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M48ortal  (Level: 261.7 - Posts: 3826)
Thu, 11th Feb '10 7:00 PM


I was cleaning my den and found this list. Not sure who wrote this, but the truth of many of them is obvious.
1. There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 4-year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan blade the motor is not strong enough to swing a 42-pound boy wearing pound-puppy underwear and a Superman cape.
5. It is, however, strong enough to throw paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
6. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
7. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
8. Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
9. The glass in windows (even double pane) will not stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
10. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you may have to throw the baseball up several times.
11. When you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes, it does not leak – it explodes.
12. A King-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
13. When you hear the toilet flush, and the words “Uh-oh,” it’s already too late.
14. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke. Lots of smoke.
15. A 6-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even when a 36-yr-old man says it only happens in the movies.
16. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
17. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.
18. Duplos will not.
19. Play-Dough and microwave oven should never be used in the same sentence.
20. Super-glue is forever. Unless you need it to be.
21. MacGyver can teach us many things we don’t need to know.
22. Ditto Tarzan.
23. No matter how much Jell-o you put in a swimming pool, you still can’t walk on the water.
24. Pool filters do not like Jell-o.
25. VCRs and CD drives do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials say they do.
26. Garbage bags (and umbrellas) do not make good parachutes.
27. Marbles in gas tanks make a lot of noise when the car is driven.
28. You probably don’t want to know what any strange odor is.
29. Always look into the oven before turning it on.
30. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
31. The spin cycle on a washing machine will not make earthworms dizzy.
32. It does, however, make cats dizzy.
33. Cats can throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
34. Quiet does not necessarily mean everything is OK.
35. A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life, although we usually recognize this in retrospect.

Calamari  (Level: 12.4 - Posts: 249)
Thu, 11th Feb '10 7:07 PM

I've seen this before, but it's still funny the second time around.

I am not plotting to spray hair spray on my dust bunnies even as I type this!

Ladyvol  (Level: 212.1 - Posts: 5647)
Thu, 11th Feb '10 7:54 PM

I have a copy of this also and let me tell you that numbers 3 and number 15 are both correct...I have two boys and yes, these actually happened to me! Ah the memories...LOL

Pennwoman  (Level: 161.8 - Posts: 2476)
Thu, 11th Feb '10 9:30 PM

And how many of you are trying #14?

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