26th floor.

Vito opened his lunch box. "Lasagna again! I'm so sick of lasagna, that if I get it again tomorrow, I swear I'm gonna jump!" The Navajo looked at his lunch, "I know how you feel, man, I got fried bread and beans again. I swear if I get this tomorrow, I'm jumping with you!" The blond said "Another bologna sandwich! I'll jump with you guys if I get this crap again tomorrow!"

The next day it was lasagna, fried bread and beans, and a bologna sandwich. All three jumped.

At the joint funeral their three spouses were sobbing. "If I knew he hated lasagna so much, I would've packed something else," said the Italian's widow. "He never told me he hated fried bread and beans," sobbed the widow of the Navajo.

"Don't look at me," said the widow of the blond. "He packed his own lunch!"

Credit where due - I'm getting these from the jokes file at www.prairiehome.public - great place to find a chuckle any time you need one.

Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12009)
Thu, 5th Mar '09 8:40 AM

FYI: 32 smileys to a line.

Pennwoman  (Level: 152.3 - Posts: 2478)
Thu, 5th Mar '09 12:28 PM

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'

'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs.'

Spicyhedgehog  (Level: 96.2 - Posts: 69)
Thu, 5th Mar '09 3:22 PM

Natural dark blonde here so feel i can include my joke! lol

Blind guy walks into a womens only bar by mistake, he orders a drink and says to the bar maid do you want to hear a joke about blondes? Silence falls and the woman next to him says before you say anything the girl behind the bar is blonde, the girl on the door is blonde and im a 6ft 16st blonde with a black belt in karate and my friend here is a blonde wrestler, do you still want to tell your joke?
no says the guy not if ive got to explain it 4 times!

Mistymented1  (Level: 26.0 - Posts: 163)
Fri, 6th Mar '09 1:30 AM

A man sitting next to a beautiful blonde on a plane looked

over to see her sitting there in shock from the headline in

the newspaper she was holding, which read "12 Brazilian

Soldiers Killed in Riots."

She turned toward him and with trembling voice asked

"How many is a brazilian?


She was Soooooooo Blonde that...

She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

On her way to DisneyWorld she saw a sign that said,

“DisneyWorld Left” - so, she turned around and went home.


BLONDE AT GATE= if he sees his shadow,
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde were all in a terrible car
accident, and all died tragically.

At the gates of Heaven, they were met by St. Peter, who said to them:

"Ok, I'll ask you each one question, and if you answer correctly, you may
enter the gates of Heaven."

First, he asked the brunette: "What is Easter?" She answered:

"Oh, it's when people get a big tree and decorate it and exchange gifts!"

"No." St. Peter answered, rather disappointed.

Next, he asked the redhead: "What is Easter?

"Oh, it's when people get all dressed-up and go door to door
'trick or treating'!" She answered.

St. Peter sighed, "No." By this time, he was very discouraged, and
when he saw that the blonde was the only one left, he was positive
she wouldn't know, but he asked anyway:

"What is Easter?"

Confident, she began: "It is a celebration of the man who
died on the cross after going up a large hill, carrying his
cross, and stumbling three times..."

"You're right!" St. Peter was overjoyed, but the blonde
continued: "And when he finally died they laid him in a tomb..."

"No, no, that's quite enough, dear, you are correct!" St. Peter
exclaimed happily, but the blonde persisted:

"And every year, he comes out of his tomb, and if he sees his
shadow, we have six more weeks of winter."


ELDERLY MATRON?BLONDE/adultry vs smoking
It was afternoon in the crowded cafeteria. The elderly

matron sitting at the counter was obviously upset at the

cigarette smoke of the young blonde woman beside her.

Finally the older woman could take it no longer. She turned

to the blonde and bellowed with a loud voice, "Young lady, I

would rather commit adultery than smoke!"

"So would I," quipped the blonde, "but you know, there just

isn't time enough during a coffee break."


How do you change a blonde's mind?
Blow in her ear.

Bobbsey  (Level: 153.2 - Posts: 252)
Fri, 6th Mar '09 5:45 AM

they are all good, but i liked spicy hedgehogs the best so far. just got home from work, thanks for the laught, and i was a natural blonde many summers ago, lol

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