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pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Mon, 16th Mar '09 2:25 PM

MEN, WOMEN, MARRIAGE JOKES

One day, God and Adam were walking in the Garden of Eden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth.

"Adam, you can start by kissing Eve."

"Lord, what is a kiss?" asked Adam.

God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and kissed her.

A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord! That was great! What's next?"

"Adam, I now want you to caress Eve."

"Lord, what is caress?" asked Adam.

God explained, then Adam took Eve behind the bush and caressed her.

A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord that was even better than a kiss! What's next?"

"Here is what gets the deed done. I now want you to make love to Eve."

"Lord, what is make love?" asked Adam.

God explained, then Adam took Eve behind the bush.

A few seconds later, Adam returned and asked, "Lord, what is a headache?"

jeannette
Jeannette  (Level: 111.1 - Posts: 1736)
Mon, 16th Mar '09 2:29 PM

love it pen
lol

pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Mon, 16th Mar '09 4:23 PM

Doctor Dave slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't.
The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. Every once in a while though,
he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said:
"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last.
And you're single. Let it go..."
But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality: "Dave, you're a vet..."

pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Mon, 16th Mar '09 4:39 PM

Woman's perfect breakfast....

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the
milk carton

pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Mon, 16th Mar '09 10:43 PM

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
~~~~
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met
Rodney Dangerfield
~~~~
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
~~~~
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
George Burns
~~~~
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."
I asked her , "Where's the car?" She replied, "In the lake."
Henny Youngman
~~~~
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
~~~~

A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
"A billionaire." she replied,
~~~~
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

~~~~
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
~~~~
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
~~~~
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.
~~~~
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.
~~~~


chickfbref1
Chickfbref1  (Level: 120.7 - Posts: 2012)
Mon, 16th Mar '09 10:46 PM

Bwahahaha....love them!!!



pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Tue, 17th Mar '09 11:10 AM

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.

God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."

With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created, you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only,one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here.

davidf
Davidf  (Level: 102.1 - Posts: 746)
Tue, 17th Mar '09 11:45 AM

I once married a women and after some years she walked away and never came back again

I forget the punchline though

achad
Achad  (Level: 204.2 - Posts: 661)
Tue, 17th Mar '09 11:55 AM

I had one do the same: she walked away with the house, car the lot. That was a sucker punchline!

davidf
Davidf  (Level: 102.1 - Posts: 746)
Tue, 17th Mar '09 12:25 PM

I can imagine, mine only took my future, luckily I can change it

goddess28
Goddess28  (Level: 92.6 - Posts: 5236)
Tue, 17th Mar '09 1:15 PM

"But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality: "Dave, you're a vet..."

OH OH OHHHHHHHHHHH!

pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Tue, 17th Mar '09 5:23 PM

"I bet you don't know what day this is", said the wife to her husband as he made his way out the front door.

The husband was perplexed, but was always a quick thinker: "Of course I do, my dear. How could I ever forget!?"

With that,he turned and rushed to catch the bus for work.

At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses.
At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, a two-pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived.
The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. The husband was smug when he returned from work, satisfied that he had recovered what could have been a very bad situation.
His wife was indeed surprised, "First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed, "I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!"

pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Wed, 18th Mar '09 8:50 AM


mlienda
Mlienda  (Level: 1.0 - Posts: 1)
Wed, 18th Mar '09 12:12 PM

dont be jackass

davidf
Davidf  (Level: 102.1 - Posts: 746)
Wed, 18th Mar '09 12:16 PM

Ok

pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Wed, 18th Mar '09 1:49 PM

David, you are a delight, never the jackass!
~~
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."

crazy4games
Crazy4games  (Level: 123.0 - Posts: 1020)
Wed, 18th Mar '09 11:01 PM

Too funny, Martina.

David....maybe she's back!


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