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Uturntama  (Level: 51.0 - Posts: 179)
Thu, 2nd Jul '09 11:24 PM


As the Michael Jackson saga continues, it looks like we have lost another brilliant star to drug addiction. I am not blaspheming him as I too struggled with drug addiction for 24 years. I am now 2 1/2 years sober and am SO thankful that I have choices today and am not in that pit of hell. Anyone else out there thankful????

Lodi  (Level: 96.1 - Posts: 2144)
Thu, 2nd Jul '09 11:27 PM

I'm thankful for you as well. I never struggled with that particular issue so I don't personally know your struggles but having read about, and known so many, people who lost that battle, I have to shake your hand for your success!

Oogie54  (Level: 199.0 - Posts: 1120)
Thu, 2nd Jul '09 11:30 PM

Glad to see that,have lost friends and loved ones to their addictions and many of of my high-school friends are shadows of their former selves. Kudos to you for posting and sharing your success

Salzypat  (Level: 154.6 - Posts: 5296)
Fri, 3rd Jul '09 12:32 AM

Congratulations, Uturntama. That's a huge accomplishment and you can rightfully be proud.

Bleepy  (Level: 138.8 - Posts: 620)
Fri, 3rd Jul '09 12:45 AM

Wow - What an achievement! I admire your strength!

Clevercloggs  (Level: 27.4 - Posts: 1246)
Fri, 3rd Jul '09 3:02 AM

I became an alki at the age of fifteen, i had great teachers. I spiraled down to using and dealing drugs, the nightmare lasted the best part of 35 years. I went through people's lives like a tornado, i lived outside of society. I have been clean and sober now for six years, and it means everything to me. It is my privilege now to help the still suffering on a daily basis, there is no better way of staying clean.

Barnierubble  (Level: 93.9 - Posts: 637)
Fri, 3rd Jul '09 6:06 AM

Great, keep it going ONE DAY AT A TIME, but its a lot better, like the majority, if you never become addicted to anything in the first place. Now I see why Clevercloggs does not like ID cards.

Mplaw51  (Level: 176.9 - Posts: 1582)
Fri, 3rd Jul '09 7:39 AM

I can only imagine the hard work and willpower it took to fight off your addictions. It's probably the most difficult thing you've ever done. My hat is off to you both.

Clevercloggs  (Level: 27.4 - Posts: 1246)
Fri, 3rd Jul '09 8:54 AM

I know what you mean, but it's actually when you stop trying so hard that you start to get results. In AA they call it "letting go and letting god". As you can imagine, that was VERY hard for me to do. Incidentally, my past has nothing to do with not agreeing with ID cards, that was then and this is now.

Fudypatootie  (Level: 194.5 - Posts: 1302)
Fri, 3rd Jul '09 11:23 AM

I'm thankful for the sobriety of both of you as that means you are now one of us, a whole other addiction, mind you, but we would be much less without the two of you!

Bakerstreeet  (Level: 42.7 - Posts: 187)
Fri, 3rd Jul '09 11:34 AM

Thanks to both of you for sharing your stories, and for each and every day of sobriety! My mother was an alcholic, and never got help, and died as a result. I had a lot of anger as a kid, but as I grew up, I realized that her addiction was a disease, not a choice. I believe she's in a better place now, finally flying free, as is MJ. It's not only difficult for the addict, but also for those of us who love them. Thanks again for such thoughtful and heartfelt posts, very appropriate for Independence Day, now that I think of it! All the best, Emily

Kaufman  (Level: 254.2 - Posts: 3936)
Fri, 3rd Jul '09 12:00 PM

Congratulations on regaining and maintaining control of your life. Do stay in charge!

Sandracam  (Level: 149.3 - Posts: 4190)
Fri, 3rd Jul '09 12:12 PM

You guys are an inspiration. I lost a couple of friends when we were only in our twenties, and have lost a few more since then. Congratulations on your strength and perseverance.

Uturntama  (Level: 51.0 - Posts: 179)
Fri, 3rd Jul '09 12:51 PM

It's the hardest but most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life. For all who are struggling.....persevere and know that it does get easier with time. I still get urges but I tell the devil to get out and always remember how sick and useless I was. If I can do it, you can. I started innocently with marijuana then graduated to cocaine and then crystal meth. Drank shots of brandy and smoked Virginia Slims menthol 120's ALL day long, every day..........for 24 years. Bad choices but I make great ones today. You can become a new creation if you choose and ask the good Lord for his help. Yippee.....I get to go to work (couldn't work before because I was SO sick)......thanks for all the kind comments you nice sploofus people!.....swak...Tama!

Tuzilla  (Level: 131.2 - Posts: 3769)
Fri, 3rd Jul '09 10:09 PM

I was a poster child for the sixties for well into the seventies. I still bear the (operation) scars from cocaine confidence. I quit all my habits cold turkey on the same day. I went through a couple years of depression that should have been treated, but my total rejection of taking pills precluded using the medications available to help. I'm perfectly normal, now...bwaaaaaaahahahah!. I STRONGLY recommend anyone trying to stop a dependence habit, be it alcohol, drugs, tobacco, whatever get clinical help. Don't play macho and say you can or are going to tough it out. It is not necessary, and it will take longer. Help is available, use it.

One thing I will say about quitting a habit cold turkey is that it is like throwing a rock in a pond. At first, the waves (urges) are close together and big, but as they move away from the center (time passes), they get smaller and further apart. Eventually they can abate, but that can be well out (a long time). Also gain perspective and recognize the coping skills you learn. Recognize time as it spreads. At first maybe it is a day since the last urge, then two days, a week, a month, months. The same goes for the intensity. As the urges spread out, the power of the urges will fall...but not in a even decline. The trend line will be downward, but you can get an occasional strong urge tossed in for various reasons. One of the things I did or still do when the urges come back is measure and assess them, then I say they were a lot stronger that this before and I didn't cave, so the heck with this little speck of a problem. It is amazing how fast they can be booted when you don't give them any respect (power over you).

Lowiq  (Level: 201.4 - Posts: 1938)
Fri, 3rd Jul '09 10:58 PM

Congrats, Tama, on your resolve to beat the addiction. Thanks also for telling your story and your inspiration to all battling similar demons.

Uturntama  (Level: 51.0 - Posts: 179)
Sat, 4th Jul '09 12:01 AM

Amen Tuzilla....the urges do dessipate. Sometimes I feel like I now lead a boring life but better boring than the other. It is so fun at the beginning and then it becomes a HABIT and what a bummer. I thought many times I was going to have a heart attack and could feel mine brain move sometimes. No glorifying addictions or what I've been through. Addictions are totally selfish and hurt not only the addict but so many more. I learning to be "NORMAL" again. Here's to a sober 4th.....Tama

Clevercloggs  (Level: 27.4 - Posts: 1246)
Sat, 4th Jul '09 1:43 AM

I tried to stop for many years, admittedly quite often just to stay out of prison. At AA they tell you to use the phone when you feel "the urge", that proved to be of no use to me at all. If i wanted to drink the only people i was going to phone was the off license, or a cab to get me to the pub. I had to achieve a situation where drinking or using was not even an option. On the rare occasions that drinking enters my head these days it is dismissed as "not an option", long before i start to actually consider it as a viable proposition.
Ill health was the catalyst for recovery in the end. In retrospect i think i always knew it would be, i reached the stage where another binge would have definately killed me. Alcohol had attacked my internal organs, especially my pancreas and immune system. Pancreatitis does a lot to concentrate the mind, as does having an immune system that is about as much use as a chocolate fire guard. My body might just handle a relapse today, but my mind most definately would not, and that is why the very thought of it is dismissed......frequently without conscious thought.
I have never been in prison, although i have been in dozens of police cells. I still have the love of my children. My body is a little "frazzled", but my brain functions today better than it ever did. I realise that isn't saying much. I visit psych wards, prisons and detoxs today to try and help others, not to cause mayhem. In fact the detox / treatment centre i work in today i once attacked with a fireman's axe. I have much to be grateful for, and that at the end of the day is the cornerstone of staying clean and sober. We junkies don't deal with rejection or resentments well, they are best avoided.

Uturntama  (Level: 51.0 - Posts: 179)
Sat, 4th Jul '09 2:10 AM

Kudos to you Clever......took a horrible situation and you are now shining in the aftermath. I applaud you and your caring, unselfish work you are doing today.

Pennwoman  (Level: 152.3 - Posts: 2478)
Sat, 4th Jul '09 9:34 AM

Several years ago, when I worked on the Schizophrenia unit, our patients were permitted to attend AA and NA meetings, but they had to be escorted by staff. I heard once at a meeting, "If intelligence and will power were enough to stop you from drinking, there would be no need for AA" Addiction is such a hard road, and anyone that manages to live sober and clean, is to be commended. Thank God for AA, and NA, I have seen so many times, people flourish, in their program where they floundered with out it!

Bobolicios  (Level: 116.8 - Posts: 1745)
Sat, 4th Jul '09 9:36 AM

I too am clean and sober today thanks to AA. I was a mess a little of a year ago, I drove to NC with no license. My children live here and did a family intervention. I was in a hospital for 4 days before I got here, suffering from gastritus from drinking. I had a good 20 years of hard core drinking and drugging and it took its toll on myself and family. I am grateful to my HP and family for the sobriety I have today. I probably would not be here if I hadn't gotten sober. I arrived drunk, in a beat up car with no license or money or job. I went to detox and then to rehab for 3 months. I am not out of the woods as I still think about taking it up again. I just try to remember how pathetic and empty my life had become. Today I have my families love and respect and a job the future seems much brighter, thanks to sobriety.

Bobolicios  (Level: 116.8 - Posts: 1745)
Sat, 4th Jul '09 9:42 AM

Thank you so much for this thread and your message. You give me more hope than ever, especially today a normal bbq and drinking day. It is harder on a holiday where people are drinking and partying, so just thank you for the inspiration!

Bakerstreeet  (Level: 42.7 - Posts: 187)
Sat, 4th Jul '09 11:09 AM

Wow! I am totally blown away at the honesty and openness of this thread, and the outright gut-pounding courage you all demonstrate everyday! Congratulations, especially as Bobolicious pointed out, on such a partying holiday like the 4th! Thanks especially to Uturntama, Clevercloggs, Tuzilla, and Bobolicious. You are so awesome and such an inspiration to me. It's one thing to battle addictions, it's another to share those experiences here. You are all true blessings to me, thanks again! Emily

Clevercloggs  (Level: 27.4 - Posts: 1246)
Sat, 4th Jul '09 11:28 AM

It's one thing to battle addictions, it's another to share those experiences here. You are all true blessings to me, thanks again! Emily

I find i can only keep what i have got by giving it away Emily. I know it sounds pompous and "holier than thou", but i can assure you it's not. When i first tried to get clean and sober i looked at those drunks and alkis facilitating the recovery groups and i wanted to be them more than i wanted to be a millionaire. I knew they were like me, because they were telling my story, but somehow they were "different". Some even had "serenity", then i was just a dry(ish) drunk.
If hearing (or reading) me spout on about this makes one person think about their own situation, before it is too late, i have made a small reparation to all of those people i have hurt in the past. Nature abhors a vacuum, i can't stand still in recovery, it's either forwards or backwards. I'd just like to add that AA, NA and other self help groups helped me a lot. I went through treatment eight times, once for seven months, that helped a lot too. None of these things alone was enough for me, i needed them all, and then some. To anyone who is struggling with their own demons....NEVER GIVE UP. If i can do it anyone can.

Pennwoman  (Level: 152.3 - Posts: 2478)
Sat, 4th Jul '09 12:14 PM

This is such a great thread, especially since in the past a similar thread lead to very harsh words and judgment.... A thread like this, is one, that might be enough for the person still suffering to seek help!

Clevercloggs  (Level: 27.4 - Posts: 1246)
Sat, 4th Jul '09 1:20 PM

There have been many kinds words, both here and privately, thank you all. As for harsh words, i haven't had any yet, but they are welcome too.

Sat, 4th Jul '09 1:55 PM

One day at a time...


Uturntama  (Level: 51.0 - Posts: 179)
Sat, 4th Jul '09 2:52 PM

Such kind and inspiring words from all of you! Thanks so much. When I became sober I said if I can help just ONE but hopefully more. I speak openly of my addiction each and every day as a reminder to myself of the precious gift I possess today. I pray I will be and inspiration daily to someone who is walking down the lonely road of addiction. IT IS A DEAD END!

Bigbird  (Level: 236.3 - Posts: 3300)
Sat, 4th Jul '09 2:57 PM

I congratulate all the posters on their success and determination. I've never had to deal with drug or alcohol problems, but for me, there is food. And I cannot get a handle on it. Thought I had it - lost quite a bit of weight some years ago, but then I turned around and half of it is back. It sure is messing up my life, so I wish I could find the strength that you've found.

Clevercloggs  (Level: 27.4 - Posts: 1246)
Sat, 4th Jul '09 2:59 PM

In case anyone is wondering. When AA speaks of anonymity it speaks of the fellowship, not individuals. A deaf dumb and blind man knew i was alcoholic, i didn't have to tell anyone. Some alkis dream of returning to "social" drinking, my drinking was about as antisocial as anything gets.

Bobolicios  (Level: 116.8 - Posts: 1745)
Sat, 4th Jul '09 4:42 PM

I was an abusive and anti-social drunk. Alcohol would change my personality, and I was a "mean" drunk. I didn't drink to socialize, I drank to let out all that ugliness I felt inside. I can never go back to social drinking, I don't think I ever did socially drink. I had the disease before I even admitted to it. My mother was an alcoholic and she was married to an alcoholic. I know I can never go back to that lifestyle, and Dave is right in order to keep it you must give it away. If even one person can relate to my story and decide to get help for alcoholism then it is worth coming forward in an open forum. I don't care what people think, it takes courage to ask for help and to relate your story. Happy 4th my fellow sploofusers, and you can go pick your bum now Dave!

Lynnm  (Level: 223.6 - Posts: 1926)
Sat, 4th Jul '09 6:40 PM

Now I understand the name "Uturn Tama". All of you who have had the guts and stamina to break free, I want to thank you for setting the example for others. There's nothing like freedom, and that means "freedom from" as well as "freedom to".

Uturntama  (Level: 51.0 - Posts: 179)
Sat, 4th Jul '09 7:29 PM

Bigbird.....I understand your struggle. I broke through the addiction of drugs, alcohol and cigarettes.....NOW I battle FOOD. I eat just to eat.....I gained 70 pounds and now must get this unders control. Dang, if it ain't one thing, it's another. My name Uturntama comes from making a Uturn from addictions but the program is called Uturn4Christ and for anyone who needs one and think you can't afford it....YOU CAN. Cost: $800 for 2 months....all food and clothing, personal items if needed etc. You go cold turkey. STRICT dicipline because we have none in our addictive state and have to re-learn how to live. You rise at 6 a.m. for devotions and never lay down again until 10 p.m. If you receive discipline....depending on what it write 10,000 word essays OR dig 5x5x5 foot holes in the dark from 10 p.m. to midnight. You either get a hard hole that has not been pre dug, Hard as concrete or a if you have back problems you get a 3x3x3 foot hole you dig with a spoon. I received 2 hard holes in first phase that took me 2 1/2 weeks each to dig and 1 soft hole in 2nd phase. I dug in the rain, snow and 100 degree heat. I tell you digging the holes does something to you. Makes you stronger and believe in yourself. More people left this program than stayed. Was in 6 rehabs prior but this one stuck. I was sick the entire time with colds, sinus problems etc. but stuck it out and then went on to Phase 2 where you get a job and still live in a safe haven. I now have a relationship with God that keeps me strong.

Bobolicios  (Level: 116.8 - Posts: 1745)
Sat, 4th Jul '09 7:43 PM

Looking back on my 3 months at the Surrender House recovery center for women, it was an awesome experience. It was scary at first, 8 women all alcoholics and addicts living together. It felt like jail at first and I hated all the rules, but after I was there for a month I started to feel like it was my family and became very close to the women there. We laughed together and cried together and grew as a family through the steps of AA and NA. I won't forget my time there, sure we had rules and punishments for misdeamnors committed. However, as alcoholics and addicts we don't like rules or think they should apply to us. The fee was waived the first two weeks then it was 90.00 per week. You were allowed and encouraged to work but you had to be back at a certain time, similar to a halfway house. I learned alot and it was one of the best things I ever did for myself. It gave me a foundation to stay sober.

Papajensai  (Level: 190.5 - Posts: 1025)
Sun, 5th Jul '09 1:22 AM

My sincere thanks to all who've built this thread. Your Sploofus friends are proud of you and join you in gratitude.

Pepperdoc  (Level: 152.5 - Posts: 4286)
Sun, 5th Jul '09 8:25 AM

What Dr. Ron said. Great respect and admiration to all of you. It gives me a sense of how difficult this is, but that you CAN do it, and you are not alone.

Uturntama  (Level: 51.0 - Posts: 179)
Sun, 5th Jul '09 4:39 PM

Thanks Dr. Ron and are so kind and made my day!

Bobolicios  (Level: 116.8 - Posts: 1745)
Mon, 6th Jul '09 12:47 AM

This thread is an example that you can reach out in a personal way to a community without fear of reprisal. It gives me hope and makes me want to continue membership in such a fostering group of intelligent and kind people. Thank you U-turn and Dave and everyone who contributed. Love and everything comes one day at a time through our higher power.

Clevercloggs  (Level: 27.4 - Posts: 1246)
Mon, 6th Jul '09 12:53 AM

I would mention the lack of funding for drug rehabilitation, but that's political.

Uturntama  (Level: 51.0 - Posts: 179)
Mon, 6th Jul '09 1:50 AM

I would like to mention that all my drug dealers but one were not illegal aliens. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm....what does that tell ya?

Uturntama  (Level: 51.0 - Posts: 179)
Mon, 6th Jul '09 1:51 AM

Ooops...meant illegal aliens......all were but one!

Naomi4195  (Level: 51.7 - Posts: 184)
Mon, 6th Jul '09 2:55 AM

I would just like to add my congratulations to all my fellow recovering addicts. I celebrated my three year anniversary on the 21st of June this year. I also have to say that without the help of God and NA and AA I would not be here to say this. I know the road that all of you have been on because I have been on the same road and it is a much better road without the drugs or alcohol. Kudos to everyone who has managed to leave their addictions behind and continue on with their lives in a more positive manner and anyone who hasn't, get help and get out before it is too late.

Uturntama  (Level: 51.0 - Posts: 179)
Tue, 7th Jul '09 1:59 AM

Congrats Naomi.....ain't so bad to be sober!!!!!!!!

Clevercloggs  (Level: 27.4 - Posts: 1246)
Tue, 7th Jul '09 2:30 AM

I agree, keep up the good work Naomi. I have to add that sobriety is more than possible without belief in "gods" though.

Jeannette  (Level: 109.6 - Posts: 1736)
Tue, 7th Jul '09 8:53 AM

i would like to congattulate each and every one of you Tama Steve Dave Bobolicious Naomi you should be very proud of youselfs ,it is very brave of you all sharing this with us .My friend has bipolar and drinks a lot we talk a lot she knows she shouldnt be drinking as she has other health problems as well and is on lots of medication .she has stopped a few times ,but relapses ,i just say take each day as it comes ,all we her friends can do is support her and hope one day she will conquer it .
love to all hugs all round and be very proud of yourselfs xxxx

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