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Smokydevil  (Level: 163.0 - Posts: 5381)
Sat, 21st Nov '09 2:22 AM


I am curious, what is your understanding of the term "soul mates"? How would you know if you found one? What do you mean when you use the word "soul"? I have my own beliefs and ideas about these things, but I just wanted to hear some other perspectives on this. Thanks!

Disclaimer: this in no way is a question related to my personal life, whether you think so or not. I'm not looking for advice here, I just thought it would be a fun discussion! Thanx.

Felix  (Level: 109.3 - Posts: 2500)
Sat, 21st Nov '09 7:57 AM

I am not sure that they exist. The only time that I even entertained labeling a relationship as such was well after it was over. It does not mean that a relationship is bad if the feeling of 'Sole Mate' does not apply. If this is a poll count me as a 'No!'

Donden  (Level: 112.5 - Posts: 2127)
Sat, 21st Nov '09 9:16 AM

I think "Soul Mate" is just a politically correct way of saying "Shack Job"

Pennwoman  (Level: 162.2 - Posts: 2476)
Sat, 21st Nov '09 10:27 AM

I don't know, if it exists. I do know, dating is not for the timid.
I can't explain, the connection with one man, when another man, is perfectly nice, and yet there is NOTHING there. An email, from one man, makes my heart sing, an IM, from another, makes it groan. I have been on the opposite end, where a man, felt a connection, after one coffee date and one dinner, at which he revealed something that made it impossible for me to date him. He was crushed, I was, as the kids say, "like, dude!" I have gone on perfectly lovely dates, never to hear from the date again. I spend much of my time alone, which is not something I enjoy, however I also am very aware that I don't want to settle. That being said, if you find my soul mate, please send him my way!

Smokydevil  (Level: 163.0 - Posts: 5381)
Sat, 21st Nov '09 11:59 AM

Will do Martina.

I think the definition of the soul that I generally like best for it's simplicity is the "organizational center of the personality", though there are many different definitions available out there. I think the concept of the "soul mate" (along with many other concepts not discussed here) is a relatively important concept in our world. We go through partner after partner in this world looking for our own version of the "ideal mate", for that "right one". I would think an important part of that process would be getting a general idea as to what your soul mate or perfect partner looks like, would it not?

I wonder then, would a "soul mate" then be someone who happens to organize their personalities in relatively the same way? The wikipedia article on this concept is woefully inadequate.

Winddancer41  (Level: 63.3 - Posts: 1113)
Sat, 21st Nov '09 12:01 PM

I don't really know for sure what the term soul mate means, but if there is an explaination i think i may have found mine. We have been married for 48 years and yet we still enjoy each others company and can laugh together, but we both still can be brought to tears when are daughter is very sick or we are going through a crisis with her. So maybe that is a simple way of saying i think i will keep my "soul mate" and i thank god every day for him. charlotte

Goddess28  (Level: 92.6 - Posts: 5235)
Sat, 21st Nov '09 1:05 PM

I heard a story a long time ago, I don't remember the whole thing so please bear with me.

We were originally made androgenous, and an ancient god did not like how happy we were. The god then split our soul in two and threw them to opposite sides of the planet. The myth is that we spend the rest of our lives searching for our soul mate.

That is the short version.

Smaug  (Level: 144.7 - Posts: 2765)
Sat, 21st Nov '09 2:10 PM

Let's see, after 50 large in couples counseling....

I am a big believer in two philosophies.

One is Myers-Briggs. It categorizes people into 16 different personality types. Some combinations are more compatible than others. My wife and I were four factor different, worse you can get. It is AMAZINGLY accurate, and there is a cottage industry of books and programs that can help you understand your mate's personality, needs, etc and make them happy.

The other program is called Marriagebuilders, with some of the same concepts, but more tactile changes and tasks you make to meet the others needs. MB breaks everyone's individual needs into categories -- Attractive Spouse, Financial Support, Conversation, etc, there are ten I think. It can sound a little stilted if you are of the love at first sight camp, but it can really build a happier marriage.

When you have all your needs met, you have your soulmate.


Collioure  (Level: 113.7 - Posts: 9952)
Sat, 21st Nov '09 4:20 PM

Funny you should mention that, Smaug. I am an INTJ (at least I was) probably married to an ESFP. Have to check that out, but we really click.

Pepperdoc  (Level: 152.5 - Posts: 4285)
Sat, 21st Nov '09 4:25 PM

ENTJ here.

Garrybl  (Level: 291.8 - Posts: 6772)
Sat, 21st Nov '09 7:13 PM

It is very hard to say what makes a soul-mate. I've been married to mine for 12 years together for 15. What does NOT seem to matter is:

Temperature. We differ on ideal tewmperature by 10 degrees.
Timing; I'm early she's late.
Truth/lies. I enjoy lying she prefers always to tell the truth.
Arguing; I'm so competitive I've even managed to persuade her to join in my silly games.
Taste in decor
Sense of humor
Love of pets. I like cats she likes dogs (we have none)
Sports -- Me pro she anti.
TV watching -- see above

What does matter;
We have the same degree of religious faith (nil but we share a common heritage)
Same political ideals -- as liberal as they come
Same taste in music -- modern classical, and art -- 20th century -- and theatre
Same passion for something (in this case playing bridge)

There must be more but that's all I can think of off the cuff

Fudypatootie  (Level: 205.9 - Posts: 1302)
Sat, 21st Nov '09 8:16 PM

It seems the "accepted" definition of a soul mate is someone a person feels is their "match made in heaven." However, since my mom had a great match in both my dad and step-dad (may they rest in peace), I'm not a big believer in the idea that each of us has only one person out there we will match with.

For me, I love my husband dearly, but I don't think we are soul mates simply because I do not believe in the concept. But he is my match and my best friend and I wouldn't trade him for the world.

Bobolicios  (Level: 119.6 - Posts: 1745)
Sat, 21st Nov '09 8:28 PM

I have had several and unlike Martina I am not looking. I find that when one comes along it is all part of "The Plan" of our destiny or from our supreme being. I have been fortunate to have clicked and found sympatico and a soul mate several times once with my daughters father. I will always love them and have a special place in my heart they know who they are. I usually was the one who pushed them away or caused the breakup somehow. I am growing and learning and if I am lucky enough for it to happen again this one will not get pushed away. I am not really lonely I have my family around me and you can't seek happiness in another you have to find it in yourself first. I think it is true if you don't look for it sometimes it finds you.

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