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jank0614
Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4597)
Wed, 9th Sep '09 5:34 PM

LATE NIGHT ON SCHOOL SPEECH

A few of my faves from last night, after the presidential address to school students:

The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien

● President Obama delivered a speech to America’s school children on the first day of school, and he encouraged them to work hard and study hard. Then he said, “if that doesn’t work, grab a seat next to the Asian kid.”

● Then he told them, "Be careful what you post on Facebook." Obama then told them about bad things that could happen, like the time he accidentally “friended” Joe Biden.

● Obama said if he could have dinner with anyone in history he would pick Gandhi. He says he picked Gandhi so he’d get to eat two entrees.

Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Surprises In President Barack Obama's Message To Students

10. Advised struggling students to, "Give up and play video games all day"
9. Midway through the address he lit up a smoke
8. Spent most of speech yakking about new season of "Gossip Girl"
7. Urged kids to put their allowance on Packers this weekend
6. Boosted approval rating by promising every kid a kitty
5. Kept shouting, "Swine flu! Run!"
4. Told kids to listen to their parents, "Except for the eight of you stuck with Jon and Kate"
3. Concluded remarks by saying, "Have fun being unemployed when you graduate!"
2. Tip for success? Cheat off Asian kids (hmmmmm - a recurring theme)
1. Told students to "work hard and study, or you'll end up like President Bush"

Late Show with David Letterman

● President Obama spoke to all the school kids yesterday. Afterwards, he invited them all to the White House for a beer.


The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson


● Some Republicans were so mad they had Dick Cheney give a rebuttal — he showed kids the proper way to stuff a geek’s head into a locker.

● Whether you voted for Obama or not, his life is a shining example of the power of education — he was born in Kenya; he studied seven days a week learning how to forge Hawaiian birth certificates . . .

● Obama has other speeches planned this week. The next is for Congress. Congress and school children are very different of course . . . one is an unruly bunch of maniacs who pick their noses and read at grade-school level . . . the other is school children.


Jimmy Kimmel Live!

● Sadly, because of the current budget crisis, President Obama announced that kids’ allowances would be slashed by 50 percent this year.


Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

● During his speech to America’s schoolchildren, President Obama said that “what you make of your education will decide nothing less than the future of this country . . . But no pressure.”

● The president also told the kids that if they study hard, the United States will continue to prosper. Then he added, “But just to be safe, bone up on your Chinese.”

● In the speech Obama asked kids to “stay home from school” when they don’t feel well. At that point the children gave Obama a 10-minute ovation.


headylamar
Headylamar  (Level: 150.7 - Posts: 740)
Wed, 9th Sep '09 5:42 PM

So funny!!! Thanks for posting these Jan!

garrybl
Garrybl  (Level: 279.5 - Posts: 6639)
Wed, 9th Sep '09 6:27 PM

The Gandhi line made me laugh out loud.
Thanks!

Barry

kimoira
Kimoira  (Level: 201.5 - Posts: 1190)
Wed, 9th Sep '09 6:45 PM

Hilarious- thanks for posting these

fudypatootie
Fudypatootie  (Level: 197.1 - Posts: 1302)
Wed, 9th Sep '09 7:16 PM

Obama has other speeches planned this week. The next is for Congress. Congress and school children are very different of course . . . one is an unruly bunch of maniacs who pick their noses and read at grade-school level . . . the other is school children.

As they say, "That's funny 'cause it's true."


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