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Ducttape  (Level: 199.3 - Posts: 159)
Thu, 1st Mar '07 2:16 AM


i put my convenience store coffee on top of my car and drove off with it still up there.
it being a beautiful morning i had the car windows rolled down,
a unique way to burn myself with hot coffee.
i have pictures of me with first degree burns on my left ear and shoulder.

i have lawsuits planned against the convenience store for making the coffee too hot,
the styrofoam cup manufacturer for making a defective lid,
and the carmaker for making the top of the car uneven. my lawyer is thinking 125 million for punitive damages,
medical costs, and mental anguish suffered by caffeine withdrawal.

Tuzilla  (Level: 144.8 - Posts: 3839)
Thu, 1st Mar '07 6:31 AM

You forgot the cup maker for making the bottom flat so you could sit it there.

Soldotna  (Level: 27.7 - Posts: 145)
Thu, 1st Mar '07 7:18 AM

I'd sue Mother Nature for making the morning nice enough to roll the window down.

Kaufman  (Level: 267.9 - Posts: 3941)
Thu, 1st Mar '07 9:19 AM

Don't forget the coffee industry for making you a caffeine junkie.

Garrybl  (Level: 291.8 - Posts: 6772)
Thu, 1st Mar '07 11:10 AM

the embarassing thing about suing anyone for this is that you get to tell the world how 'bright' you are.
Good news; you might get on John Stewart...bad news; you might get on john Stewart.


Tuzilla  (Level: 144.8 - Posts: 3839)
Thu, 1st Mar '07 11:50 AM

Very true.

I say Juan Valdez has got to be taken down.

Missashlee  (Level: 125.6 - Posts: 543)
Thu, 1st Mar '07 9:02 PM

Not funny to be burned ... but Ducttape, at first I thought you were referring to the latest Google ad that shows up on almost every quiz category (contextural? meaning we are all ...):

Are You Stupid?
Prove It. Take the Quiz!

Ads by Google

Ducttape  (Level: 199.3 - Posts: 159)
Thu, 1st Mar '07 9:29 PM

remember the spam from my forum 'who's your soulmate'?
that spam (my soulmate, per phitzy1) started getting moldy so i was going to throw it out.
turns out, in that mold was a penicillin that healed up my burns from the hot coffee.
since my burns were healed, my attornies from Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe said those lawsuits were unwinnable.

however, they
said the video footage of me rubbing a moldy hunk of spam
on the side of my head and shoulder is worth a 150 million dollar lawsuit
against the coffee industry for turning me into a crazed caffeine junkie

thank you, soulmate, for helping making my dreams come true.
also, thank you phitzy1, for showing me that soulmates can be found in the strangest places.

Phitzy1  (Level: 66.4 - Posts: 873)
Wed, 7th Mar '07 8:03 AM

No Prob, glad to help

BTW, that video of you rubbing yourself down with the moldy spam could make you a fortune on a site of a different type if ya know what I mean...

Ducttape  (Level: 199.3 - Posts: 159)
Fri, 9th Mar '07 8:10 PM

look for my web-cam in the 'are you romantic?' link

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