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Ladyvol  (Level: 213.0 - Posts: 5681)
Sun, 11th Apr '10 8:11 AM


I was going through my email and I found a couple from my son Tim's advisor at school. It seems that his Biology teacher thinks he is stupid and lazy. She sent these messages to his advisor and not to me. I have a meeting with them on Tuesday about his grades and his credits for graduation. (he only needs four to graduate!). his grades are mostly b's and c's right now. If you all don't hear from me on Wednesday I will be in jail for assault! Hope one of you here will post my bail for me! LOL...why do they let people like this teach? Thanks for letting me vent guys...His advisor by the way told me that she wanted him put back on medication (Tim is ADD) so she could get through her day! Needless to say I told her to go to Hell....but I did it very nicely!

1mks  (Level: 221.2 - Posts: 5932)
Sun, 11th Apr '10 8:39 AM

Well, I can certainly see why. Aren't people amazing? I'm not sure why the teacher did not contact you to begin with. My only advice is to stay calm during the meeting and don't say anything that you might regret later. After all, you don't want to be the topic of discussion in the teacher's lounge. Everything will work out fine. I think mothers go into "attack" mode when their children are under fire and that is reasonable. Do listen to both sides. AND I will certainly contribute to any bail money that you might need. Hang in there.

Scrabq  (Level: 76.7 - Posts: 167)
Sun, 11th Apr '10 8:40 AM

If Tim has ADD and is getting Bs and Cs, then congratulations! And if he is doing that well without medication at the moment, then that is a triumph. Fight against the medication as long as you can and let Tim know that we are all proud of him. I am sending you good vibes for your meeting on Wednesday. Nil carborundum! Don't let the bastards grind you down!

Mitchy  (Level: 136.0 - Posts: 964)
Sun, 11th Apr '10 9:07 AM

What a dirty B**CH. I can see why you are mad as hell. I would report him/her to the school Administrator. I know it's hard but be nice cause you don't want him/her to take it out on your son by giving him a hard time. Im sorry that that you are upset right now, but try not to let that ruin your day ok sweetie! I'm here for you!
Michelle aka Mitchy

Chender  (Level: 205.1 - Posts: 160)
Sun, 11th Apr '10 9:26 AM

So often it's a case of what is the teacher of that subject doing to capture his interest. ADD or not, we've all had teachers who've bored the pants off us!

I wasn't sure whether it was the teacher or the advisor who wanted him back on medication so they could have a quiet life.

I'm glad you're not just going to sit back and blindly accept the accusations, but hope you manage to keep your anger under control during the meeting. Good luck.

Jerrys  (Level: 200.2 - Posts: 334)
Sun, 11th Apr '10 9:53 AM

At one time I dated a lady with an ADD student in her class, and I have a different view on this.

First of all, often times coworkers talk to each other using words they would not use with others. If this was meant as a message from the teacher to the adviser, then I think the message itself was appropriate, if not the wording. The adviser needs to know about such things - it's his/her job to help the student and parents in non-class subject related problems.

Additionally, when an ADD student is off medication, he/she is more often than not quite disruptive to the class and teacher. It sounds like this is the case here; the teacher is trying to teach the rest of the class, but is having problems due to the one student. And the fact he's getting b's and c's is no indication of his abilities; if he were on his medication, he might be getting a's and b's.

Does your doctor know you've taken him off the medication? What does the doctor think about it? Does he know of the problems in school?

My concern is that taking your son off the medication may be doing him more harm than good in learning, as well as disrupting the class.

Amyt  (Level: 143.1 - Posts: 240)
Sun, 11th Apr '10 10:11 AM

This was handled poorly. The teacher should have contacted you with concerns, perhaps suggesting a meeting with you and his other teachers. An advisor is no replacement for a parent.
If his grades are good and you haven't been apprised of this situation until now, you have every right to question the teacher's professionalism.
P.S. I am a teacher

F5laur  (Level: 31.1 - Posts: 823)
Sun, 11th Apr '10 10:32 AM

I agree with Jerrys about the medication, the possible disruption of the class, and the grades. My youngest son has ADD and has been on his medications for quite some time. Grades of B's and C's were never part of my sons grades. He was a straight A student in both high school and college, and is now extremely successful. He also gave me 2 wonderful grand children.
However, I would be just as mad in the way that things were handled by the school staff. The Biology teacher could have let the the advisor know much sooner and also in a more professional way. Name calling certainly does not help Tim or anyone else out.

As hard as it may be, try to be calm and professional in the meeting.
Just in case, I'll pitch in some bail money!

Osuzannacollage  (Level: 132.1 - Posts: 1299)
Sun, 11th Apr '10 11:02 AM

So sorry to hear that you're upset, Vickie, and totally understand why you are! You're such a caring person, and so many of us care about you.

When you go to your meeting with them, please take someone else with you -- preferably your husband, if possible. Examine what your aims are beforehand, and help each other to stay on track. It will be much less intimidating for you if you have a "partner" to help you, and there is something to be said for making the sides a bit more even number-wise.

Even though it's tempting to do otherwise, please keep in mind exactly what you hope to accomplish at the meeting and leave your emotions outside. It may help to write your goals and questions down on an index card, and to keep it with you for steady reference. We all want the results to be the best possible for all of you -- especially for Tim!

Prayers and positive thoughts heading your way. Please keep us posted! We're in your corner...

Calamari  (Level: 12.4 - Posts: 249)
Sun, 11th Apr '10 1:54 PM

What Osuz said ... do take someone with you who will be able to say what you want to say calmly when you feel like yelling.

As a person who suffers from ADD myself, I have to say that I *know* that I can be disruptive in meetings and especially when I get bored. It is *very* hard to sit on my hands and keep my mouth shut when what I really want to do is make things a little more interesting. I do not take medications either because I find that the meds are worse than the actual condition. People around me may feel differently about me on meds, but at least they don't feel like their head is buzzing and their hair is standing up on end. So, I do understand where you are coming from regarding the medications. Having said that, I really did get more done when I was taking meds.

I agree that you are a very caring person and your son deserves to be treated in a professional manner. Go to the meeting with a partner in crime. You can always play "Good Cop/Bad Cop". Keep your cool. Getting mad in the Advisor's office will not help your case.

Sorry about the mixed metaphors.

Collioure  (Level: 115.4 - Posts: 9952)
Sun, 11th Apr '10 1:57 PM

Go get em, Vickie, and whatever you do, don't chill out.

The gall !!!!!

F5laur  (Level: 31.1 - Posts: 823)
Sun, 11th Apr '10 3:41 PM

How do you tell someone to go to hell very nicely?
Please share your secret! LOL

Ladyvol  (Level: 213.0 - Posts: 5681)
Sun, 11th Apr '10 3:54 PM

Thank you all...

Smokydevil  (Level: 163.0 - Posts: 5381)
Sun, 11th Apr '10 4:09 PM

I too would take this up the chain of command........on an unrelated note, congrats on hitting level one hundred Vickie!!!!

Mplaw51  (Level: 185.5 - Posts: 1580)
Mon, 12th Apr '10 6:34 AM

The job of the school and all of its teachers is to give your son and a thorough and efficient education. Not allowing you to know that there was any cause for concern was disrespectful to you as a parent and to your son as a learner. Is he aware of any problems? Make sure you have a conversation with him and ask if he's been spoken to publicly or privately by this teacher. I hope he hasn't been humiliated in front of the class, that would not be a productive thing to do. Make sure you know this so you can request this no longer occur. Agree that if he's been disruptive it isn't conducive to others but tell them that handling it respectfully is the way to go. Probe into this problem with all of the parties (your son, the teachers, the advisor). Speak about comunication and respect. Be understanding and expect their understanding. Say so. My two cents...

Collioure  (Level: 115.4 - Posts: 9952)
Mon, 12th Apr '10 7:41 AM

Educate, not medicate!

Jeannette  (Level: 115.1 - Posts: 1734)
Mon, 12th Apr '10 2:22 PM

hugs Vickie and as hard as it may be hold your temper ask the teacher to explain why they worded the message that way
and if your not happy with the answers do take it further xxxxx

Smaug  (Level: 145.4 - Posts: 2763)
Mon, 12th Apr '10 2:43 PM

I was going through my email and I found a couple from my son Tim's advisor at school. It seems that his Biology teacher thinks he is stupid and lazy. She sent these messages to his advisor and not to me.

Since this is all about communication, I'm confused by the above intro. What emails were sent where?

And "lazy and "stupid" were the exact terms? Really?

Calamari  (Level: 12.4 - Posts: 249)
Mon, 12th Apr '10 7:56 PM

Inquiring minds are still waiting to hear how you tell someone to "Go to Hell" nicely. We're gonna copy and paste.

Ladyvol  (Level: 213.0 - Posts: 5681)
Mon, 12th Apr '10 8:32 PM

This is for all of you inquiring tell someone nicely to go to hell you just say..."Go to Hades"...

Collioure  (Level: 115.4 - Posts: 9952)
Tue, 13th Apr '10 4:37 AM

I would think that our friends in the UK could offer several methods of communicating such very politely. They have a way with the language that we Americans do not.

Calamari  (Level: 12.4 - Posts: 249)
Wed, 14th Apr '10 10:30 AM

I believe that Abraham Lincoln was very talented in this area. As was Mark Twain.

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