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irishpainter
Irishpainter  (Level: 156.2 - Posts: 224)
Wed, 24th Feb '10 4:39 PM

FUNNY MONDAY

Two days too late due to unforeseen circumstances


Robert, a middle aged man was so delighted at finding a pair of authentic cowboy boots. So proud of his purchase he wore them and asked his wife Mary, "Darling do you notice anything different about me?". After giving him a once-over she curtly responded "No". Enraged he stormed off into the side room and took off all his clothes and came back in wearing nothing but the boots.
"What about now?" he thundered.
"Robert," replied Mary, "There's nothing different here, it was hanging down yesterday, it's hanging down today and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow"
"And do you know why it's hanging down?" he enquired, "It's because it's looking at my new boots!"
Without looking up from her work, changing her expression or tone of voice Mary replied...
"Should've bought a hat Robert, Should've bought a hat!"


*********************************************************************************************************************

Two Dubs "businessmen" were sitting down
for a break in their soon-to-be new store.
As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some thick
country boy is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a
curious Corkman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a broad Cork accent asked "What are ye sellin'here boys?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling @rse-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the Corkman said,

"Jays ye're doin well ... Only two left!"

********************************************************************************************************************


A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls.
They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said:

'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'

The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, 'He mated 50 times last year.'
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said:

''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'

The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, 'That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him.'
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, '

THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'

The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs,said,'
That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one

The husband looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow.'

The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and he should eventually make a full recovery.



maurlin
Maurlin  (Level: 213.3 - Posts: 2671)
Wed, 24th Feb '10 7:44 PM

Better late than never. I love these, especially the last one.

lowiq
Lowiq  (Level: 204.7 - Posts: 1943)
Wed, 24th Feb '10 9:48 PM

Clem, you're too much. BTW, I just went out and bought a new hat!


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