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Pennwoman  (Level: 161.8 - Posts: 2476)
Sat, 16th May '09 6:50 PM


A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in.

The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!" The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away...the Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the Redhead.

"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead.

"No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!"

"OK" says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.

Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"

"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde.

"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"

"Look," the Blonde says. "Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it...."

Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Sat, 16th May '09 7:10 PM

Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their Uncle, who had
been a seafaring gentleman all his life, to bury him at sea when he died.

Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the two blondes kept their promise.
They set off from Clearwater Beach with their uncle all stitched up in a
burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat. After a while Bubbles says,
'Do you think we're out far enough, Barbie?' Barbie slipped over the side and
finding the water only knee deep said, 'nope, not yet Bubbles'.
So they row a little farther.... Again Bubbles asks Barbie, 'Do you
think we''re out far enough now?'
Once again Barbie slips over the side and almost immediately says, 'No,
this will never do, the water is only up to my chest.'
So on they row and row and row, and finally Barbie slips over the side
and disappears.
Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Bubbles is really getting worried
when suddenly Barbie breaks the surface, gasping for breath she says,
'OK, it's finally deep enough. Hand me the shovel.'


Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Sat, 16th May '09 7:11 PM


A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help
me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get

Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'

The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
her and says,

'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'

He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a
nice cup of tea, and then ..' he said with a deep sigh, . .. . . . .. .

'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'


Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Sat, 16th May '09 7:13 PM

Blonde Cookbook


It's fun to cook for Bill. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately.
The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.


Bill wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress.
What a surprise when Bill brought a friend home for supper.


A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice.
It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway.
I can't say it improved the rice any.


Today Bill asked for salad again I tried a new recipe.
It said prepare ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving.
Bill asked me why I was rolling around in the garden..


I found an easy recipe for cookies.
It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it.
There must have been something wrong with this recipe.
When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.


Bill did the shopping today and brought home a chicken.
He asked me to dress it for Sunday.
I don't have any clothes that fit it, and for some reason Bill keeps counting to ten.


Bill's folks came to dinner.
I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger.
Suddenly I had a flash of genius..
I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast.
It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.


This has been a very exciting week!
I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bill.
If I can talk Bill into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a chocolate moose.

Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Sat, 16th May '09 7:15 PM

Two Blondes With Hammers

Barbie and Bubbles, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Barbie, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.

Bubbles, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you throwing those nails away?'

Barbie explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.'

Bubbles got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!'


You might have to think twice about this one.

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip Of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her.

'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.

'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?'

'No, silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest'.'

'So then?' asked the doctor.

'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth'.'

'So then?'

'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to make a loud noise.' So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.'


A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?' The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.'


A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos.

She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk To ask what it was.

The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.'

'Wow,' said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.

Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked?

'Why, that's a thermos..... it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,' she replied.

Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'

The blonde replied..... ...'Two popsicles and some coffee.'

..........I wonder how they manage to cross the street, or find their way home!?

Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Sat, 16th May '09 7:18 PM

A blonde called Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?"

The agent replied: "Just a minute..........."

"Thank you", the blonde said, and hung up.

Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Sat, 16th May '09 7:19 PM

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane energy-efficient kind.

Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I had not paid for them yet.

Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.
So I told him just exactly what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME last year...namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

Helllooooo'? (I told him). It's been a year'!

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up....
He hasn't called back, probably too embarrassed about forgetting the guarantee they made me.

Bet he won't underestimate a blonde anymore.

Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Sat, 16th May '09 7:20 PM

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from Mississippi arrived and bet
twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much
luckier when I play topless." With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and
"Come on, baby.... Southern Girl needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down and squealed,
She hugged each of the dealers... And then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at
each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know...I thought you were watching."

Not all Southerners are stupid.
Not all blondes are dumb.
But, all men..... are still men.

Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Sat, 16th May '09 7:22 PM

A blind man wandered into a Female Biker Bar by mistake.
He found his way to a bar stool and ordered some coffee.

After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey,you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately fell absolutely silent.
In a very deep,husky voice, the woman next to him said,
'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you're blind,
that you should know five things:

1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind man thought for a second, shook his head, and muttered....

'Nope, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Sat, 16th May '09 7:24 PM

Maybe the Best Blonde Joke Ever !!

Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One
would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in.
They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to
the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a
hole, the other girl filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they
were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you
two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole
only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably
looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who
plants the trees called in sick."

Awrighty, I can hear you groaning.....I'm going now!!


M48ortal  (Level: 261.6 - Posts: 3826)
Sat, 16th May '09 8:10 PM

The fire department gets a call.

"Help! Help! my house is on fire!"

"Just stay calm please. How do we get there?"

"Duh! In a big red truck..."

Pennwoman  (Level: 161.8 - Posts: 2476)
Sat, 16th May '09 8:10 PM

LMAO, those were great!
But I will have you know, that I am a natural blonde.
It says so right on the box of color...

Ne1410s  (Level: 249.9 - Posts: 24)
Sat, 16th May '09 9:17 PM

A blond calls a travel agent.

"I would like to book a flight to Orlando."

"How many will be traveling with you?"

"How would I know? It's your plane!!"

Headylamar  (Level: 154.1 - Posts: 740)
Sat, 16th May '09 11:33 PM

I'm gonna apologize in advance for this one......

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.
She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake, and to her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with
a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'

To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check. 'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads.'

Madamec8  (Level: 85.9 - Posts: 897)
Sun, 17th May '09 5:30 AM

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Madamec8  (Level: 85.9 - Posts: 897)
Sun, 17th May '09 5:31 AM

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"

She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

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