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F5laur  (Level: 31.1 - Posts: 823)
Thu, 8th Oct '09 3:40 PM


OK..Lets have some fun. I'm quite sure everyone is tired of my bickering so here is a fun thread.
If You dare to share your most embarassing moment(s) lets hear them. I have many, LOL but I will start with one.
My very first car was a 1979 2 door, Buick Regal..2 door being the key word. Remember how heavy those doors were and eventually would slump? Well, both my doors slumped and I never could close the doors very quickly. I was running late for work so instead of trying to mess with closing the car door, I climbed out the window, wearing a navy blue with white polka dots dress. So here I am working away and on the loud speaker came a message for the owner of the said car to call security. I new it had to be my car because of the pea green part. I called security and asked what the problem was. The security guy told me it was raining and my windows were wide open(My office had no windows). So anyway, I told him that my doors are messed up and I'm not worried about the seats as they were leather. He comes out with this: "Are you the lady in the black polka dotted dress that was seen climbing out your window this morning?"!!!!!! Turns out that the hospital that I worked in had cameras in the parking lots. He told me they all had a good laugh in security that morning.
Well, now what do I do to get back in my car to go home? I opened the darn door and had to hold it shut all the way home. I didn't even want to go to my car. I wanted to take the bus home so security didn't see me again!!! I did make note of where the darn cameras were tho.

Lodi  (Level: 107.5 - Posts: 2144)
Thu, 8th Oct '09 4:40 PM

I was humiliated once in high school. It was our boy's team state playoffs and the gym was packed. I happened to be walking along the front of the gym while the opposing team was lined up for a free throw. The gym was silent and everyone was watching. The shooter airballed the basket and the ball hit me right in the butt. The place erupted in cheers.

Another time I got called to the office to move my car. I said "huh?" Apparently the football team and picked up my Pinto (yeah go ahead and be jealous) and set it in the entry way to the lobby. There was no way to drive it out and of course, all the football players disappeared once the principal got involved.

Salzypat  (Level: 162.6 - Posts: 5425)
Thu, 8th Oct '09 4:46 PM

I may sue you both for the damages I suffered when I fell off my chair laughing!!!!

Oh my gosh, both of those were hilarious... Let's have more of these.

F5laur  (Level: 31.1 - Posts: 823)
Thu, 8th Oct '09 4:58 PM

Your turn Pat!

M48ortal  (Level: 263.5 - Posts: 3848)
Thu, 8th Oct '09 8:26 PM

This was not as public as the others, but definitely embarrassing for me.

My wife had just delivered our first child, and had dozed off while the hospital staff took care of the baby and prepared to move her from the delivery room to her room. I had been up all night, so I slipped down to the cafeteria to grab a cup of coffee. It took about ten minutes.

When I came back, she had rolled onto her side, and her hospital gown had gaped open at the back. I patted her bare bottom and adjusted the gown to cover her, then leaned over her to place a kiss... on the face of a total stranger who had been rolled into the exact spot where I had left my wife.

Epilogue: I found my wife, sleeping soundly in her new room, and when she woke up I told her of my adventure. I figured she would still be groggy enough to forgive me, and she did. She also made friends with the other lady during their hospital stay, and our son and her daughter went through school together, often being in the same class, and always sharing the same birthday.

Bobolicios  (Level: 119.6 - Posts: 1745)
Thu, 8th Oct '09 8:34 PM

Now that last one was funny. I started laughing and my daughter and son in law looked at me like Im crazy. You went into the room and kissed the other lady, you didn't recognize your own wifes bum!!!!!!!!! Now that is funny. I am still smiling. Love it. Stephanie

F5laur  (Level: 31.1 - Posts: 823)
Thu, 8th Oct '09 8:39 PM

I don't think anyone could top Micheal's!!! That is so funny!!! I have tears rolling down my face! ROFL

Bobolicios  (Level: 119.6 - Posts: 1745)
Thu, 8th Oct '09 8:46 PM

Can you imagine how that lady felt, the last thing you want after giving birth is being kissed by some strange guy. I hope she was sedated or something.

M48ortal  (Level: 263.5 - Posts: 3848)
Thu, 8th Oct '09 8:47 PM

They had taken the baby to clean him up weigh him, etc., and had rolled my wife on her gurney into a small anteroom between the delivery room and the maternity ward. The other woman was about her size and hair color, and the hospital gowns were all alike. I didn't stop to think that in a small town (pop. 1200), there might be two women giving birth 15 minutes apart.

Salzypat  (Level: 162.6 - Posts: 5425)
Thu, 8th Oct '09 10:36 PM

F5laur, if I had any that were as delightful as those that have been posted, I would most certainly share them but I just can't think of any that were that funny. These have been wonderful. I am curious to see what will be next.

Suzannec  (Level: 260.2 - Posts: 616)
Thu, 8th Oct '09 11:02 PM

My daughter and I recently went out to eat at a Mexican restaurant for the first time. I know that is hard to believe but we are just not real familiar with good Mexican food. It started to disagree with me immediately. As I was walking over to the counter to pay, I coughed and let out a huge rooty-toot at the same time. A nearby family of four was getting up to pay also and the 10 year old son heard me. He got the giggles and his mom had to keep smacking him and telling him to knock it off. We all pretended like this never happened, but it was the longest three minutes of my life waiting for the cashier to take my money so I could get away from everyone and do my thing in peace outside in the parking lot.

Lodi  (Level: 107.5 - Posts: 2144)
Thu, 8th Oct '09 11:08 PM

I had posted this a year or two ago but we can't search the threads any longer so I'll retell it. One morning, while getting ready for the gym, I was digging through my shorts and found a pair of my favorite old sweat pants I had cut into shorts. "Why do I never wear these anymore?" I thought. They were so comfortable. I loved them. I slid into them and off to the gym I went. I worked out vigorously that morning, treadmill, lots of leg weights, specifically the machines where you sit down and and squeeze your legs in and out to work the insides and outsides of your thighs. The further apart you can get your legs, the harder the workout. I had lots of stares that morning. Lots of college girls really dress up for the gym. They don't wear ratty old cut off sweat pants and t-shirts with paint on them so I just shrugged it off. When I went into to shower I was horrified as I discovered why I had quit wearing my old shorts. They were so old and worn that the crotch of them was mostly gone. And I was wearing flesh colored underwear.

Bobolicios  (Level: 119.6 - Posts: 1745)
Thu, 8th Oct '09 11:13 PM

The last two had me cackling so loud the dog was looking at me funny. Wow. I have tears running down my cheeks. You guys are Fun nee. I will have to think back to get something even in the vicinity of these. Love it love it. Bobo

Clevercloggs  (Level: 27.4 - Posts: 1246)
Fri, 9th Oct '09 2:46 AM

I ran out of petrol a few hundred yards short of the petrol station, we were on the way to a fancy dress party. My (ex) wife steered as i pushed the car that last short distance, slightly up hill. There were many car horns and shouts of derision as everyone got a good look up my mini dress, and the stockings and suspenders that it did little to hide.

M48ortal  (Level: 263.5 - Posts: 3848)
Fri, 9th Oct '09 7:08 AM

Good twist, Mr. O'Henry.

Pennwoman  (Level: 163.1 - Posts: 2475)
Fri, 9th Oct '09 10:44 AM

I expected good behaviour from my children when they were in public... much to my dismay, my youngest son was suspended from riding the school bus for one day, after he threw some gravel at the bus. I was furious. So I told him, he clearly required supervision and would be accompanied to the bus stop and I would be waiting for him when he got off.
The next morning, bed head and all, I stood there with him, until he was picked up. I was working 3-11 that day, so I had already told Paul's brother and sister, that they had to pick him up from the bus.

So when the bus pulled up that afternoon, David and his best friend Tim, where waiting. Waiting with them, was a 3 foot high, plastic ghost, 3 large turkey decoys, the boys where dressed, with boxer shorts on the outside of their pants, David had a cap with a large cloth stuffed fish on it. Tim was wearing the helmet from his suit of armour costume for a play he was in. Tim had a string of lights with trout, around his shoulders. David had a poster board with "I'm Paul's brother" on it. Timmy had the shield from his suit of armour with "I'm Pauls brothers friend" on it.

And what was my daughter, generally the responsible child of the family doing?
Taking pictures!

Oddly enough, Paul never acted up on the bus again.

Bbear  (Level: 168.0 - Posts: 2291)
Fri, 9th Oct '09 11:03 AM

When my son was about 10 my twin daughters were a year old. We went shopping with my grandmother. The twins were pulling stuff down from the shelves on both sides of the aisle, screaming and carrying on. My son was pitching a loud annoying fit over some stupid thing he wanted me to buy. I wanted the earth to open up and drop me in.

I asked my grandmother at what age it gets better. She responded with a grin "Oh, when they hit 50 it's not so bad".

F5laur  (Level: 31.1 - Posts: 823)
Fri, 9th Oct '09 4:15 PM

Thank you, Micheal for the comic strip. I actually want to thank all of you for your hilarious stories. I got some bad news today and wasn't going to even come on the computer today but now I am laughing so hard and am so happy you all had the nerve to post.
I have one that was worse than the camaras in the hospital parking lot, but didn't have the nerve to share it until I just read Suzanne's. ROFL
OK here it goes: I was in my Sr. year in high school but was also going to college, because I was an accellerated student(not anymore LOL). Anyway, I was finished taking a major exam but had to wait the entire time in the class room so I put my head down to rest for awhile. I ended up falling asleep, but woke myself up from my snoring, as everyone else was chuckling. To make matters worse, as I was stretching, I let out a very loud "rooty-toot"!!! OMG this guy yelled.."better go check your pants"!!! I had no clue how to respond so I left the class room because I was so embarrased. I was just standing in the hallway when the monitor told me I had to go back in the class room because of the importance of the cheating policy! At that point I did not care if he thought I was cheating but had to go back in anyway. When I went back to my seat the same guy comes out with "all cleaned up?" I had no choice but to say "Everything is fine now, thank you". Now comes graduation. My friends and classmates made up a banner that read "Class stinker...Laurie Zurner" ROFL
Have a good weekend everybody!

Bobolicios  (Level: 119.6 - Posts: 1745)
Fri, 9th Oct '09 4:25 PM

Too funny Laurie!

F5laur  (Level: 31.1 - Posts: 823)
Fri, 9th Oct '09 6:13 PM

Now it is Bobo. LOL It certainly was not funny at the time! ROFL

Osuzannacollage  (Level: 132.1 - Posts: 1299)
Fri, 9th Oct '09 6:35 PM many from which to choose...

Must be the annual St. Patrick's Day Pub Crawl in Key West when I lived there many years ago.

I joined many others for this much anticipated annual event for the first time. It almost took an Act of Congress, but managed to cover all of the shifts at my restaurant that day in order to throw caution to the wind and have a blast. One of my friends challenged me to do the Crawl with him on roller skates, as he had an extra pair. Always game (at the time) for something novel and memorable, I eagerly accepted the challenge.

Much thought and preparation went into it all, including my attire. Perhaps I had lost my mind, but I finally selected my much prized brand new Size 2 tight and short jean skirt and an appropriately green tank top. Had lost a few pounds and was very proud of my figure, so I couldn't wait to show it off. Little did I know...

So I managed to squeeze into my new little skirt and happily laced up my skates -- all ready to go! The deal was that in every bar you visited (think there were about 20 or so) you got a beverage gift of their choice. Most were shots of schnapps, but some were draft beers. About halfway through, we were all feeling a bit wobbly, especially since it kicked off at ten in the morning. I remember skating into the Green Parrot and getting a hug from Mel Fisher -- he was my occasional jitterbug partner. Dang! I was feeling quite gifted in the skating department, and more than a bit buzzed. Great day so far!

The next scheduled bar stop was off of Duval Street a ways. Completely overconfident in my abilities, I skated over to a group of friends who asked me to skate to the next bar backwards. Naturally, I was game. The thing about skating in reverse is that you can't see what's in front of you. So there's little wonder that I missed that dreaded rock.

The next thing I knew, I was flying up in the air. Immediately upon landing squarely on my rear, my tight little skirt blew out it's full-length zipper and completely left my body. So there I was, lying on the sidewalk in my green tank top and underwear. You have to realize that hundreds of folks were strolling by at that very moment. Being Key Weird, it probably wasn't all of that unusual a sight, but it sure did shock me.

Some guy I'd never met before ran out of his house with a towel, which I eagerly accepted and wrapped around me to cover up. His wife wasn't home, but he kindly loaned me a pair of her shorts so that I could finish the Crawl properly. Don't know why I continued on skates, but it had become important somehow to do so. We all had a ball that day, and it's a day I'll always remember. Fortunately, I was sufficiently intoxicated to not absolutely die of embarrassment.

So it's really true -- pride goeth before the fall. Trust me on that.

Salzypat  (Level: 162.6 - Posts: 5425)
Fri, 9th Oct '09 8:24 PM

Do you suppose we could gather enough of these to write a book??? ROFL

My life has been so dull compared to all these.

M48ortal  (Level: 263.5 - Posts: 3848)
Fri, 9th Oct '09 9:41 PM

Uh-oh. That may mean that yours just hasn't happened ... yet.

Another one. Prologue: I've had enough serious ladder accidents, working on our rural two-story dutch-barn house, that my family has now banned me from climbing ladders unless at least two of them are present. One to hold the ladder and one to video-tape in case it happens again. AFV pays big bucks. I even named my math consulting program "Ladder Survivors, Inc."

My last serious fall was a few year's back. I needed to clear the gutters as a storm was approaching, and my wife was ready to hold the ladder for me. The ladder was set, feet on our wooden deck, top rung just under the clogged gutter. Just then, the phone rang and my wife turned to answer it. It was a long-winded relative and the conversation dragged on until it started to rain. I gave up and quickly climbed the ladder. Just as I reached over the gutter's edge and grabbed a handful of leaves, I felt the bottom of the ladder kick outward on the wet deck. I remember my arm going through the ladder, and spinning around so I was under the ladder. I bounced at least twice and landed on my back across a deck rail before bouncing finally to the deck floor, with the ladder on top of me and my left arm twisted through it. I looked up to see my wife standing over me with her foot on my chest to keep me from moving. She was calling 911. I told her I was OK, but she insisted. About then, I realized I was definitely going to the hospital. I also remembered how I was dressed. I was old enough for AARP, wearing a 'wife-beater' undershirt, bright yellow knee-length volleyball shorts with "surfer dude" on the legs, ankle socks and the worn-out shoes I used for garden work. Because of the danger of spinal injury, I couldn't do much about the shirt, but I talked her into pulling off the shorts and socks and helping me pull on more respectable attire.

I missed a couple of days of school and by the time I got back, the rumor mill was running full steam. "Mr. C!" the kids said, "Is it true you fell off a two story ladder?" "Not a word of it," I insisted, "I held on to it, alllll the way to the ground."

Clevercloggs  (Level: 27.4 - Posts: 1246)
Fri, 9th Oct '09 9:43 PM

One awful example, and there is no humour in this at all. A girl we used as a babysitter, around eighteen years old, had a baby herself. Tragically it was still born. My ex wife and i visited her in hospital, her parents were already there. A photograph of the unfortunate infant had been taken, she looked lovely wrapped in a white shawl. My wife took the photo, and searching for something to say, blurted out. "Oh, that's a nice photo, did you take it yourself ?". I wanted the ground to open open up and swallow us.

Bobolicios  (Level: 119.6 - Posts: 1745)
Fri, 9th Oct '09 9:46 PM

Personally, should have left the shorts on would have been much better story at school.

Bobolicios  (Level: 119.6 - Posts: 1745)
Fri, 9th Oct '09 9:47 PM

You know they have people who will clean your gutters. I think surfer shorts are cool.

Salzypat  (Level: 162.6 - Posts: 5425)
Fri, 9th Oct '09 10:02 PM

OK, I finally remembered a funny embarrassing moment. (I've had plenty of the humiliating embarrassing moments. Just as soon not share those).

It was during my first pregnancy and I was probably 71/2-8 months along, This was before the days of specialized pregnancy bras and underpants. My mother-in-law had given me a pair of her old-lady underpanties that had huge legs that fell about mid-thigh. It had a drawstring at the waist. One day I was dying some curtains brown and on a whim I tossed those underpants in the vat of dye. Mixed with their original pink color, the resulting color was pretty nauseating.

So one bright morning I waddled off to the doctor's office, wearing the boxy maternity top I had made, the huge ugly brown underpanties and a skirt. I had been at the doctor's office two weeks' before and he had checked me thoroughly, taking measurements, etc. So this visit would be just to ask me how I was doing, weigh me, make a few notes and send me on my way.

Or so I thought.

He weighed me, checked my blood pressure and asked me the usual questions. Then, instead of saying "see you in a couple weeks," he said "climb up on the table and we'll see how you are doing."

(This was also before the days when they had to put you in a special gown and have 2 or 3 witnesses present when they examined you.) So I was up on the table and I remembered at that moment that I was wearing those ugly brown underpanties with the legs that came down mid-thigh and had a shoestring in the waistband for a drawstring.

I stuttered and stammered and made excuses and he just laughed. I can only imagine all the colors of red my face turned.

Uturntama  (Level: 51.0 - Posts: 179)
Fri, 9th Oct '09 10:38 PM

The setting is Laguna Beach.....mid summer......the town full of tourists and I basking in the beautiful Southern California sunshine laying on main beach. I get the urge to go to the bathroom and so off I trot in my one piece bathing suit to go relieve myself. Well, all you girls who have worn a one piece know what a hassle it is to go to the restroom, so instead of taking the entire bathing suit off to do my business, I pulled the suit to one side and proceeded. Feeling much better, I stride down the boardwalk getting many ADMIRING looks. I'm thinking, I must wear this suit again. As I approach my towel to lay down........I figure out what all the looks were about. I had the longest piece of white toilet paper hanging out of the back of my suit and dragging behind me. Thank God for laughter and for this thread Laurie. I'm still praying for you!

Pennwoman  (Level: 163.1 - Posts: 2475)
Fri, 9th Oct '09 10:46 PM

I was shopping one year for Christmas, with all 3 of my kids in tow. They were 6,5 and 2. We headed into Victoria's Secret, looking for pj's for my best friend.... a nice lady came to help us. She was showing me various things, being very helpful. Suddenly, she took a very large step away from my son, who was in a stroller......
He had licked her leg. Yes, my son licked a woman in Victoria's Secret.....

M48ortal  (Level: 263.5 - Posts: 3848)
Fri, 9th Oct '09 10:51 PM


Been tempted to do that myself.

Thank goodness for self-control.

Tresayre  (Level: 82.0 - Posts: 362)
Sat, 10th Oct '09 11:10 AM

A few weeks ago I walked around the local supermarket for at least fifteen minutes.
I wondered why everyone was smiling at me until one lady came up to me while I was lined up at the checkup counter and whispered in my ear " your skirt is tucked up in your knickers"
I used to like that skirt too... now I'm super careful when I wear it!

Salzypat  (Level: 162.6 - Posts: 5425)
Sat, 10th Oct '09 2:20 PM

Don't you wonder why all those other dopes smiling at you didn't have the courtesy to come up to you as that lady did and just mention that fact to you? I'd rather be embarrassed with one person telling me than be embarrassed knowing 30 people had seen me.

Felix  (Level: 109.3 - Posts: 2498)
Sat, 10th Oct '09 3:24 PM

Having the lady snatch the bag form my hand at the Chinese carry-out and say 'Sorry, this order belong to other fat guy."

Summertime  (Level: 115.7 - Posts: 1123)
Sat, 10th Oct '09 4:06 PM

Par for your course Felix! Another winner! Deedee

Rowlanda  (Level: 70.0 - Posts: 2853)
Sun, 11th Oct '09 1:12 AM

Just laughed my way through this whole thread
and wanted to say a BIG thank you to all who
It reminds me of the "Olden Days" on Sploofus
when people were kinder and funnier....
and it made me want to visit Salty Dog more
often than I have lately....

F5laur  (Level: 31.1 - Posts: 823)
Sun, 11th Oct '09 11:34 AM

Now it's your turn, Rowlanda. LOL Go ahead, be brave!

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