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tuzilla
Tuzilla  (Level: 134.1 - Posts: 3778)
Tue, 22nd Sep '09 11:41 AM

VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE SHORT STORY

Read the stories, then vote by adding a message with the number of your favorite to the bottom of this thread.

STORY 1

Capretto alla Cacciatora'
Rizzo was on edge. He’d heard Max Bear – The Crow’s ‘cleaner’ - was on the tail of Michael Fox. Rumors of The Crow’s murderous nature circled: how he would swoop down after Max had finished his grisly business for trophies. Rizzo thought of being safe in his nest watching cable. "Definitely should be watching Wopner", he thought. Scurrying, he dialed Nicole.
Nicole worked as a nanny for Baphomet Mendes. Li'l Club and Li'l Claw were good kids, but full of mischief – just last week caught pouring sugar into Mendes' gas tank. Nicole liked their name for her - Kidz – and that tickled the boys pink. "If only Fox could be hammered into shape so easily", she thought sheepishly. She resolved to ignore Fox's vulpine nature. This time, feathers would fly. "I've been cooped up too long" she snickered. She headed to 'The Fox's Den'.
Fox’s casino was notorious. The tale of what he’d done to his brother with a bucket of molten tar still loomed large. The body had been found in a patch of scrub, thick with briar, sans feet. Rabbit's luck had run out that day.
Nicole pushed open the door to the office and trotted in. "Where are you, you ogre!" she yelled gruffly.
"Now Nicole. You can't come trip-trappin' in here talkin' like that. Who knows what bridges you’ll burn?"
Michael Fox grinned wolfishly, brushing his tailored coat free of a speck, as Nicole backed straight into the hug of Max Bear. Michael's grin widened.
"But I thought..." she blustered.
"No thinking!" growled Max boorishly.
"But Michael, The Crow..." Nicole yammered.
"The Crow?" Fox smiled slyly, "Ah. Max, go rustle The Crow."
"No need Jay," cawed a voice from the shadows.
Nicole stared in disbelief at Michael and The Crow. "Twins! But..." she bleated.
Michael cut her dead, "If you don't stop butting you'll be corralled out back."
"I've been for a walk about out back Nicole”, gloated The Crow, "It’s a desert. Stay here with Jay – Mike’s real name - and I.”
“But..." Nicole checked herself, mindful of Fox's threat.
"If you hadn’t meddled Kidz, Mendes would be dead.” Crow sneered. “Li’l Club’s plan was foolproof.”
"And I would've gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for you snoopin' Kidz!" Club bellowed as he entered. "Jay and The Crow could've run this town, with us driving for them!"
"Rizzo ratted you out" Claw rasped, "For that and for countin' cards!" "But," Nicole began "That wasn’t me. I'm a..."
"Scapegoat

STORY 2

“And I would've gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for you snoopin' kids!” was the designated wording to be within the short story competition.
But the winner, having thus given away all, was detained and therefore unavailable to collect his prize.


tuzilla
Tuzilla  (Level: 134.1 - Posts: 3778)
Tue, 22nd Sep '09 11:42 AM

STORY 3


Let me introduce myself, my name is Blazes and I’m a little devil. No, not joking, I come from that Hell of a place! But I was a misfit there, and persona non grata. In fairness, it was not their fault. My father “Sir Beelzebub” as he is known, hired the best teachers in old Hot Town, who tried to instil in me the rules of wickedness. But one after the other, they were dismissed as failures by my Dad, who exhaled flames of anger at their posteriors which they jumped to avoid, and fled away in terror. Mr Hades my last tutor, left voluntarily, begging on his knees’ “Please let me resign Sir Beelzebub. As your humble servant believes me, Blazes did not understand even the basics! All my pupils graduated with distinction.“. He shouted his next sentence “BUT THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM!“ Mr Hades sobbed, shaking all over. Poor wretch, I must have given him a nervous breakdown. Problem was, although born a devil, I always wanted to be an angel, and hated that evil business. I once heard Dad shout at my mother “He certainly didn’t get it from me Jezebel, maybe you flirted with one of the good guys up there!” So I applied to be an angel and guess what? Heavenly Recruitment asked me to do an entrance test which involved performing a good deed, and making someone happy in an impossible situation. For this I opened a beauty salon to help Mrs Pugh. She was a rich lady who could buy anything except a pretty face. I invited her to my launch day, and she arrived promptly. “What would Madam like?” I asked charmingly. “To be beautiful, and do a better job than those other idiots who call themselves beauticians!” was her naïve reply. Great balls of fire! She had a face that would give Hell’s population nightmares. “No worries Mrs Pugh” I assured, “Just relax and leave it all to me” So I gave her face lift treatments, anti wrinkles, and the whole can of worms. “All done now Mrs Pugh.” I said “Would you like to see your new image?” I held up a large mirror. She gazed at it and gasped. She turned her face from one side to the other, and preened vainly. “Oh my word!” she finally exclaimed. “Happy Mrs Pugh?” I enquired “Happy? Oh my dear young man you are a genius! You are an ang…” Yes! she was about to say “angel” but that’s when you dozy kids had to interfere and laugh “It’s a trick ! She is still as ugly as ever!” Who asked for your opinion anyway, and what are you doing in my salon? OK, I

STORY 4

Hal clicked the door of his apartment shut. A smile of excitement, tinged with trepidation, crossed his tanned face.
He was on a mission. A mission, he was certain, would finally seal the deal with his girlfriend, Amya. His rich, Chinese girlfriend who, as yet, had refused to marry him, despite numerous, highly inventive marriage proposals.
And he so wanted to marry her. Whenever he looked into her eyes, he could see a world beyond compare: fast cars, sharp suits and fancy restaurants.
Jenny was sure to understand. Marrying Amya wouldn’t change their relationship. In fact, they’d probably have more fun. More expensive fun. Amya hadn’t a clue about Jenny and, if they were careful, she never needed to.
As Hal strutted along the street, he checked himself out in every shop window, but was soon at his destination, Starr’s Tattoo Studio, a tiny shop with dragons on the windows.
He pushed the door open. “Hello?” There was no one there, but a massive television, sat high up in the corner of the room, spewing out noise. “Hello?” His eyes narrowed at the lack of response.
“Can I help you, buddy?” Hal turned quickly and was met by a huge tombstone of man. His yellow Scooby Doo vest barely covered his overdeveloped chest.
“Oh, hi there,” Hal smiled thinly. “I’ve come for the tattoo we discussed over the phone. Hal Joseph.”
“Sure. You’re the big romantic. The ‘Will you marry me?’ guy, right?”
Hal smiled and nodded. “That’s me! Have you got the Chinese translation sorted out?”
“Yup.” The tattooist showed Hal a piece of paper decorated with Oriental script. “Happy?” Hal nodded again. “Well then, let’s go to work!”
As the needle bit, Hal concentrated on the sound of the Scooby Doo cartoon, rather than the stinging pain in his back. “And I would’ve gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for you snooping kids!” shouted the mine-owner, and part-time monster, as he was carted off by the police.
‘Why do all the meatheads like Scooby Doo?’ mused Hal. Jenny’s husband was obsessed by the cartoon and he sounded like a real meathead.
Not soon enough, the buzzing of the needle stopped. Hal paid the tattooist and made his way home to create the perfect evening for Amya, one she would never forget.
And when the big moment came for Hal to propose, he told his soon-to-be fiancée he had something important to ask, stood in front of her, smiled seductively and slowly shrugged off his shirt.
Her eyes shone at his display. This was it. He knew he’d got the right approach, finally. Hal spun on his heel and displayed the writing on his back. Thwack! Something sharp thudded into his back. Thwack! And into his rump. He looked round incredulously. Amya had thrown her shoes at him and was howling with outrage.
“What’s the matter, honey? I’m trying to propose to you. Look, it says ‘Will you marry me?’“ he prodded his finger into his back.”
“You idiot!” screamed Amya. “You fool! You cheat! You LIAR! Your stupid tattoo says ‘I’m sleeping with Jenny Starr!’ ”


tuzilla
Tuzilla  (Level: 134.1 - Posts: 3778)
Tue, 22nd Sep '09 11:44 AM

Story 5

Hopper thought his escape was complete and secure. He had contemplated and planned it for some time. He really did not want to go, but he felt compelled to none the less.
The once sparkling waters in which he frolicked and played with his friends had become polluted with a fetid mire of ugly ooze that was slowly engulfing and devouring all who could not escape its clutches.
Hopper decided it was time to put his plan in motion after being hit by yet another slime ball from one of the ooze makers. He quietly slipped away, dripping with the foul smelling goo. No one seemed to notice anything odd as he left, since he was gooey and not carrying anything. Perhaps it was a bathroom break or dinner.
Once out of sight and hopefully mind, he felt a release of the stress of life in the mud pit that was once his happy pond of joyful voices. “I’m Free!” he thought, as he continued wiping the remnants of the pit from his clothes, shoes, hair, etc. Then he heard voices and saw forms covered in slime with long threads stretching and trying to pull them back into the mess.
“Where do you think you are going?” said a mud-covered form.
“Ya,” sneered another. “You can’t leave. We need people to hit and smear with our slime. It is no fun stirring up and throwing our stink without anyone to hit in the face or the back.”
“I was gone, unseen, headed to freedom,” replied Hopper. “And I would’ve gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for you snooping kids! But you haven’t caught me, yet. I have only one more thread of ooze to cut, and I can run free. You have dozens of them pulling you back to your cesspool. I have out foxed you. Good bye, losers.”


papajensai
Papajensai  (Level: 193.2 - Posts: 1025)
Tue, 22nd Sep '09 11:59 AM

I vote for #4.

All very interesting, but 4 seemed to hold together and incorporate the required sentence in a very creative way. Well done, all!

fudypatootie
Fudypatootie  (Level: 197.3 - Posts: 1302)
Tue, 22nd Sep '09 12:12 PM

#4

tuzilla
Tuzilla  (Level: 134.1 - Posts: 3778)
Tue, 22nd Sep '09 2:59 PM

STORY #3

The story was accidentally truncated by the author. I got the patch. This is the whole of the story.

Let me introduce myself, my name is Blazes and I’m a little devil. No, not joking, I come from that Hell of a place! But I was a misfit there, and persona non grata. In fairness, it was not their fault. My father “Sir Beelzebub” as he is known, hired the best teachers in old Hot Town, who tried to instil in me the rules of wickedness. But one after the other, they were dismissed as failures by my Dad, who exhaled flames of anger at their posteriors which they jumped to avoid, and fled away in terror. Mr Hades my last tutor, left voluntarily, begging on his knees’ “Please let me resign Sir Beelzebub. As your humble servant believes me, Blazes did not understand even the basics! All my pupils graduated with distinction.“. He shouted his next sentence “BUT THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM!“ Mr Hades sobbed, shaking all over. Poor wretch, I must have given him a nervous breakdown. Problem was, although born a devil, I always wanted to be an angel, and hated that evil business. I once heard Dad shout at my mother “He certainly didn’t get it from me Jezebel, maybe you flirted with one of the good guys up there!” So I applied to be an angel and guess what? Heavenly Recruitment asked me to do an entrance test which involved performing a good deed, and making someone happy in an impossible situation. For this I opened a beauty salon to help Mrs Pugh. She was a rich lady who could buy anything except a pretty face. I invited her to my launch day, and she arrived promptly. “What would Madam like?” I asked charmingly. “To be beautiful, and do a better job than those other idiots who call themselves beauticians!” was her naïve reply. Great balls of fire! She had a face that would give Hell’s population nightmares. “No worries Mrs Pugh” I assured, “Just relax and leave it all to me” So I gave her face lift treatments, anti wrinkles, and the whole can of worms. “All done now Mrs Pugh.” I said “Would you like to see your new image?” I held up a large mirror. She gazed at it and gasped. She turned her face from one side to the other, and preened vainly. “Oh my word!” she finally exclaimed. “Happy Mrs Pugh?” I enquired “Happy? Oh my dear young man you are a genius! You are an ang…” Yes! she was about to say “angel” but that’s when you dozy kids had to interfere and laugh “It’s a trick ! She is still as ugly as ever!” Who asked for your opinion anyway, and what are you doing in my salon? OK, I might have used a magic mirror, that would make even Mrs Pugh look gorgeous, and OK, I cheated. And I would've gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for you snoopin' kids! I would have passed my test and be an angel now.

goddess28
Goddess28  (Level: 92.6 - Posts: 5236)
Tue, 22nd Sep '09 3:14 PM

4! LOL! Loved it.

leaston
Leaston  (Level: 42.6 - Posts: 839)
Tue, 22nd Sep '09 3:31 PM

LOL! they were all good! I vote for 3

salzypat
Salzypat  (Level: 156.5 - Posts: 5316)
Wed, 23rd Sep '09 2:43 AM

I've gone back and forth on these and my vote is for ... (still debating) ....... OK .... No. 4
Tough choice.
(I just wish the authors would throw in some paragraphs now and then to make them easier for old folks to read)

sandracam
Sandracam  (Level: 149.3 - Posts: 4190)
Wed, 23rd Sep '09 6:57 AM

# 3, a good old fashioned fairy tale.

tuzilla
Tuzilla  (Level: 134.1 - Posts: 3778)
Thu, 24th Sep '09 9:09 PM

Looks like Aristotle is the winner. Thank you for your participation.

Good bye and good luck.


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