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Papajensai  (Level: 203.6 - Posts: 1025)
Mon, 20th Jul '09 10:58 AM


I heard this story about the Philadelphia Symphony Orchestra, but it might have happened elsewhere for all I know.

During a performance of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, the bass violin, or double bass, players grew restless during an extended period of inactivity for their instruments in the musical score. The First player had anticipated this, and suggested they sneak out across the alley to a bar and have a drink, and so they did.

After one or two drinks, some of the musicians became anxious to get back across the alley, but their leader told them to relax for a few more minutes. He related that he had "prepared" the musical score of the Maestro by tying some of the pages together with strings, to slow him down a bit, and thus extending their hiatus.

So they had a few more drinks, but finally decided that, indeed, it was time to return to their duties. As they sneaked in the back and resumed their places, just in time for the Finale, they noticed that everyone, from the conductor to the audience, seemed to be highly perturbed and anxious about something.

What was wrong?

Wait for it...

It was the bottom of the Ninth, the score was tied, and the basses were loaded!

Thank you very much, I'll be here all week, be sure and tip your waitstaff, drive carefully on your way home.

Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12008)
Mon, 20th Jul '09 11:03 AM

Oof. A three-bagger. You're shameless. I like that in a doctor.

Garrybl  (Level: 294.6 - Posts: 6812)
Mon, 20th Jul '09 11:07 AM

Takes a lot to make me laugh out loud, but this was very very good.
I'm still smiling.

Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12008)
Mon, 20th Jul '09 11:13 AM

Knew you'd love it. Ken will too. If he's not the originator.

Oh, you punny guys.

Goddess28  (Level: 92.6 - Posts: 5224)
Mon, 20th Jul '09 11:27 AM

Thanks for the laugh!

Lucimoore  (Level: 194.3 - Posts: 1738)
Mon, 20th Jul '09 11:37 AM

That is too funny. Thanks Ron.

Larefamiliaris  (Level: 135.2 - Posts: 877)
Mon, 20th Jul '09 11:37 AM

And at a quaint foreign minority sports related joke too!

Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4583)
Mon, 20th Jul '09 1:10 PM

Very cute! But also very impossible.

A conductor would know immediately if the bassists were gone.

Because of the sudden improvement in the sound!

(Just kidding. I love my bassists. No, really. But I did have 2 that drooled like a drummer.)

Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12008)
Mon, 20th Jul '09 1:20 PM

"Drooled like a drummer." never heard that before, is that a conductor's joke?

Goddess28  (Level: 92.6 - Posts: 5224)
Mon, 20th Jul '09 1:28 PM

I am curious about that myself.

Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12008)
Mon, 20th Jul '09 1:31 PM

We have drummers in the family, and drummers appreciate a good joke on themselves - they get a huge kick out of Animal on the Muppets, but I've never heard that expression before and wondered if it's common among orchestra people, like some of the drummer jokes told in rock and roll circles.

Fudypatootie  (Level: 207.7 - Posts: 1301)
Mon, 20th Jul '09 1:51 PM

I love the rock and roll drummer jokes. My husband used to be in a rock band (as guitarist), and I can tell you from experience, some of those jokes are true.

Like this one:

How do you know your floor is level? Your drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.
What do you call a person that likes to hang out with musicians? The drummer.

Fudypatootie  (Level: 207.7 - Posts: 1301)
Mon, 20th Jul '09 1:52 PM

What do you call a drummer that can keep time? A drum machine.

Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4583)
Mon, 20th Jul '09 1:56 PM

What did the drummer get on his IQ test?

Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4583)
Mon, 20th Jul '09 2:00 PM

Last year Grunden sent me 5 emails packed with great musician jokes for every instrument and vocal part. A few conductor jokes too.

My favorite one, though, is this one:

What's the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower?

You can tune a lawnmower.

Kaufman  (Level: 270.3 - Posts: 3942)
Mon, 20th Jul '09 5:20 PM

In addition, a couple of musicians who drank with the bassists were relative lightweights and had lapsed into unconsciousness. So the bassists were loaded with two men out and the score tied.

Fudypatootie  (Level: 207.7 - Posts: 1301)
Mon, 20th Jul '09 5:27 PM

My mom and husband play guitar, Mom plays dulcimer, older brother played trombone, younger brothers played saxophone and drums, one younger also played bass in a rock band and the other is currently a band director, so I love the jokes for all the different instruments.

No, I don't play anything.

Daveguth  (Level: 269.7 - Posts: 1636)
Mon, 20th Jul '09 6:11 PM

Looks like this thread is following the musician path, but I' think I’ll take the other fork in the road and tell you a baseball "true story."

It's the story of the once-great pitcher Mel Famey. In the latter days of his career, Mel's career took a nasty nosedive when alcohol got the better of him. In fact, Mel was known to get a little tipsy even during the game. His team, however, kept him on the roster simply because he was still so popular with the fans. They just rarely used him anymore, especially on days that he over-imbibed.

On one particular day, his team had a big lead, so Mel was downing beer after beer. As he sat out in the bullpen, fans would happily hand him a new beer as soon as he finished the last one.

But things started to go bad for Mel’s team late in the game. The manager made several pitching changes to protect the shrinking lead. He just needed to make sure there was still another pitcher in the bullpen besides Mel--in case of an injury.

But sure enough, the pitcher in the game pulled a muscle and the emergency pitcher had to come in. And, then, bang, that pitcher was hit by a screaming line drive and broke his arm. The manager had no choice—he was forced to bring the very inebriated Mel into the game!

Mel tried his best, but he just couldn’t get the ball over plate. The first pitch sailed over the batter’s head. The second pitch ended up in the home team’s dugout. The third pitch hit the on deck hitter. Eventually, Mel walked every batter he faced, forcing in the winning run for the opposing team.

After the game, the announcer asked the opposing team’s manager what happened. His answer was short and to the point:

“It was the beer that made Mel Famey walk us.”

Lynnm  (Level: 238.4 - Posts: 2060)
Mon, 20th Jul '09 6:25 PM

I may have to resort to violins.

M48ortal  (Level: 263.9 - Posts: 3852)
Mon, 20th Jul '09 7:34 PM

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