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Clevercloggs  (Level: 27.4 - Posts: 1246)
Fri, 24th Apr '09 10:32 AM


"The thought of being unable to seize the seven-headed serpent and hurl it into the abyss really keeps Me motivated," Christ said.
The Lamb of God said He made the decision to get in shape late last year when, after two millennia of relative inactivity, He realized that at His age there was "no way" He could return to Earth, judge the souls of the innocent and wicked alike, and reign over the Kingdom of God for 1,000 years without prior conditioning.
"The Second Coming isn't just Me sitting on a great white throne and judging away," Christ said. "I also have to make all of the stars fall and shake all the powers in Heaven. That's why I've been working a lot with the medicine ball."
Christ, however, admitted that centuries of heavenly grace had enabled Him to "really let [Himself] go."
"I can't lead the armies of Heaven looking like some flabby slob," said Christ, who declined to disclose His "before" weight. "That guy can't be the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. The faithful want a Messiah they can truly fear, not someone who's afraid to take off His shirt in public."
At first, Christ said He thought such a physical transformation would "take a miracle." During the first couple weeks of His exercise program, He couldn't work out on the treadmill for more than 10 minutes without gasping for breath and aggravating the old spear-point injury in His side. Now that He can deftly complete 20 ab-bench push-ups on the highest incline and almost as many chin-ups, Christ said, He feels more energetic than He has since His early 30s.
And not only has frequent exercise made Christ feel more healthy and confident, it's "cleared [His] head, which will really help [Him] deal with the massive amount of smiting and condemning."
Encouraged by His progress, particularly the increased definition in His pectoral and abdominal muscles, Christ is focusing all of His attention on visualizing the success of His Second Coming.
"Right now, it's all about Aug. 2," the goal-oriented Savior said. "And no matter how I look, there's no going back on this one like I did seven years ago."

Sploofus Editor
Sploofacadabra (Editor)  
Fri, 24th Apr '09 10:40 AM

Apologies for deleting the other part of your post, Clevercloggs, I thought it was a duplicate post. Please feel free to repost.

Clevercloggs  (Level: 27.4 - Posts: 1246)
Fri, 24th Apr '09 1:56 PM

No Sweat, will do

Barnierubble  (Level: 93.9 - Posts: 637)
Sat, 25th Apr '09 2:37 AM

Why, its rubbish anyway?

Sandracam  (Level: 149.3 - Posts: 4190)
Sat, 25th Apr '09 2:45 AM

I'm a confirmed agnostic. I didn't find anything of merit or humor in this post.

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