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Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Sat, 6th May '06 9:36 PM


OK, at Jedley's request, let's discuss worst movies ever. I'm thinking he must have a lot to unload. I'll start with a couple I thought were horrible. I couldn't even get through either of these before shutting them off.

One is Gone Fishin' with Joe Pesci and Danny Glover and the second is The Stupids with Tom Arnold.

So, let's hear your worst movies.


Captaintony  (Level: 79.5 - Posts: 75)
Sat, 6th May '06 11:40 PM

In no particular order....

"Lambada, the Forbidden Dance"
"Jingle All The Way"
"The Last Action Hero"
"Manos: The Hands of Fate"
"Dirty Dancing"
"Masters of the Universe"

Ladyvol  (Level: 202.8 - Posts: 5434)
Sun, 7th May '06 8:19 AM

Dirty Dancing? ah come on's a great movie.....LOL....
Napoleon Dynamite would go on my list....alonge with Under The Rainbow....

  (Level: . - Posts: 56)
Sun, 7th May '06 10:06 AM   [ edit ]

I could go into the junky B-movies and such, but I am going to pick 4 high profile movies and absorb the flack for doing so because I really don't like them and what they stand for. So beat me, if you will. Just don't throw me in the NASCAR/Sports/video store patch

1. "Gladiator" -- The plot in this movie is such a straight and branchless line it could pass for the definition of a line in a Geometry book. Furthermore, it has been done countless times before, and far better. Recent examples of movies that did a much better job with the same plot are "Last of the Mohicans" and "Braveheart". For all that happens, they could have condensed it down from 3 hours to about 10 minutes.

"King Arthur" -- A new high watermark in phony, contrived history. I didn't hit Gladiator for this because it pales in comparison to this mess. Everything is wrong. People are in the wrong places, invasions come from wrong places. They have Chinese swords in a time when China was unknown to the West. The have trebuchets several hundred years before they were invented. Hadrian's Wall is engineered and built to rival Hoover or the new Three Gorges dams, not the piled rocks you see if you visit it. And so it goes ad nauseum.

3. "The Towering Inferno" -- My poster movie for over produced, over dramatized, over starred fecal matter. Many other movies could substitute for it, but Irwin Allen was the master and this was his showpiece. Basically it is a bunch of stars and wannabe stars herded into a movie. They are rushed into a huge disaster and spend the rest of the movie overdrantizing the delivery of line...making something as simple as "I am thirsty." come off with the urgency an oncoming apocalypse.

4. "Bambi" -- The showpiece of how Disney's gets anything dealing with facts/reality wrong. It would have been harmless if they had brought a hunter into the mix complete with rabid-acting dogs, blasting at anything that moves and eventually burning down the place. Hunting never was, never is and never will be anything like this despite the occasional fool who shoots himself or his friend. Ninety-nine percent of the anti-hunting movement finds its roots out of this total misuse of fiction.

Honorable mentions...Titanic, Pearl harbor and anything with Ellen Burstyn, or Alan Alda after M*A*S*H.

Opiated  (Level: 181.2 - Posts: 18)
Sun, 7th May '06 12:56 PM   [ edit ]

Off the top of my head:

Battlefield Earth
Shanghai Surprise

Kaufman  (Level: 253.9 - Posts: 3936)
Mon, 8th May '06 10:28 AM   [ edit ]

First to CaptainTony, I must respectfully disagree with "Last Action Hero" -- viewed in the light of a spoof making fun of itself, it's actually pretty good. Also your putting "Manos" in the list sort of disqualifies anything else you included from coming close in comparison.

That said, however, let's add:

Glen or Glenda
Hercules (1984, Lou Ferrigno)
Ghostbusters 2
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

And my controversial pick, but let me assure you, if you were a 14 year-old boy dragged captive audience with your sisters, and had to sit bored to tears through all those not 1 1/2, not 2, but 2 1/2 hours of "Funny Lady," you'd probably be (a) wondering where the "Funny" in the title came from, and (b) scarred for life.

Twoxfourman  (Level: 82.4 - Posts: 153)
Mon, 8th May '06 10:42 AM   [ edit ]

Darkman ranks high on my list of bad movies, as well as Unbreakable.

Queentxf  (Level: 90.6 - Posts: 55)
Mon, 8th May '06 4:06 PM   [ edit ]

I'll have to agree with 2x4 on Darkman...the fun we had watching that movie came from the comments made by other unfortunate viewers in the theater. They were the only reason we didn't walk out!! A vote also goes to Made In Heaven, which was far worse than Darkman. I'm bored to tears just THINKING about that stinker!

Mrsgc  (Level: 10.0 - Posts: 231)
Mon, 8th May '06 5:24 PM   [ edit ]

Most sequels with the exception of 'Blues Brothers 2' and 'MIB 2' ' and maybe a couple of others. Though I still prefer the first film the follow ups on those were okay.

Most horror films. An ex boyfriend used to love them and one I watched with him I think was called 'The Cube' - It was definatly the worst film I have seen.

Personally I like 'Dirty Dancing' but probably more for the music than the story lol

Oogie54  (Level: 198.6 - Posts: 1120)
Mon, 8th May '06 10:03 PM   [ edit ]


Pafork  (Level: 132.0 - Posts: 537)
Tue, 9th May '06 2:59 AM   [ edit ]

I'm sure Hercules and Lambada are worse than anything I've seen, but most people probably wouldn't expect a lot from them in the first place. What gets me are the cringe-inducing, unbelievably horrible movies I had originally thought might be good, or at least entertaining.
For instance:

Bounce (Ben Affleck, who has an Oscar for
writing, delivers the worst line ever. I literally felt robbed of 2 hours of my life after watching this.)

Simone (Al Pacino & Catherine Keener! We thought it would have to get better eventually, but it got worse, and worse and...)

Pay It Foward (*retch*)

Home Fries (idiotic plot, unlikable characters)

50 First Dates (It might not have been SO awful
without Rob Schneider's offensive "Hawaiian" character. Maybe.)

Monkey Heart (or whatever that terrible Cristian
Slater/Marisa Tomei thing was)

Clay Pigeons (Was Vince Vaughn supposed to be
funny? I can watch violence but this was just pointless)

The Mothman Prophecies ("chapstick..." It cracked us up for days)

And thus (along w/'Battlefield Earth, already mentioned) ends my list of Netflix movies I've given only one star. It generally doesn't take much to entertain me!

Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Tue, 9th May '06 8:46 AM   [ edit ]

Hey what about "Alien vs. Predator?" My husband drug me to that in the movie theater. Thankfully, movie theater fake buttered popcorn is one of my favorite foods.

Helsleym78  (Level: 54.9 - Posts: 54)
Tue, 9th May '06 1:27 PM   [ edit ]

Hey, Pafork...Monkey Heart=Untamed Heart. Just so you know, but I agree with you!

Tjwgct  (Level: 126.5 - Posts: 148)
Tue, 9th May '06 2:44 PM   [ edit ]

Anyone, other than myself, ever watched 'Open Water'? Literally two hours of two people floating in the ocean, with an occasional shark appearance...or how 'bout Spike Lee's 'She Hate Me'??

  (Level: . - Posts: 56)
Tue, 9th May '06 6:23 PM   [ edit ]

Here is my worst movie list;#1 being the worst.
10.Grease 2 1982
9.Jaws 3 in 3-D 1983
8.Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band 1978
7.Gymkata 1985
6.Lambada 1990
5.Spice World 1998
4.Shanghai Surprise 1986
3.Anaconda 1997
2.Breakin' 2 Electric Boogaloo 1984
1.Caddyshack II 1988

Mclick  (Level: 27.9 - Posts: 4)
Tue, 9th May '06 6:27 PM   [ edit ]

the last post was mine

Violetblue  (Level: 112.2 - Posts: 850)
Tue, 9th May '06 11:11 PM   [ edit ]

Lots of sequels to great films (or just "okay" ones), are absolutely terrible. But, sequels aside:

The Butterfly Effect
Films starring ex-SNL cast members (original cast exempt-- and with a few exceptions like Tommy Boy and Happy Gilmore)
...and ANYTHING starring Andrew McCarthy (double ick)

Jedley  (Level: 34.2 - Posts: 278)
Wed, 10th May '06 1:11 AM   [ edit ]

Wow, there's even more variety here than I would have expected! Unlike the Worst Songs Ever thread, where we all more or less went straight for bubblegum schlock, here the criteria range wide.
I personally can't consider a movie that knows it's bad as being truly bad (ex. Glen or Glenda), which kinda actually makes it sorta good. Or a movie with no artistic ambition whatsoever (ex. Lambada, Hercules, etc): if you aim low and achieve your goal, it's almost a success.
What constitutes a bad movie for me is when hundreds, indeed thousands of extravagantly well-paid professionals spend millions upon millions of dollars, and then out comes Braveheart, or Dances With Wolves or A Beautiful Mind, or Gladiator, or Titanic, and they win all the awards, and millions of people have been duped into thinking that all a white guy has to do is squint sexily into the distance and the natives will unanimously make him leader of their tribe.
Then there are film adaptations of theatrical works set in the Deep South and played by actresses not from the South. Diane Keaton in Crimes of the Heart confusing a Georgia drawl with a nursery rhyme sing-song, 'Whale, ah doo duh-claya'... And let's not talk about Steel Magnolias.
In fact, I'll shut up now. Thanks Eesus, this is fun!

Ladyvol  (Level: 202.8 - Posts: 5434)
Wed, 10th May '06 1:21 PM   [ edit ]

I have to agree with Battlefield Earth also...
And Jedley made a good point about movies set in the South without Southern actors or actresses playing the part....but then again you have to look at Vivian Leigh as Scarlett O'Hara....great casting IMHO.....One more that I must add, the remake Of Planet Of The Apes...give me Charlton Heston anyday.....

Jedley  (Level: 34.2 - Posts: 278)
Wed, 10th May '06 1:36 PM   [ edit ]

Yo Vlcrowe, as hateful as Charlie Heston, president of the NRA, may be as a human being ("From my dead, cold hands!!!"), you're so right.
Second 'Apes' was garbage on an epic scale.

Ladyvol  (Level: 202.8 - Posts: 5434)
Wed, 10th May '06 9:11 PM   [ edit ]

Thanks Jedley....Have you heard about the big screen version they are coming out with about Chips? What's next?

Jedley  (Level: 34.2 - Posts: 278)
Wed, 10th May '06 10:34 PM   [ edit ]

Adam-12, with Brad Pitt and Russell Crowe, surely can't be far behind...

Missashlee  (Level: 125.6 - Posts: 543)
Thu, 11th May '06 1:53 AM   [ edit ]

1950's "Superman and the Mole Men" w/ George Reeves - the TV Superman withe the padded suit for muscles...pretty bad.

Helsleym78  (Level: 54.9 - Posts: 54)
Thu, 11th May '06 1:16 PM   [ edit ]

Sorry to anyone who liked these, but "The Bridges of Madison County" and "Mary Reilly" are the only two movies in my life that made me fall asleep in the theater!

Lisa2412  (Level: 121.7 - Posts: 34)
Thu, 11th May '06 2:28 PM   [ edit ]


Ladyvol  (Level: 202.8 - Posts: 5434)
Thu, 11th May '06 4:17 PM   [ edit ]

Brad Pitt and Russell Crowe....surely not! That's almost as bad as "Starsky and Hutch"....
Adam-12 will never be the same....Can't Hollywood come up with better ideas for movies?

Opiated  (Level: 181.2 - Posts: 18)
Thu, 11th May '06 6:04 PM   [ edit ]

I can't see Russell Crowe doing a chessy remake! Say what you will about his personal life, the guy is an incredible actor!

Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Thu, 11th May '06 6:35 PM   [ edit ]

Gee, I sure am glad I never saw any of those'uns! did mention a couple of movies I really like though.....

With the "bad songs"....they are inflicted upon you when you turn on the radio, and you have the option to turn 'em off, and be grateful you did not pay for 'em!
However, with the "bad movies", you may have paid to go see 'em, and then have to make a decision to walk out coz the movie stinks, or to salvage your dollar-value and sit thru it......what torture!

I have walked out on only one movie, along with a bunch of other folks who thought it kinda stinky too.
~The movie was "2001: A Space Odyssey".
Arthur C. Clarke's "The Sentinal" was an OK book, but the movie departed way too far from the original storyline, and became incomprehensible disconnected gibberish.

Chickfbref1  (Level: 120.7 - Posts: 2012)
Thu, 11th May '06 7:51 PM   [ edit ]

Spanglish?? Quite possibly the best line ever

"Honey, lately your lack of self-esteem is just good common sense."

Jedley  (Level: 34.2 - Posts: 278)
Fri, 12th May '06 12:52 AM   [ edit ]

I guess I'm more orthodox and enslaved by rules than I thought, because when you called 2001: A Space Odyssey a stinker, I actually looked around the room to make sure no one could hear such irreverence, ha! Luckily the coast was clear...
This is perhaps where we get into that perilous and fascinating territory of the distinction between what we dislike and what is objectively bad.
Would you be willing to say you didn't like 2001, but that it could still be one of the greatest movies ever made? I'll say that about Gone With the Wind in exchange - great movie, but I can't sit through more than 10 minutes of it.

Chickfbref1  (Level: 120.7 - Posts: 2012)
Fri, 12th May '06 1:50 AM   [ edit ]

Worst waste of my time...."The Village"

Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Fri, 12th May '06 2:08 AM   [ edit ]

I didn't like the Charlie & the Chocolate factory remake.

Missashlee  (Level: 125.6 - Posts: 543)
Fri, 12th May '06 2:37 AM   [ edit ]

'True Grit'. Think Glenn Campbell made a run for the worst actor award...

Jedley  (Level: 34.2 - Posts: 278)
Fri, 12th May '06 11:55 AM   [ edit ]

Whoa check out this link - imdb users vote the 100 worst ever - none of Plan Nine From Outer Space, Waterworld type entries.
Guess i can count myself lucky, i've never heard of a single one of these except Mano Hand of Fate, a popular Worst Ever entry.

Jedley  (Level: 34.2 - Posts: 278)
Fri, 12th May '06 11:56 AM   [ edit ]

(oops forgot the link)

Pafork  (Level: 132.0 - Posts: 537)
Fri, 12th May '06 6:26 PM   [ edit ]

I'll take your side on 2001 Bev (much to the horror of my film-major boyfriend). Except for 'Eyes Wide Shut' I like every other Kubrick move - I love some of them - but I tried to watch that one twice and nodded off both times. There are some beautiful shots, but it bored me to death.

And I forgot about the Village! I was so looking forward to that one, and it was sooooooo disappointingly bad.

Sat, 13th May '06 9:58 PM   [ edit ]

Here is my 2 cents:

I would say that anything with Tom Cruise ranks at the top of the "Worst Movies Ever" list.

On the opposite side of the spectrum I think that anything starring Morgan Freeman, Jack Nicholson or Anthony Hopkins ranks at the top of the "Best Movies Ever" list.

Lulise  (Level: 32.2 - Posts: 248)
Sat, 13th May '06 11:50 PM   [ edit ]

I love Nicolas Cage, but I think some of his earlier work was pretty stinky, with the exception of Raising Arizona, that one is meant to be stupid which is what makes it so darned funny. But movies like Vampire's Kiss and Valley Girl? No way for me.

Violetblue  (Level: 112.2 - Posts: 850)
Sun, 14th May '06 10:58 AM   [ edit ]

Pafork, I forgot about Eyes Wide Shut (I must have been blocking it out from the sheer trauma it caused me). Bleck! What a terrible movie.

Chickfbref1  (Level: 120.7 - Posts: 2012)
Mon, 15th May '06 12:51 AM   [ edit ]

Oh come on know you were dancing around in your tighty-whiteys to "Risky Buisness"...

Shades on and all....

Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Mon, 15th May '06 12:52 PM   [ edit ]

I agree with Justin - a big ole YUCK on Tom Cruise and any of his movies. With the exception of his sploof (no pun intended) of himself in the Austin Powers Gold Member movie. That absolutely cracked me up when they had Tom Cruise, Gwyneth Paltrow, John Travolta, Kevin Spacey, and Danny DeVito playing the characters.

Jedley  (Level: 34.2 - Posts: 278)
Mon, 15th May '06 1:04 PM   [ edit ]

I have two words for you eesus and sploof: jerry maguire

Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Mon, 15th May '06 6:17 PM   [ edit ]

hated it. A double ick in that movie - Tom Cruise & Renee Zellweger

Embee  (Level: 86.7 - Posts: 362)
Mon, 15th May '06 7:43 PM   [ edit ]

The only good things about Jerry Maguire were Cuba Gooding Jr. and Jonathan Lipnicki. You know a movie is in trouble when it has to rely on a cute kid!

Bearpaw  (Level: 50.7 - Posts: 155)
Tue, 16th May '06 12:11 AM   [ edit ]

I don't know if Ispelled it right Moulin Rouge

Asdibbens  (Level: 159.4 - Posts: 423)
Thu, 18th May '06 4:55 PM   [ edit ]

Baz Luhrmann films are an acquired taste; "Moulin Rouge" takes his 'red curtain' style of self-conscious film-making to its most extreme, but I feel it is much more successful than his "Romeo+Juliet", though "Strictly Ballroom" is still my favorite of his films.

My two worst films of all time come from opposite ends of the political spectrum - "Red Dawn" and "Wind from the East".

Markieboy  (Level: 256.7 - Posts: 198)
Fri, 19th May '06 2:40 PM   [ edit ]

Titanic is possibly the biggest heap of ordure I have ever had the misfortune to set eyes on. A larger and more hideous pile of crap that I couldn't, even in my wildest nighmares, ever image. How it ever came to be vomited into fruition is complete beyond the wit of man....

Dipsomaniac  (Level: 90.9 - Posts: 12)
Fri, 19th May '06 3:40 PM   [ edit ]


Pafork  (Level: 132.0 - Posts: 537)
Sat, 20th May '06 4:15 AM   [ edit ]

Oooooh - but Asdibbens, 'Red Dawn' is one of the BEST worst movies ever. It's so incredibly ridiculous and overdramatic that it becomes hysterically entertaining.
Really, how can you not like a movie where the captives are forced to watch Eisenstein movies??

Asdibbens  (Level: 159.4 - Posts: 423)
Sat, 20th May '06 11:27 AM   [ edit ]

Is it really an Eisenstein film they are watching? That is hilarious. Too bad they weren't watching "Wind from the East".

Perhaps with the right crowd "Red Dawn" would be a hoot to watch. My problem was that the audience I saw it with weren't laughing. That makes it much less enjoyable on the campy level.

Oh, I did forget the most unpleasant cinematic experience I ever had; an early video projection of "Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer" (it wasn't even quite finished yet). Awful film, awful headache.

Philkon  (Level: 266.1 - Posts: 474)
Sun, 21st May '06 10:26 PM   [ edit ]

Red Dawn: I like Eisenstein... "Avenge me!" How often do you get to hear that in a non-pirate movie?

Of the, literally, thousands and thousands of movies I have seen, the worst that comes to mine was a mindless comedy called "My Boss's Daughter." I was embarrassed for all of the actors. "The Avengers" was not much better.

Jedley  (Level: 34.2 - Posts: 278)
Tue, 23rd May '06 6:47 AM   [ edit ]

oh, speaking of Uma (Avengers), she's in at least a few of the worst films ever, including Gattaca and Even Cowgirls Get the Blues. How a good filmmaker (Gus van Sant) took a great book and turned it into such a stinker is a mystery.

As for the dismissals of Jerry Maguire, you're probably right but I have this blind devotion to Cameron Crowe. I even liked Elizabethtown...

Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Tue, 23rd May '06 9:17 AM   [ edit ]

For me, the Jerry McGuire movie in itself wasn't bad. In fact, if it had different actors, I probably would have enjoyed it. Its just that I dislike watching ANY movie with Tom Cruise and have grown to dislike Renee Zellweger. With those two in the lead roles, its such a big turnoff that I can barely give the movie a chance.

And speaking of Tom Cruise, there was another poopy movie he was in. I think it was called Far and Away or something. Made my eyes bleed.

Jedley  (Level: 34.2 - Posts: 278)
Tue, 23rd May '06 12:13 PM   [ edit ]

Good call, Eesus. Far and Away is as epically bad as they come. Made by that master of schlock, Ron Howard, no less. I'm getting ready for his Da Vinci Code to be even worse. Anyone seen it yet?

Aeliel  (Level: 17.4 - Posts: 19)
Mon, 12th Jun '06 1:37 PM   [ edit ]


It manages to be boring, stupid and entirely not funny while having Robin Williams in the leading role. I didn't think that was possible.

Ladykillers might make my list too...

Brunosexy77  (Level: 67.5 - Posts: 215)
Mon, 12th Jun '06 3:01 PM   [ edit ]

Worst movies ever for me are Tiptoes,saw,kill bill and monster

Citrusy  (Level: 26.2 - Posts: 118)
Tue, 20th Jun '06 10:08 PM   [ edit ]

I agree with Robin Williams and 'Toys'. That was just a waste of celluloid. Jedley, I am with you on 'Jerry Maguire' too. If I hear 'show me the $' one more time, I will be showing you my foot in your a$$. I hate Tom Cruise with a passion!
I can't believe noone said 'Waterworld'!! What a sheer waste of money/time/air that was.
Now what gets me is the fact that they are having to make remakes of movies....uh, hello??? Creative people out there??? Can we get a new story in Hollywood and give it a go??

Trivadiktus  (Level: 73.3 - Posts: 34)
Mon, 24th Jul '06 9:40 PM   [ edit ]

Open Water(stupid movie...ever!)
Final Destination (all of it!)
Series of Unfortunate Events(indeed! I love the books but the movie interpretation...a waste of time and money!)
Ghost Ship
Shawn of the Dead

I wish I'd stick on classics.....

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