You are not signed in (Login or Join Free)   |   Help
Sploofus Trivia
Trivia GamesCommunityLeaderboardsTournaments
MySploofus
You are here:  Home  >>  Chat Forums  >>  The Salty Dog  >>  View Chat Message

View Chat Message



Pages:  1    


jank0614
Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4597)
Sun, 11th Oct '09 7:53 PM

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

If you read the Coopman's thread, you know that Mrs. Coopman's granddaughter died in the womb Thursday and Mrs. Coopman is now in the hospital with pneumonia.

My student and her family are distraught that there is no money for a funeral. The family did take pictures with the baby. She weighed a little over 4 pounds and was gorgeous.

What should I do? I'm not a member of the family, and I'm certainly not rich. But should I intervene and try to pay for a cemetary plot and a graveside service after Mrs. Coopman gets out of the hospital?

Or since I'm not a member of the family, should I just stay out of it and let the powers that be take care of the baby? I have no idea how the hospital/mortuary handles this kind of situation......

Does anyone know how the hospital or county or whoever handles something like that? Any advice? At this moment, I'm just clueless. But I ache for this family.

bobolicios
Bobolicios  (Level: 118.4 - Posts: 1745)
Sun, 11th Oct '09 8:05 PM

Jan, you know I care for you despite our political differences. Remember my pm to you and this is exactly the situation that your good heart should stay out of. I don't know what their religious views are but talk to your pastor and see if their is something the church can do or their church. You are not family and this may be misconstrued by them and others. Maybe you could give a donation to their church or yours. Maybe the family would benefit more from a donation to their church anonymously. They may feel burdened by such genorosity and not be able to convey that to you. Just my take on it others may not agree but it really is not your place, and as you have stated you are not rich.

bobolicios
Bobolicios  (Level: 118.4 - Posts: 1745)
Sun, 11th Oct '09 8:27 PM

Jan, you could also contact local social services who probably have a list of agencies that will help with the burial and such. The hospital has a social worker the family could speak to her since the sw is probably already aware of the families medical burdens. You aren't responsible to should this yourself.

goddess28
Goddess28  (Level: 92.6 - Posts: 5236)
Sun, 11th Oct '09 8:46 PM

Take up a collection.

kimoira
Kimoira  (Level: 201.8 - Posts: 1190)
Sun, 11th Oct '09 9:12 PM

Janice you are such a generous and joyful person, bit I do feel that immediate family or a social service agency should handle this.

This girl has family and hopefully they can find their way to see to these matters.



m48ortal
M48ortal  (Level: 251.3 - Posts: 3742)
Sun, 11th Oct '09 10:02 PM

If you know the name of the funeral home they will use, that would be my starting point. Ask the funeral director what plans have been made and what options they offer when this situation occurs. There is probably already some organization through which you can make a donation, usually a church or school group. If not, then talk to your principal or guidance counselor about getting something started, IF the family approves. Some folks don't appreciate having their privacy broken. Good luck. Your heart is in the right place.

goddess28
Goddess28  (Level: 92.6 - Posts: 5236)
Sun, 11th Oct '09 10:05 PM

Matthew 6:1-4

kimoira
Kimoira  (Level: 201.8 - Posts: 1190)
Sun, 11th Oct '09 10:05 PM

Geezus M48 that's scary.

fudypatootie
Fudypatootie  (Level: 197.2 - Posts: 1302)
Sun, 11th Oct '09 10:05 PM

PM

jank0614
Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4597)
Sun, 11th Oct '09 10:21 PM

Thank you guys. A lot of wisdom.

Goddess - not interested in reward here nor there. I'm only interested in doing the right thing, having never been in this situation before. Mom befriended me last year - she doesn't have many friends. Now with pneumonia in the hospital, I figured she'd be relying on me more than ever. I don't want to insult her, hurt her, or in any way do the wrong thing. But this situation is WAY over my head.

I think I've come to the right place to ask for advice. You are not in my real life - people in the real life might surely think I was after rewards....



goddess28
Goddess28  (Level: 92.6 - Posts: 5236)
Sun, 11th Oct '09 10:29 PM

I didn't post it about reward, I thought the message was to just do it, and dont talk about it.

jank0614
Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4597)
Sun, 11th Oct '09 10:33 PM

Got ya. Thanks!

linenlady
Linenlady  (Level: 159.1 - Posts: 306)
Sun, 11th Oct '09 10:34 PM

Every patient in a hospital has a case manager; same as a social worker, but they see the patient from admission to discharge and make sure the patient's needs have been met even after leaving the hospital. They are amazing founts of knowledge about what social agencies are available and what they will help with and take care of. If the daughter-in-law is still in the hospital, her case manager could be reached and the situation explained. (This may have already been done). HIPPA regulations make it impossible for them to discuss anything with you, unless you have been authorized, but they will take your information and work with the family.
Diane

jank0614
Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4597)
Sun, 11th Oct '09 10:36 PM

Thank you so much! I didn't know that at all.

I'm so grateful to you for letting us know.

fudypatootie
Fudypatootie  (Level: 197.2 - Posts: 1302)
Sun, 11th Oct '09 11:00 PM

Thanks, Linenlady. That is helpful info!

m48ortal
M48ortal  (Level: 251.3 - Posts: 3742)
Sun, 11th Oct '09 11:01 PM

Just to clear up a misunderstanding, I'm definitely not suggesting you try to take over funeral arrangements. I live in a small town where the funeral director knows everyone. In our case, he would know whether any group has offered to help with finances, and you could then work through them to help the family anonymously. I know that you are a teacher, as was I. Our faculty has helped many of our students and their families through the years, working with their churches and other organizations.

I apologize publicly here to anyone who thinks I am a creepy old man or any other invective. I've been in your shoes. My post did not come across clearly, apparently.

jank0614
Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4597)
Sun, 11th Oct '09 11:14 PM

Hey COM (creepy old man) - I found your post(s) very helpful. Thank you so very much!

alvandy
Alvandy  (Level: 229.5 - Posts: 7564)
Sun, 11th Oct '09 11:31 PM

Everyone's advice has been very helpful. If I had been contacted through my office at United Way with a similar situation via referral , I would be advising many of the same points that have been suggested.
Other thoughts- there may be a chaplain's office or community services division through a local police station by the way. They work with situations like this. Some funeral homes do work with families in financial distress too.
You could set up a fund for the family through a local bank too.
Contact the I & R agency near your vicinity for additional suggestions and contacts.


jank0614
Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4597)
Sun, 11th Oct '09 11:39 PM

Great ideas, too, Al! Thanks.

Maybe I can gather all the info I need before I go to the hospital tomorrow.

salzypat
Salzypat  (Level: 156.4 - Posts: 5316)
Mon, 12th Oct '09 12:18 AM

See PM

aquamar
Aquamar  (Level: 178.9 - Posts: 909)
Mon, 12th Oct '09 1:02 AM

Where I live someone always makes sure a fund for the family is set up at one of our local banks. That way if anyone wants to give to the family they can do it anonymously. This method seems to work quite well.

jank0614
Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4597)
Tue, 13th Oct '09 4:37 PM

Ok - thanks to you guys everything is set in place. People came out of the woodwork to help. Thank you so very much - I am deeply grateful for all your advice.

Graveside service is Thursday.

Now - I am praying very much that my next update on Mrs. Coopman is better than I fear.

She will not be out of the hospital to get to go to the service.

Her bacterial meningitis and staff infections have not been conquered as the surgeon hoped, nor has her constant IV antibiotic worked. Combined with pneumonia, her situation has turned for the worse.

clevercloggs
Clevercloggs  (Level: 27.4 - Posts: 1246)
Tue, 13th Oct '09 4:54 PM

Do you think maybe somebody forgot to pray ?

jank0614
Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4597)
Tue, 13th Oct '09 5:16 PM

I thought you had been asked not to post that way on prayer threads.

clevercloggs
Clevercloggs  (Level: 27.4 - Posts: 1246)
Tue, 13th Oct '09 5:18 PM

I thought you may have read my response.

clevercloggs
Clevercloggs  (Level: 27.4 - Posts: 1246)
Tue, 13th Oct '09 5:22 PM

What way, logically ?

f5laur
F5laur  (Level: 31.1 - Posts: 823)
Tue, 13th Oct '09 6:00 PM

CC go to the Tici bar. you'll feel much better

clevercloggs
Clevercloggs  (Level: 27.4 - Posts: 1246)
Wed, 14th Oct '09 4:42 AM

I had to Google "Tici", did you mean Tiki ? If you did, i find suggesting an alcoholic go to a bar is far more potentially harmfull than anything i have posted about the futility of prayer. Unless of course you thought a diet Coke was going to "make me feel better". I won't be bitching about it to anyone though.

linenlady
Linenlady  (Level: 159.1 - Posts: 306)
Wed, 14th Oct '09 9:16 AM

Well, CC you seem to have had your tender feelings trampled on by some insensitive person who didn't take into account your vulnerability to alcohol and how you need to be protected from any reference to such a thing and who obviously didn't consider your every possible pained response to such a suggestion. But your snotty suggestion that someone might have "forgotten to pray" for a sick woman and her family is considered a harmless remark? It would appear that the shoe pinches when it's you that has to wear it.
Diane

f5laur
F5laur  (Level: 31.1 - Posts: 823)
Wed, 14th Oct '09 9:40 AM

CC,
I just looked up your profile and didn't see anything about you being an alcoholic, but then again it only makes sense that you might not have wanted to share that information. When I posted that about the Tiki bar, I was referring to a fun thread that is on here. We all took cookies cakes, etc. all in good fun. I asked for a diet Dr. Pepper and joked to bring me a bottle of malibu rum because of the web site problems that were going on last week. I don't drink either and I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I wish you would have told me about this in a PM as now, you shared that information about yourself to others.
Maybe I'm wrong but I may not be the only one that didn't know.
I'm sorry that I unintentually hurt your feelings.
Maybe you and I can go to the Tiki bar and be diet soda partners. I'll make sure to bring some chocolate chip cookies and milk too.

linenlady
Linenlady  (Level: 159.1 - Posts: 306)
Wed, 14th Oct '09 9:46 AM

Laurie, I hope you realize that I was being sarcastic about your "insensitivity". I know that you're nothing of the sort, and made the remark in a kindly manner. People make comments all the time and are not under any obligation to have a total understanding of the people they may be addressing before they make them.
Diane

clevercloggs
Clevercloggs  (Level: 27.4 - Posts: 1246)
Wed, 14th Oct '09 11:01 AM

"Maybe you and I can go to the Tiki bar and be diet soda partners"
Sounds like a plan. Get your people to call my people.................

f5laur
F5laur  (Level: 31.1 - Posts: 823)
Wed, 14th Oct '09 11:23 AM

That's ok, Diane. I already have my foot in my mouth. I'd have the other one in also if it weren't for this darn cast! LOL
CC, I'll also bring Sociable crackers and cheese wizz. Goes great with Diet Dr. Pepper, so will go great with Diet Coke. I also drink Diet Caffeine Free Coke when I start to feel "over caffinated" LOL I wish Dr. Pepper would come out with caffeine free.

clevercloggs
Clevercloggs  (Level: 27.4 - Posts: 1246)
Wed, 14th Oct '09 7:51 PM

>>>>>I also drink Diet Caffeine Free Coke <<<<<
Isn't that what we call "water" ?

smokydevil
Smokydevil  (Level: 163.0 - Posts: 5381)
Thu, 15th Oct '09 1:27 AM

In the religious debate as to whether prayer changes the world around us or just the person praying, you seem to be against the view that prayer changes the world around us CC. Your view has a long list of admirers, even in the religious community. Can we not agree that even if prayer doesn't change the events in the world, that it at least helps people to "let go" of things that are worrying them, or helps them to not center their lives around themselves so much? I can't imagine, whoever wins in this debate, that it really does nothing at all, effect the outside world or not.

clevercloggs
Clevercloggs  (Level: 27.4 - Posts: 1246)
Thu, 15th Oct '09 5:26 AM

In deference to Salzypat i will answer that privately. Please note though, in the words of Dido...."There is no white flag above my door".

chyenn
Chyenn  (Level: 202.6 - Posts: 1332)
Thu, 15th Oct '09 1:14 PM

in an effort to steer this back to the original intent...

Janice said graveside services were scheduled for today and my thoughts and prayers have been with the Coopman family.

has there been any more news about Mrs. Coopman prognosis?

f5laur
F5laur  (Level: 31.1 - Posts: 823)
Thu, 15th Oct '09 1:51 PM

I second Chyeen's post.

f5laur
F5laur  (Level: 31.1 - Posts: 823)
Thu, 15th Oct '09 2:00 PM

Diet caffeine Coke is pretty much like drinking water but it sure is better than water when one is addicted to soda, like me. LOL I consume about a case of soda a day. I tried regular soda in efforts to put some weight on and Yuck. That crap tastes like what terpentine smells like!

jank0614
Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4597)
Thu, 15th Oct '09 8:59 PM

Mrs. Coopman was having several tests today while we were at the service. Her temperature is still fluctuating. I don't know when I'll know more than that.

Note to self - NEVER again will I ever play for the funeral of a baby. I did it because they asked me to (my personal desire was to be with Mrs. Coopman during the funeral since she would have no family with her). That was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Those of you who have lost children have my deepest sympathy - I wish no parent ever had to go through that.

smoke
Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12009)
Thu, 15th Oct '09 9:35 PM

My mom and the fellowship family outreach lady from church got me through it. This dear lady knew everything that needed to be done, and how to make it happen with the least fuss; thank you Sylvia, wherever you may be. Someone has probably planned her funeral by now, she was old and frail 25 years ago. My mother made all the financial arrangements and paid for everything from her retirement savings. I paid her back months later when his life insurance was paid, and tried to give my children and grandbaby Alex a beautiful Christmas with what was left.

I barely remember the actual planning, a lot of quiet phone calls and gentle questions; choices to make that didn't seem to matter. The three days seemed like a year, from the planning to the day of the funeral with it hanging over us all. My brother-in-law took care of so many details for me, bringing his clothes to the funeral home, seeing that all was done as we wanted.

That was a wonderful thing you did, Jan. The family has been very fortunate to have you in this terrible time.


Pages:  1    



Copyright © 2003-2016 Sploofus Holdings LLC.  All rights reserved.
Legal Notice & Privacy Statement  |  Link to Sploofus