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tuzilla
Tuzilla  (Level: 133.8 - Posts: 3777)
Wed, 25th Mar '09 3:42 PM

COMPUTER VIRUS ALERT!

BOBBIT VIRUS
Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attaches it. (But that part will never work again.)

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

AT&T VIRUS
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI VIRUS
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

PAUL REVERE VIRUS This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack -- once if by LAN, twice if by C/:

POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS
Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

ROSS PEROT VIRUS
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits.

MARIO CUOMO VIRUS
It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

TED TURNER VIRUS
Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #1
Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining into a binary network.

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2
Their is sumthing rong wit your komputer, ewe jsut cant figyour out watt!

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS
Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

GALLUP VIRUS
Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin or error).

TEXAS VIRUS
Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

ADAM AND EVE VIRUS
Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #1
The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

AIRLINE VIRUS
You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

FREUDIAN VIRUS
Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

PBS VIRUS
Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.

ELVIS VIRUS
Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self-destructs -- only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

OLLIE NORTH VIRUS
Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.

SEARS VIRUS
Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and a set of shocks.

JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS
Your programs can never be found again.

KEVORKIAN VIRUS
Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.

IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS
Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot-up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.

STAR TREK VIRUS
Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS
Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong and sends you a bill for $4,500.

GEORGE BUSH VIRUS
It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs ... no new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.

NEW YORK JETS VIRUS
Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.

LAPD VIRUS
It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense."

CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS
Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.

ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS
Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars, its programmer will take it back.

O.J. VIRUS
It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your files and vows to find the virus that did it.


sandracam
Sandracam  (Level: 149.3 - Posts: 4190)
Wed, 25th Mar '09 3:49 PM

LOL! Those were all great!

collioure
Collioure  (Level: 104.7 - Posts: 9952)
Wed, 25th Mar '09 5:02 PM

Why did you put the Bobbit virus first?

jeannette
Jeannette  (Level: 110.8 - Posts: 1736)
Wed, 25th Mar '09 5:08 PM

lol made me lol


spacecat
Spacecat  (Level: 158.5 - Posts: 667)
Wed, 25th Mar '09 5:19 PM

Actually Bobbit proved his member was healthy in his porn movie called Bobbit Uncut

felix
Felix  (Level: 109.3 - Posts: 2500)
Wed, 25th Mar '09 5:27 PM

You forgot the Obama virus. It continually backs up.

tuzilla
Tuzilla  (Level: 133.8 - Posts: 3777)
Wed, 25th Mar '09 5:40 PM

I just cut & pasted the list. I didn't write it. I only delete the BushAdmin virus because it makes a huge mess, but deletes itself and pretends it is not responsible for anything.

sherilynn1962
Sherilynn1962  (Level: 116.2 - Posts: 372)
Thu, 26th Mar '09 12:58 AM

Hey, my husband worked for the CPA in Vegas who did Bobbitt's taxes and the guy showed them his, um.......you know what (after it was all better, of course).....EWWWW!!!!


:-p

rowlanda
Rowlanda  (Level: 70.0 - Posts: 2856)
Thu, 26th Mar '09 1:40 AM

Very funny and creative Steve.....
Thanks for cutting and pasting
and passing it on.

kaufman
Kaufman  (Level: 256.8 - Posts: 3936)
Thu, 26th Mar '09 5:59 AM

Here at the IRS, we may charge you an arm and a leg, but never one of those.

felix
Felix  (Level: 109.3 - Posts: 2500)
Thu, 26th Mar '09 7:17 AM

I once worked for the IRS, but told my family that I was a chicken disembowelment technician so as not to cause them undo embarrassment.

caramel1
Caramel1  (Level: 128.2 - Posts: 21596)
Thu, 26th Mar '09 8:03 AM

I was wondering why Steve didn't mention that one, Felix, good for you-Linda

felix
Felix  (Level: 109.3 - Posts: 2500)
Thu, 26th Mar '09 8:13 AM

LOL! Did you think he'd be "Fair and Balanced". It's gonna be an "ITYS" next four years.

tuzilla
Tuzilla  (Level: 133.8 - Posts: 3777)
Thu, 26th Mar '09 9:12 AM

If you read my other post, you would see it was cut and pasted, NOT mine. SO wonder if you will, but wonder about the person who wrote it.


felix
Felix  (Level: 109.3 - Posts: 2500)
Thu, 26th Mar '09 9:21 AM

If your comment about the BushAdmin Virus was cut and paste, then why delete it only to re-post it? Besides I was talking to Linda. Linda Rocks!

rowlanda
Rowlanda  (Level: 70.0 - Posts: 2856)
Fri, 27th Mar '09 1:02 AM

OMG....I too must have been eavesdropping!!!!
Don't shout ao loud in future....

sandracam
Sandracam  (Level: 149.3 - Posts: 4190)
Fri, 27th Mar '09 2:05 AM

The Bush Admin virus was my favorite!

collioure
Collioure  (Level: 104.7 - Posts: 9952)
Fri, 27th Mar '09 4:35 AM

I hope you'll be able to laugh at the sequel, Sandy.

felix
Felix  (Level: 109.3 - Posts: 2500)
Fri, 27th Mar '09 4:54 AM

Must be a Canadian term????????????????????


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