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Spicyhedgehog  (Level: 96.2 - Posts: 69)
Tue, 21st Apr '09 4:50 PM


this was sent to me by email and I thought you all would like it. Some you may have heard before, I know I have but they still make me smile.


Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to 'put your 'two pennyworth' in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? ?Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a haemorrhoid when it's in your backside?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes,
why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses
are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialised?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping trolley then apologises for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVOURITE.......
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Collioure  (Level: 102.4 - Posts: 9952)
Tue, 21st Apr '09 4:53 PM

Shades of Steven Wright.

Salzypat  (Level: 154.4 - Posts: 5295)
Tue, 21st Apr '09 5:03 PM

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

This one has really bugged me for years. Half the time I can't get the fixture off to clean them out.

Pennwoman  (Level: 152.3 - Posts: 2478)
Tue, 21st Apr '09 7:00 PM

Those were great, thank you!

Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4597)
Tue, 21st Apr '09 7:10 PM

I had never heard most of those. Fun post!

Sandracam  (Level: 149.3 - Posts: 4190)
Tue, 21st Apr '09 7:44 PM

HAHAHA! Thanks!

Lowiq  (Level: 201.2 - Posts: 1938)
Tue, 21st Apr '09 9:09 PM

Why is it that when your house burns down, all your appliances burn up?

M48ortal  (Level: 248.2 - Posts: 3734)
Wed, 22nd Apr '09 12:01 AM

I'm at a conference, so I printed these off (2 pages) and sent one left and one right while sitting in a meeting. During this boring session about the 'paradigms of andragogy in this perilous economy', I could hear people trying to stifle a giggle as the pages reached them.

Also, why do they call it a missile when it's designed to hit something?

Nanpaulhus  (Level: 137.9 - Posts: 338)
Wed, 22nd Apr '09 12:13 AM

I received that email also (and loved it).

A few more: Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?
If you can add water to powdered milk to get reconstituted milk, and add water to koolaid powder to get koolaid, what happens if you add water to baby powder?

And my son's favorite: If pro is the opposite of con, is congress the opposite of progress?

Btsyshsbnd  (Level: 73.3 - Posts: 61)
Wed, 22nd Apr '09 8:03 AM

my brother's stock answer to questions like this is, "Just lucky I guess." There are two answers I always used when my kids were young and ask the unanswerable questions. The first is, "It's majic." The second is, "Go ask your mother."

Btsyshsbnd  (Level: 73.3 - Posts: 61)
Thu, 23rd Apr '09 12:04 AM

The one question that always puzzled me is this, Why is it called common sense when it's so damn rare?

Mcelfie  (Level: 29.0 - Posts: 3)
Sat, 25th Apr '09 10:52 PM

I was already a bit confused..but now ....I want my banky

Jeannette  (Level: 109.5 - Posts: 1736)
Sun, 26th Apr '09 2:32 AM

lol enjoyed that

Jeannette  (Level: 109.5 - Posts: 1736)
Sun, 26th Apr '09 2:51 AM

why do people say you know when we clearly dont

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