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Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Sun, 19th Jul '09 6:02 PM


You think English is easy???

Read to the end . . . a new twist

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce .

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France .
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel
at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?


Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12009)
Sun, 19th Jul '09 6:39 PM

It doesn't??

Thanks for posting this, Bev! It's great - reminds me of two things - a George Carlin routine, and Bill Bryson's excellent The Mother Tongue.

Reminds me, I gave my copy to one of the bartenders - gotta get myself another one. eBay, here I come.

Thanks again, cupcake.

Surreyman  (Level: 257.4 - Posts: 2766)
Mon, 20th Jul '09 4:58 AM

It's been long realised that Ozzies & Yanks have linguistic problems ....................

Achad  (Level: 201.9 - Posts: 661)
Mon, 20th Jul '09 5:01 AM

Don't forget: Birds can fly, but flies can't bird!

M48ortal  (Level: 248.4 - Posts: 3735)
Mon, 20th Jul '09 8:50 AM

Here is a riddle that only works, as far as I know, in the English language. You have to ask the riddle orally, for obvious reasons.

"A farmer had twenty sick sheep. Five died. How many survived?"

The answer, of course, is 15. Most responses will be '21.' Even if you tell them the correct answer, most folks will not figure it out. If they ask you how many sheep you said, repeat the entire first sentence.

Barnierubble  (Level: 93.9 - Posts: 637)
Wed, 22nd Jul '09 2:43 AM

Of course, for those of us that speak English correctly, the answer will always be 15. There is no X emphasis with SICK, whereas, with SIX, there is an obvious emphasis of the X.

Madamec8  (Level: 79.5 - Posts: 890)
Wed, 22nd Jul '09 2:48 AM

And ... time flies like crazy ... but fruit flies like bananas

Larefamiliaris  (Level: 135.2 - Posts: 877)
Wed, 22nd Jul '09 5:53 AM

When playing schoolboy football, defenders are taught to 'mark' their opponents to stop them getting the ball. Confusing when both the defender and the opposition striker are called 'Mark' and the chorus is: "Mark Mark, Mark".

Lowiq  (Level: 201.4 - Posts: 1938)
Wed, 22nd Jul '09 8:21 AM

How can "slowing up" and "slowing down" mean the same thing?

Lynnm  (Level: 223.6 - Posts: 1926)
Wed, 22nd Jul '09 9:12 AM

"Fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing too.

Allena  (Level: 253.9 - Posts: 1388)
Wed, 22nd Jul '09 9:15 AM

I recall Surreyman responding to an American's question : "Do they speak English in Surrey?" He said, "yes, but you will have to learn it."

Surreyman  (Level: 257.4 - Posts: 2766)
Wed, 22nd Jul '09 11:06 AM

Now I wonder which American that was ..................?

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