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goddess28
Goddess28  (Level: 92.6 - Posts: 5236)
Tue, 19th Jan '10 11:34 AM

ETIQUETTE HELP!

My boss's father died, I did not know the father but I like my boss. Do I go to to the service? I don't want to seem uncaring, but don't want to insert myself where I don't belong during a sensitive time. Help.

maurlin
Maurlin  (Level: 213.5 - Posts: 2671)
Tue, 19th Jan '10 11:39 AM

Do you have to take time off from work to go? I personally think it would be a nice gesture, as long as your boss doesn't think your presence is to get out of work.

felix
Felix  (Level: 109.3 - Posts: 2500)
Tue, 19th Jan '10 11:59 AM

In a case such as this I usually only go to the funeral home if the family is receiving visitors.

smoke
Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12009)
Tue, 19th Jan '10 12:06 PM

How close are you to your boss? Funerals are for the living.

goddess28
Goddess28  (Level: 92.6 - Posts: 5236)
Tue, 19th Jan '10 12:13 PM

We aren't that close, but close enough. We work together everyday and enjoy each others sense of humor.

smoke
Smoke  (Level: 96.7 - Posts: 12009)
Tue, 19th Jan '10 12:14 PM

I didn't say that very well. The father isn't going to be offended either way. If you think your boss will be comforted and glad to see you, and you want to put in an appearance to let him know you're there to offer support, then by all means go. If there's the slightest possibility that the boss will wonder what you're doing there, send a card.

My personal stance on viewings is, if I never clapped eyes on them in life, I shouldn't be looking at them when they're gone. To me it feels more natural and less intrusive to go to the graveside and stop back at the house after, if that's an option. But that's just me.

1mks
1mks  (Level: 211.2 - Posts: 5887)
Tue, 19th Jan '10 12:15 PM

I personally think that it is regarded as a sign of respect. Going to the funeral home also works. Go with what you feel in your heart......you can never go wrong that way.

salzypat
Salzypat  (Level: 156.5 - Posts: 5316)
Tue, 19th Jan '10 12:18 PM


It's hard to say, because of differences in practices in communities. In our area, the company would close down for an hour before and after the service. I don't know where you work whether it's a small office or a large factory and how disruptive your absence would be to the work flow.

If there are others on the same level as you in the company and you are the only one who goes to the funeral, that might look like skipping work (although I've never found funerals to be that much fun).

I think you might listen to your own instincts. I suspect he and his family would see it as a gesture of respect.



goddess28
Goddess28  (Level: 92.6 - Posts: 5236)
Tue, 19th Jan '10 12:22 PM

It's just a small office, and the family is UBER-Italian (not that that's a bad thing).

asor
Asor  (Level: 156.0 - Posts: 589)
Tue, 19th Jan '10 2:07 PM

For me, it would depend how big the funeral is likely to be. If you get the sense it will be a crowd, then it would be a nice gesture to attend. If it's going to be more intimate than that, I'd stick with a card. The funeral director might have a rough idea of how many people are expected.

mplaw51
Mplaw51  (Level: 179.8 - Posts: 1582)
Tue, 19th Jan '10 5:13 PM

I'm with 1mks, it's a sign of respect to the individual and will be remembered. Not being there may not be of any concern one way or another, but being there is both remembered and appreciated.

mickeym
Mickeym  (Level: 88.2 - Posts: 1803)
Tue, 19th Jan '10 7:31 PM

I worked in a medium small group, and we all went to both the viewing and the funerals of close relatives of coworkers, usually as a group right from work. Knowing the deceased isn't necessary, only knowing the bereaved. I sometimes go only to the viewing due to commitments, but if it were my boss or people that worked closely with me, I'd go to both.
Very often there is a religious ceremony (mass perhaps) followed by the burial itself, and then going on to the cemetary is always optional. Usually only close family and friends go on from there to a family home gathering.
This is not so much etiquette as trying to support people close to you during a difficult time.


calamari
Calamari  (Level: 12.4 - Posts: 249)
Tue, 19th Jan '10 9:12 PM

So what your heart says. You can't go wrong.

jank0614
Jank0614  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 4597)
Tue, 19th Jan '10 9:30 PM

Around our area, the company would actually ask people if they want to go, and shut down your area for a couple of hours so anyone who wants to go can. We would all sit together in support for the boss.


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