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F5laur  (Level: 31.1 - Posts: 823)
Mon, 14th Dec '09 4:28 PM


I want to thank everyone that has prayed for me for the prayers in my times of need. A very special thank you goes out to Rowlanda. Even if she was being mean with the comment "Chemo Brain", she provided me with some information that I have never heared about or have been told by any kind of specialist. I never even heard the term "chemo brain" but decided to put in a search just for curiosity reasons. There really is such a condition. One that I am not willing to risk getting with the massive chemo I was going to be having done.
Not only did I research this mind debiliting condition, I called my oncologist this morning to find out more about it. Chemo brain causes loss of memory, cognative deficits, and declining neuropsycological functioning. I never want to end up with any of this aweful condition.
I have made the decision to discontinue medical treatment and to place my health in God's hands. I have an appointment tomorrow with my oncologist anyway, to get the lab results as to whether or not my B count has increased with the immunotheapy. I will be asking to sign a DNR and also to have my Hickman Port removed.

I would much rather take this route than to go on with life with possably no memory of the good times and the blessings that have been given to me. Nor do I want to go on with mental impairment. Also, I want to be remembered for the way I am now. Laughing most of the time, helping others, and just being generally a happy person. I for sure don't want to be remembered as such a miserable person that chemo brain can cause.

I can never thank all of you in words for all the prayers and support you have given me. I am blessed to have most of you as my friends to laugh with, emails that are both funny and others that are heartwarming and the cute animal ones.

Thank you and God Bless you all,

Ladyvol  (Level: 212.1 - Posts: 5645)
Mon, 14th Dec '09 4:43 PM

God Bless you too Laurie...You are one special lady...and I am glad to call you friend!

Gypsylady  (Level: 148.0 - Posts: 6096)
Mon, 14th Dec '09 4:45 PM

I feel the same way, Laurie! May God bless you and keep you in his care. You are very special, and a lot braver than I could ever be.


Leaston  (Level: 42.6 - Posts: 839)
Mon, 14th Dec '09 4:45 PM

God Bless you too Laurie

Smaug  (Level: 144.7 - Posts: 2765)
Mon, 14th Dec '09 4:48 PM

Being as loss of memory, cognative deficits, and declining neuropsycological functioning are also simply a sign of aging maybe the best thing would be for you to do what your doc says, hon.

Bbear  (Level: 166.9 - Posts: 2297)
Mon, 14th Dec '09 4:56 PM

Maybe re-think this a bit, sweetie. Remember it was God who created that person that became a doctor.

Maybe having that doctor in front of you is God's ways of assisting!!!!

Caramel1  (Level: 135.0 - Posts: 21585)
Mon, 14th Dec '09 5:20 PM

Talk to your doctor, Laurie. Sploofus is NOT a medical site and do ot put much stock in what anyone here says about something this big and important to you and yours You are a 'KEEPER" Linda

1mks  (Level: 219.4 - Posts: 5925)
Mon, 14th Dec '09 5:25 PM

I sincerely hope and pray that you think about your decision. Do what is right for you. I think all anyone wants for you is for you to have some peace. What a brave individual you are....I have no words to tell you how much I admire you. I wish that there was something I could do for you. You know how to reach me though so stay in touch.

Bigbird  (Level: 248.9 - Posts: 3337)
Mon, 14th Dec '09 5:27 PM

You really do need to talk this over with your team of doctors. Do not let this site be your medical adviser. You seem to be taking a very large step here, and you need to be really sure it is the direction you want to go.

Fudypatootie  (Level: 205.8 - Posts: 1302)
Mon, 14th Dec '09 5:53 PM

As with any treatment or medication, different people have different reactions. Nothing is a given. You really need to discuss this thoroughly with your doctor and family before making any definite decisions. Don't be discouraged - stay strong, gal!!

Tresayre  (Level: 81.6 - Posts: 362)
Mon, 14th Dec '09 6:15 PM

So far you have put your faith in the hands of your doctors... they know what they are doing and while a percentage of people are affected many recover in time. You are doing so well with your treatment, don't be put off by this. Think about it carefully Laurie.

Osuzannacollage  (Level: 132.1 - Posts: 1299)
Mon, 14th Dec '09 6:33 PM

Echoing here what so many others have said so well...please bring your concerns to your doctors and keep open to what they advise. The truly wonderful thing is that so many folks here care! Wishing you the very best. God bless!

Virtus  (Level: 169.4 - Posts: 2489)
Mon, 14th Dec '09 6:39 PM

I am praying that God will direct you in making this difficult decision in your life. Please talk to the doctors and get their input.



Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12009)
Mon, 14th Dec '09 6:50 PM

Laurie, please don't overreact to the scary sounding stuff. My understanding is that most of those who experience this problem have breast or ovarian cancers, it only affects about a quarter of those, and it does go away after treatment. My mother got over it and was sharp as a tack to the very end, when she died from emphysema many years after beating her cancer. My mother-in-law is over it now and clear for 5 years.

Trust you doctors and hang in there for a better day.

Pennwoman  (Level: 161.8 - Posts: 2476)
Mon, 14th Dec '09 7:37 PM

You are in my thoughts and prayers, I happen to think you are a very special woman. Follow your heart AND your doctors advice. You have to do what is good for you..... but leave the Hickman port in.... If you need it later, it will be there and it will not cause you harm, while it's not being used.

Sandracam  (Level: 149.3 - Posts: 4190)
Mon, 14th Dec '09 9:05 PM

Lot's of good advice to be had. In the end of course, it's up to you. I'm sure you'll research thoroughly We love you.

Menopausin  (Level: 35.5 - Posts: 112)
Mon, 14th Dec '09 9:25 PM

Alot of great advice here. One more from me...God helps those who help themselves. Don't give up on yourself, God hasn't! Talk to the doctor. And reread these posts about the condition. You know how I feel...Love ya!!!!! Renee
PS--->>With all the prayers and support coming from here and everywhere else, how can you lose????

Menopausin  (Level: 35.5 - Posts: 112)
Mon, 14th Dec '09 9:54 PM

Yeah, about the DNR...What if some little someting stops your heart...with a DNR, you'll never know if, after they start it back, if God's will was for you to be cured and live to a ripe old age bitchin' and moanin' here with the rest of us!!! Don't do anything drastic. Wait. Pray. Live and laugh. I'm outta here.

Uturntama  (Level: 51.0 - Posts: 179)
Mon, 14th Dec '09 11:38 PM

Here is a prime example of what harmful words can do in these threads. I, for one, am no longer complaining about anything on this site. What good does it do and it just hurts people. I apologize to anyone I have offended and need to start acting like the Christian I am. Laurie...........God and the doctors and a whole lotta prayer have gotten you this far. Please, my friend, rethink this most important decision. Have you prayed about this whole heartedly and brought it to the feet of Jesus? I continue to pray. Love you lots..........Tama

Mickeym  (Level: 88.2 - Posts: 1803)
Tue, 15th Dec '09 7:42 AM

There is some very good evidence emerging that so-called chemo brain may in fact not be caused by the chemo, in many cases. There is new thought that the autoimmune response to cancers elsewhere in the body may attack the brain. A good friend of mine had a very bad case of this...and at first it was diagnosed as "chemo brain" but it was not. When it began to progress again they did a pet scan and found the new tumors -- and the progression showed it hadn't been the chemo after all.

And remember that the word chemo covers many different treatments!

You might also research support groups in your area. I found the group local to me very helpful during diagnosis and in support of treatment option decisions. They include many people who've gone through similar ordeals and can help you to make informed choices....very different from panicking alone on the web (been there done that).

There is no doubt that chemo has side effects, but you really need to go back to your oncologist and talk about your specific chemo and trade-offs.

Jeannette  (Level: 114.2 - Posts: 1735)
Tue, 15th Dec '09 10:44 AM

please go talk with your oncologist and the team that look after you . all the best xx

F5laur  (Level: 31.1 - Posts: 823)
Tue, 15th Dec '09 7:50 PM

Wow! I can't believe how many of you most kind and caring people are responding the way you are. It is over whelming to read how much you all care about me and know very little of the kind of person I am. There are no words that can describe my gratitude and how my heart feels from reading each and every post on this. All I can say is God Bless each and Every one of you.
This morning I went to my appointment with my oncologist to get the results of my labs to see if the immunotherapy is working to bring my B cell counts up. It is working and after a long talk with him (leaving other patients waiting fto get in) he explained in short detail about chemo brain, but also gave me a DVD to watch and a booklet to read all about chemo brain. I haven't watched or read yet.
What I am doing for now is continuing with the immunotherapy through my Hickman(I'm a pro now with doing the injections that I was terrified of not being able to doLOL) Once my B count is high enough to do my final marrow donation and also some more apheareses, I will finalize the donation end of all of this. I'm more than half way through, so even if I were to decide against the massive chemo, the transplant and the long isolation time, my mrrow and cells will be available for someone else that may need this rare match. I have been fighting different cancers for almost 12 years now and am pretty darn tired of it all by now. If only I didn't have such a long waiting period in the hospital, even before this chemo brain stuff came up, maybe I would feel differently. I'm just so used to being on the go every morning and then getting on the computer in the afternoons. Missing my family will be so darn hard as it has been with other hospital stays, but just not as long.
In reality, I feel that maybe after the holidays are over, most likely, knowing me, I will GO FOR IT, as I have always been a go for it kind of person.
A lot of what I have been feeling is probably because I am very worn out lately. I am putting together a Christmas for my family that they will never forget, as I'm "nesting" that this may be my last Christmas. I have been doing so much shopping, wrapping, organizing and everything else
Anyway, I wanted to let everyone here know where things stand right now.
This is one of those long posts that I never read! LOL
God Bless and I love you all for caring enough.

Pepperdoc  (Level: 152.5 - Posts: 4285)
Tue, 15th Dec '09 8:06 PM

Caramel1  (Level: 135.0 - Posts: 21585)
Tue, 15th Dec '09 8:24 PM

Talk here at any time for as long as you feel like it. I am very glad to hear you are talking to your docs. You are in my thoughts and in my heart-Linda

Menopausin  (Level: 35.5 - Posts: 112)
Tue, 15th Dec '09 9:13 PM

"In reality, I feel that maybe after the holidays are over, most likely, knowing me, I will GO FOR IT, as I have always been a go for it kind of person."

Keep that thought, my friend, and remember there are SO many of us here for you anytime!

1mks  (Level: 219.4 - Posts: 5925)
Tue, 15th Dec '09 9:39 PM

I am heartened by your news. Hang in there. You have the entire Sploofus Island pulling for you.

Mplaw51  (Level: 184.4 - Posts: 1581)
Wed, 16th Dec '09 6:14 AM

You're the kind of woman we like to have around! It's so inspiring to read your posts. A good attitude is everything and you sure do possess one. What an awesome lady you are. Have a wonderful Christmas!

Bobolicios  (Level: 119.6 - Posts: 1745)
Wed, 16th Dec '09 11:06 AM

You are an inspiration don't give up the good fight!

Alvandy  (Level: 240.1 - Posts: 7692)
Wed, 16th Dec '09 4:12 PM

I don't have any platitudes to share that will be meaningful ,but just keep your faith and inner strength in the forefront of your decisions regarding your treatment options.
You can post here all you want! It's not long enough.

Wordster  (Level: 166.7 - Posts: 936)
Wed, 16th Dec '09 5:26 PM

All the best to you. Here's hoping you start turning the corner soon.

Dizzy  (Level: 180.7 - Posts: 296)
Wed, 16th Dec '09 5:45 PM

Bless you and thinking of you, keep strong

F5laur  (Level: 31.1 - Posts: 823)
Thu, 17th Dec '09 7:07 PM

Awwwwwwwwwwww I am speechless! I can't believe how many of you care about my health and also make me feel so warm all over. Many of you don't even know me, but yet each and every one of you have showed me so much love and caring. There are feelings I have in my heart that words can never describe. All I can say though is that by reading your posts, I find much comfort in knowing that each one of you are here for me.
I have watched the DVD and read the booklet that my oncologist gave to me about Chemo Brain. There are quite a few symtoms and treatments that are pretty scarey for me right now, but I do plan on having one of my family "pow wows" (LOL) in discussing what I will say "What if". An example is, "What if I can't remember your names at times?", ect.
On Monday when I go to my oncologist for this weeks results of the immunotherapy, I will also find out the exact drug that will be used for my chemotherapy.
If it is one of the drugs listed to be under study of the effects on the brain function, I will bring up my concerns then about using a different drug and then go from there.
I am taking "baby steps" toward deciding about having the chemo and transplant. The Immunotherapy is giving me the time to take such steps and learning everything I can.
God Bless each and every one of you.

Menopausin  (Level: 35.5 - Posts: 112)
Thu, 17th Dec '09 7:25 PM

I don't care if you don't remember my name!!! LOL!! Call me anything you want to, just call me!!!!
Luv ya!

Bobolicios  (Level: 119.6 - Posts: 1745)
Thu, 17th Dec '09 8:05 PM

I was with you at HELLO! Love that name! Any time any place just call! 704 907 4012 .

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