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smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Sun, 25th Oct '09 3:06 PM

HOW MANY 5 YR OLDS COULD YOU BEAT UP AT ONCE?

I've always found this to be an interesting debate.

Here are the rules:

You are in an enclosed area roughly the size of a basketball court
There are no weapons or foreign objects
Everyone is wearing a cup (so no kicks to the groin)
The children are merciless and will show no fear
If a child is knocked unconscious, he is "out." The same goes for you.

There was a quiz somewhere on the internet that graded you on things like your arm reach, willingness to swing an unconscious child as a weapon, number of fights you have been in, morality (would you gouge eyes?), and height you can kick.

The 5 yr olds attack in a swarm.

I figure I could take 31-33 at a time.



sandracam
Sandracam  (Level: 149.3 - Posts: 4190)
Sun, 25th Oct '09 4:33 PM

ghod bless the internet.

goddess28
Goddess28  (Level: 92.6 - Posts: 5236)
Sun, 25th Oct '09 4:46 PM

I don't know about anyone else here...but when my boy was 5, he kicked my ass STEADY! Don't want anymore 5 year olds.

lodi
Lodi  (Level: 98.8 - Posts: 2144)
Sun, 25th Oct '09 5:38 PM

Lots of 5 year olds at once = my personal hell.

m48ortal
M48ortal  (Level: 251.5 - Posts: 3742)
Sun, 25th Oct '09 7:02 PM

Careful, Smaug. Your 31-33 5-yr-olds at one time qualifies you to to teach pre-school in some New Jersey school districts.

The energy level of 5 and 6-yr-olds is one reason I never taught below 6th grade.

BTW, how did you come up with such a strange number range? Is there a formula?


smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Sun, 25th Oct '09 7:49 PM


www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com

fudypatootie
Fudypatootie  (Level: 197.3 - Posts: 1302)
Sun, 25th Oct '09 9:39 PM

Apparently, I can take about 19 of them. What is the weirdest part is the quiz is apparently sponsored by a dating site. Should you only date someone who can take on roughly the same number of kids? Would you feel inadequate if he/she could take on twice as many?

bobolicios
Bobolicios  (Level: 118.8 - Posts: 1745)
Sun, 25th Oct '09 10:32 PM

I have a just turned 5 year old grand daughter we had her party today. I just spent the weekend sitting for my 18month, 4, and 5 year old grand daughters. I can tell you they are rough and in my case I would be forced to use my intellect or time outs I think physical violence with children is out dated. A time out or restriction is better, so why are you talking about physical violence with young children? I find this somewhat baffling unless this is some kind of Smaug joke.

fudypatootie
Fudypatootie  (Level: 197.3 - Posts: 1302)
Sun, 25th Oct '09 11:45 PM

Here's a quarter for you: http://ambassador.rit.edu/bca/images/stories/blogs/50_states_quarter.jpg

You might want to use it to buy a clue.

smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Sun, 25th Oct '09 11:45 PM


(ignoring Boblicious)

Okay, what if you have a cavalry sword? I have an 1863 Union cavalry sword, wicked sharp and light as a feather.

....remember, you have to stand in the middle of the court as they swarm around you, and they are fearless.

I'd say with the sword I could take out 75-80...

bbear
Bbear  (Level: 161.7 - Posts: 2301)
Sun, 25th Oct '09 11:47 PM

Bring 'em on! I'll take 7 at once. Except if they are from certain difficult neighborhoods in New Orleans. In that case, I'll take 1 18 month old and still get my butt whooped.

fudypatootie
Fudypatootie  (Level: 197.3 - Posts: 1302)
Sun, 25th Oct '09 11:47 PM

I'm going to suggest some kind of shielding for the knees so the little buggers can't get in under the sword and take you down that way. Thus guarded, I wholly agree that you could get that many.

lodi
Lodi  (Level: 98.8 - Posts: 2144)
Mon, 26th Oct '09 12:20 AM

Ought to be able to hold them off with one of those spiky steel balls on the end of a chain, but it it would awkward swinging so low.

achad
Achad  (Level: 204.5 - Posts: 661)
Mon, 26th Oct '09 5:59 AM

Give them all free 'sweets' (very high grade sweets), sit back and relax.

smoke
Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12009)
Mon, 26th Oct '09 8:18 AM

I've got some brownies that will take the fight out of 'em.

pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Mon, 26th Oct '09 9:35 AM

You gotta figure at least some of them are wearing soccer shin guards..... my plan is to strip them off and use the shin guards like amour!

bobolicios
Bobolicios  (Level: 118.8 - Posts: 1745)
Mon, 26th Oct '09 7:20 PM

Sorry but I didn't get the joke, oh it is Smaug so it is meant to be funny. My bad. Sorry folks I guess I was in a tired grandmother mode. I did a lot of time outs this weekend, but I threatened with a wooden spoon which after a few times they look at you and laugh. Sorry folks didn't mean to sidetrack the "funny" thread. Fudy, you can have your quarter back, call someone who cares.

crazy4games
Crazy4games  (Level: 123.0 - Posts: 1020)
Mon, 26th Oct '09 7:29 PM

mmmmm...brownies

smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Mon, 26th Oct '09 7:42 PM

Okay...so....I guess the point is what if you had a wooden spoon? Ok....would it be best to use as a stabber, I guess? Should you break it to get a sharp edge?

Kind of getting into sick territory with that wooden spoon idea, but, okay, what if you wielded a wooden spoon?

fudypatootie
Fudypatootie  (Level: 197.3 - Posts: 1302)
Tue, 27th Oct '09 10:57 AM

Impale one and use it to scare and ward off the others?

smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Tue, 27th Oct '09 11:16 AM

Well, they are ferocious and don't scare. Think the Feral Kid in Mad Max.

We should get off the wooden spoon, I don't know why bobo introduced it. Maybe she has issues, it is sort of sick....

smoke
Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12009)
Tue, 27th Oct '09 11:23 AM

Sicker than swords? Sicker that a "game" imaging violence to toddlers? Help me out, I'm not seeing the distinction.

garrybl
Garrybl  (Level: 280.2 - Posts: 6644)
Tue, 27th Oct '09 11:45 AM

The thing is, children may have seen Buffy the vampire slayer already, and realize that coming at you single-handed is NOT the way to go. If they all attack at once you will be engulfed under the wave.
By the way if you ARE going to use a sword 'single-handed' might be the apposite adjective.

Barry

salzypat
Salzypat  (Level: 156.5 - Posts: 5316)
Tue, 27th Oct '09 1:22 PM

Excuse me, but this is really "sick." I hate to be a downer but this whole thread brings an image to mind of what Nazi soldiers did with Jewish babies.

This thread may have started as dark humor but it has taken a wicked turn.

smoke
Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12009)
Tue, 27th Oct '09 1:37 PM

And I'm sorry too. We're burying a murdered child here today and they haven't caught the killer, who had tried a week earlier to take another child in the same location, a 5-year-old as it happens.

They found Somer Thompson (she was 9, a distant relation of my best friend) dumped in a landfill and they're digging up landfills for miles around as I type to see if there are more murdered children. They haven't yet released details of how Somer was killed, so I suppose I am oversensitized in imagining horrible things done to small children.

Forgive me for not getting the joke.

smoke
Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12009)
Tue, 27th Oct '09 1:38 PM

Correction, she was 7.

clevercloggs
Clevercloggs  (Level: 27.4 - Posts: 1246)
Tue, 27th Oct '09 1:43 PM

It'll soon be halloween, i'll let you know.

towerguard
Towerguard  (Level: 71.6 - Posts: 150)
Tue, 27th Oct '09 3:00 PM

I don't buy the context of this "game". It says, "The children are merciless and will show no fear." One of the biggest differences between a 5 year old and an adult would be the fear and intimidation factors. This would be a game fight between you and a zombie army in 5 year old bodies.

I saw a so-so movie called War Games from back in the 80s when I was about a 5 year old, or maybe younger. I think the quote from the computer from near the end of the movie sums this game up.

goddess28
Goddess28  (Level: 92.6 - Posts: 5236)
Tue, 27th Oct '09 7:32 PM

I like that movie!

fudypatootie
Fudypatootie  (Level: 197.3 - Posts: 1302)
Tue, 27th Oct '09 7:46 PM

That is a good movie.

The idea was how many kids could you fight off, not kill. I didn't mean anything by the impale remark, as this whole thread is supposed to be one big joke.

http://bulk.destructoid.com/ul/user/1/1538-94168-WhySoSerious02jpg-468x.jpg


kaufman
Kaufman  (Level: 257.1 - Posts: 3936)
Tue, 27th Oct '09 8:09 PM

"War Games"?

Ok, how many 5-year-olds could you simultaneously beat at tic-tac-toe?

smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Tue, 27th Oct '09 8:56 PM

Jesus, you're not killing them! You are maiming them or knocking them unconscious.

Lighten up, Francis.

lodi
Lodi  (Level: 98.8 - Posts: 2144)
Tue, 27th Oct '09 9:35 PM

Any of you guys call me Francis, and I'll kill you. If I catch any of you guys in my stuff, I'll kill you. Also, I don't like nobody touching me. Now, any of you &^&#! touch me, and I'll kill you.

bobolicios
Bobolicios  (Level: 118.8 - Posts: 1745)
Wed, 28th Oct '09 1:15 AM

I am sorry if it was meant to be a joke. However, even knowing that now couldn't you come up with something funnier than toddlers and kids. Like how about torturing some guy on a trivia site with a creepy name who never ceases to think everyone finds him amusing.

pennwoman
Pennwoman  (Level: 155.2 - Posts: 2478)
Wed, 28th Oct '09 11:12 AM

Ok, I think, this thread was a whole lot of #1 especially the absurd, or incongruous quality, partly #6, some #9
Some of you need to #12 and 13 and stop being #14 and the example in #2

Humor
1. a comic, absurd, or incongruous quality causing amusement: the humor of a situation.
2. the faculty of perceiving what is amusing or comical: He is completely without humor.
3. an instance of being or attempting to be comical or amusing; something humorous: The humor in his joke eluded the audience.
4. the faculty of expressing the amusing or comical: The author's humor came across better in the book than in the movie.
5. comical writing or talk in general; comical books, skits, plays, etc.
6. humors, peculiar features; oddities; quirks: humors of life.
7. mental disposition or temperament.
8. a temporary mood or frame of mind: The boss is in a bad humor today.
9. a capricious or freakish inclination; whim or caprice; odd trait.
10. (in medieval physiology) one of the four elemental fluids of the body, blood, phlegm, black bile, and yellow bile, regarded as determining, by their relative proportions, a person's physical and mental constitution.
11. any animal or plant fluid, whether natural or morbid, as the blood or lymph.
–verb (used with object)
12. to comply with the humor or mood of in order to soothe or make content or more agreeable: to humor a child.
13. to adapt or accommodate oneself to.

—Idiom
14. out of humor, displeased; dissatisfied; cross: The chef is feeling out of humor again and will have to be treated carefully.



smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Wed, 28th Oct '09 1:25 PM

I've been told many times I'm a ten.

smoke
Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12009)
Wed, 28th Oct '09 1:44 PM

Humor, like most things, is in the eye (or mind) of the beholder. is it okay if my sense of humor is not EXACTLY the same as someone else's all the time, no matter what may be going on in my immediate environment?

And is it okay if I say so when I think something is not so funny?

Thanks.

m2c2c2
M2c2c2  (Level: 52.1 - Posts: 24)
Wed, 28th Oct '09 1:53 PM

I think the funniest thing is when people come back 5 times to say something offends them. Sort of masochistic. The thread is labeled.

Actually, that is a new thought. Maybe we can intimidate some of the five year olds by glaring judgmentally at them with a prissy look on our face. The Nanny Gambit.

smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Wed, 28th Oct '09 1:55 PM

oops, my son was logged in. Attribute above to Smaug. heh...the Nanny Gambit. Dangerous though, they could get inside your guard....wily tots....

smoke
Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12009)
Wed, 28th Oct '09 1:57 PM

Smaug? That's not why I came back. Don't think I ever did say it "offended" me, just that I didn't think it was funny at that moment in time (or now). Maybe another day it would've cracked me up, dunno.

Sorry. Again.

1mks
1mks  (Level: 211.2 - Posts: 5887)
Wed, 28th Oct '09 6:11 PM

But feeding "brownies" to toddlers is okay? Go figure............

smoke
Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12009)
Wed, 28th Oct '09 6:15 PM

Better'n running them through with swords or impaling them.

You don't think so? I was riffing off whoever said give them sweets. Guess you have that come-and-go humor thingy too, huh?

smoke
Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12009)
Wed, 28th Oct '09 6:16 PM

Better'n running them through with swords or impaling them.

You don't think so? I was riffing off whoever said give them sweets. Guess you have that come-and-go humor thingy too, huh?

jank0614
Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4597)
Wed, 28th Oct '09 6:21 PM

I'd be in heaven to be swarmed by a group of 5 year olds - I used to teach the 5 year old class at the daycare where I was asst supervisor when my son was little. They swarmed me all the time, and those giggles were deadly....sweet.

I'd rather be swarmed by 2 year olds. Potty trained 2 year olds though. I'm lazy! Nothing causes happiness to break out like a swarm of toddlers, all babbling, grabbing on to your fingers, dragging you, trying to get you to understand something, complete with vocal inflection but no intelligible words whatsoever, other than "Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees?"

1mks
1mks  (Level: 211.2 - Posts: 5887)
Wed, 28th Oct '09 6:21 PM

Actually, I thought it was very funny and snickered gleefully but just didn't understand then why you did an about face. It was all a joke to begin with......at least that is the way I took it. No one in their right mind is going to impale a 5 yr. old. THAT was ludicrous.

jank0614
Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4597)
Wed, 28th Oct '09 6:22 PM

Nor, hopefully, give them funny brownies.

smoke
Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12009)
Wed, 28th Oct '09 6:29 PM

I was good up to the swords and then the news came on. Just caught me wrong.

How many apologies will be enough?

asor
Asor  (Level: 156.0 - Posts: 589)
Wed, 28th Oct '09 6:45 PM

I don't think any apology was necessary. When our emotions are raw, we react far differently--and far more strongly--to things than we would otherwise. I posted that "venting" note last weekend because I was in a weakened state emotionally, and so the nasty and petulant email I received from Mr. &^%$# when I beat him in the showdowns really felt like a sucker punch. Under different circumstances, I might have just grimaced, sent a silent curse in his direction, and forgotten about it.

I actually found this whole Five-Year-Olds Takedown notion highly amusing. In fact, I sent a note to my brother asking him whether he had been involved in creating the site. Totally his dark sense of humor But, my reaction would likely have been much more emotional if I were dealing with the loss of a child when I read it.

Note to self: Learn to be more succinct!!


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