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Missashlee  (Level: 125.6 - Posts: 543)
Thu, 22nd Mar '07 8:50 PM


I know it is NOT American football season, but it is always refreshing to put a functional twist on any sport:

Football FINALLY makes sense.......

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!"

Smoke20  (Level: 62.6 - Posts: 2815)
Thu, 22nd Mar '07 9:56 PM


But if you're a blonde, surely you must know that it's only BLEACHED blondes who are dumb!

Dumb enough to put those wicked chemicals that close to their brains, for starters!

Natural blondes, on the other hand, are unanimously brilliant.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Missashlee  (Level: 125.6 - Posts: 543)
Thu, 22nd Mar '07 10:58 PM

LOL! I love it, Donna.

Hmm ... after due consideration, I believe you have something here ...

Marynuala  (Level: 140.2 - Posts: 996)
Sun, 8th Apr '07 2:21 PM

But maybe it's true - blondes have more fun! (Being an envious redhead lol).

Oldcougar  (Level: 228.1 - Posts: 1935)
Thu, 12th Apr '07 9:37 AM

I've always maintained it was those bleached brunettes giving us a bad name, right on Smoke!!!

Oldcougar  (Level: 228.1 - Posts: 1935)
Thu, 12th Apr '07 9:45 AM

I'd love to see just how many blondes there really are!!! Back in high school, when only really bad girls bleached, they were few & far between. My 2 sisters & I were known far & wide & I think it was our golden tresses that stuck in the guy's minds.

Rowlanda  (Level: 70.0 - Posts: 2853)
Fri, 13th Apr '07 6:17 PM

Hey Old Cougar,
Long live sex, drugs and Rock n' Roll....
from another Canadian

Postrophe  (Level: 147.1 - Posts: 16)
Mon, 30th Apr '07 9:21 PM

While we do have blondes (dumb & otherwise)here in UK, it's ESSEX GIRLS that really take the biscuit. They are REALLY thick!

Texlewee  (Level: 34.1 - Posts: 601)
Tue, 1st May '07 1:43 AM

You guys are blond?? It's ok... I'll type slow....

Ducttape  (Level: 199.3 - Posts: 159)
Tue, 1st May '07 1:58 AM

---why can't you tell a blonde a knock-knock joke?

---she keeps getting up to answer the door

Oldcougar  (Level: 228.1 - Posts: 1935)
Tue, 1st May '07 9:50 AM

What do you call a blonde in a black leather jacket?
Rebel without a clue

Nickdanger  (Level: 162.5 - Posts: 62)
Tue, 1st May '07 11:14 AM

Tex and DuctTape! Pull over. A quick inspection has failed to verify your blondeness. Only certified (certifiable?) blondes are permitted to post blonde jokes.

Cjar855  (Level: 134.2 - Posts: 838)
Tue, 1st May '07 1:46 PM

Ok here goes. Born Blonde and still Blonde.

Did you hear about the Blonde On her way home from a long trip, a blonde drove past a sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES".

By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Tue, 1st May '07 5:03 PM

How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday?

~~~Tell her a joke on Friday!


Mltlc47  (Level: 197.0 - Posts: 3)
Wed, 2nd May '07 11:25 PM

this blonde was sitting at her table,looking really frustrated when her husband came in.He asked what was wrong,and she said,"No matter how hard I try,I can't make the puzzle pieces fit...He looked at the box to see what it looked like,and saw Tony Tiger on it;

Texlewee  (Level: 34.1 - Posts: 601)
Thu, 3rd May '07 12:25 AM

What has brown hair and lays bleeding in the gutter?

A brunette who told one too many Blond Jokes...

Tuzilla  (Level: 144.6 - Posts: 3839)
Thu, 3rd May '07 9:02 AM

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

Oldcougar  (Level: 228.1 - Posts: 1935)
Tue, 15th May '07 6:51 AM

I thought I'd tell you all just how blonde I am. When I first signed onto Sploofus it was for TQTD & I read some of the information but didn't pay much attention. I thought I'd try a quiz & managed to get into a really difficult one & bombed. Tried the WR & WM & as luck would have it, got those bizarre questions, we all know & love. Oh course I bombed those too, & thought this site must be for mensa members. Went back to doing TQTD only for many months. Eventually I thought I'd give WR's another go, first one went well, so I tried again, up pops a yellow screen, well I was flabbergasted & thought I was betting 100,000 points. So this brainiac exited the screen without answering a single question. Now that's a real dumb blonde.

Kaelin  (Level: 49.2 - Posts: 1685)
Tue, 15th May '07 8:24 AM

Contributed by my 12 year old son:
There are 3 girls stranded on a desert island, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.

On the island, there is no food but there is an island exactly a mile across from them that has a bunch of food.

The redhead says "We need to swim to that island".
The redhead goes first, gets half-way there and drowns.

The brunette goes next, gets half-way there and drowns.

So the blonde headed for the island, was half-way there, gets tired and swims back.

Contributed by my 15 year old daughter:
There is a blonde, brunette and a redhead stuck on an island.

One day they find a bottle that has a genie.

They each get one wish.

The brunette wishes to go home.
The redhead wishes to go home.
The blonde is missing her friends and wishes they were there with her.

Kaelin  (Level: 49.2 - Posts: 1685)
Tue, 15th May '07 8:30 AM

A man walks into a bar one evening and sees a table full of blondes, laughing, partying and celebrating with bottles of champagne.

They are obivously happy with something and are having a most wonderful time.

One blonde comes up to the bar and orders another bottle of champagne.

He decides to ask what the party is all about.

The blonde replies "We have a club where we try difficult things. Our last project was a puzzle that we all worked on together. The box said 3-5 years and we were able to put it together in only a year!"

Crazy4games  (Level: 124.7 - Posts: 1019)
Tue, 15th May '07 9:31 AM

True story.

Several years ago, while living in a very small town, I dropped into our local convenience store to pick up a couple of things.
While chatting with the clerk, he noticed that I was wearing a tee shirt that was emblazoned with the name of a Carribean resort, and he asked me if I had been there.
"No", I told him, "My girlfriend brought this back for me".
"That's nice" he continued, "How did she find it"?
I, in true blonde form replied "Oh, she's a travel agent."

Texlewee  (Level: 34.1 - Posts: 601)
Tue, 15th May '07 3:45 PM

Mrs. Texlewee suggested I should share this story.... She's a strawberry blonde....

We were planting out flowerbeds, and my wife went to the local nursery to get the needed flowers etc.

When she came back, my folks had dropped by to say hello, and visit for a spell.... Mrs. Texlewee pulls up and my father says, "Hey There!! What have you been doing today?"

She said, "Out getting Chlamydias"........

I leaned over and whispered.....
That's Caladiums, Dear..... Caladiums....

Queentxf  (Level: 90.6 - Posts: 55)
Wed, 16th May '07 3:55 PM

This is another true story from a former co-worker...

She called her boyfriend's house. When his mom answered, Blondie asked if John was home.

Mom said, "John Junior or John Senior?"

Blondie's response, "No, John sophomore..."

Smoke20  (Level: 62.6 - Posts: 2815)
Wed, 23rd May '07 8:49 AM

A blonde traffic cop stops a blonde driver for speeding. "May I see your licence?"
The blonde driver rummages in her handbag. "I can't find it. What's it looks like?"
"It's square and it's got your picture on it."
The blonde finds her mirror and peers at it. "Ah, here it is." She gives it to the cop.
She looks into it and says "I didn't realize you were on the force, honey! You can go. Have a nice day."

Cjar855  (Level: 134.2 - Posts: 838)
Sat, 2nd Jun '07 12:53 AM

Yet Another Blonde Joke:

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat
down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a story of
a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde
looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Bob says, "You
know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Bob placed a $20 bill on
the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on
the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building,
falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob saying,
"Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM
news and so I knew he would jump." The blonde replied, "I did too; but
I didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money......

1mks  (Level: 219.5 - Posts: 5925)
Thu, 7th Jun '07 4:05 PM

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup.

So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motorhome!

I've won a motorhome!"

The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free Lunch.?"

But the blonde keeps on screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"

Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken.
You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome because we didn't have that as a prize.

The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motorhome!"

And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads...


"W I N A B A G E L"

Postrophe  (Level: 147.1 - Posts: 16)
Fri, 8th Jun '07 5:35 AM

Q: Why did the blonde have TGIF on her shoes?

A: Toes go in first.

Mistyblueeyes  (Level: 66.8 - Posts: 5)
Tue, 19th Jun '07 3:50 PM

I'm a brunette and i like totally dont get the tony tiger puzzle joke.

Aslan  (Level: 27.6 - Posts: 356)
Tue, 19th Jun '07 6:52 PM

"this blonde was sitting at her table,looking really frustrated when her husband came in.He asked what was wrong,and she said,"No matter how hard I try,I can't make the puzzle pieces fit...He looked at the box to see what it looked like,and saw Tony Tiger on it; "

Well... it was a box of Frosted Flakes with Tony the Tiger on the front and the blonde thought it was a jigsaw puzzle and was trying to put the flakes together to make a picture.

It looses something in the explanation.

Mistyblueeyes  (Level: 66.8 - Posts: 5)
Wed, 20th Jun '07 5:45 AM

Thank you for the explanation, but another member messaged me the meaning, So I went to the store and bought some frosted flakes and within 18 minutes, there was Tony the Tiger on my table. I told you I'm a brunette.............(-

Cjar855  (Level: 134.2 - Posts: 838)
Fri, 29th Jun '07 9:40 AM

Another Blond Joke-

A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day, so she
eases it
over onto the shoulder of the road.

She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk, takes out two
cardboard men, unfolds them and stands

them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic.

The life like cardboard men are in trench coats, exposing their nude
bodies to approaching drivers...

Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't
very long before a police car arrives.

The officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled
vehicle yelling, "What is Going on here?"

"My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly.

"Well, what are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the
asks the officer....

"Helllllooooo, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.

Barnierubble  (Level: 93.9 - Posts: 637)
Sun, 9th Sep '07 5:20 PM

A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He sits at the bar and orders a beer. After he has the beer, he says "anyone want to hear a funny blonde joke." The girl next to him says " I see you are blind Sir, so I think I should tell you that the bartender is a 6 ft blonde with a baseball bat, I am a 6ft 2 in Judo blackbelt, the girl the other side is another blonde who likes Karate, and standing behind you are the thompson twins, boyh 6 ft blonde wrestlers. Now, do you still want to tell your Blonde Joke"?
To which the blind man replied " Well no, not if I will have to explain it five times"

Barnierubble  (Level: 93.9 - Posts: 637)
Mon, 10th Sep '07 8:53 AM

A REDHEAD goes to the doctor. Doctor, she says, I hurt all over my body. If I stick my finger againcst my left leg, I get this sharp pain. Its exactly the same if I put my finger onto my right leg, or my arm. I cant push my finger into anywhere on my body without getting terrible pain. Let me see says the doctor. You haven't always been a redhead have you. No, says the redhead, I was a natural blonde once, but how did you know. Doc. says "It was the broken finger gave me a clue."

Chyenn  (Level: 209.4 - Posts: 1332)
Mon, 10th Sep '07 2:43 PM

can you stand another blonde joke???

A Blonde strikes again...

During lunch a blonde relates this to her shopping buddy......

"Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the Contractor who installed them.

He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo, just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.

So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

Helllooooo? .... It's been a year! (I told him.)

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up....

He never called back.

Guess I won that stupid argument.
I bet he felt like an idiot."

73boo  (Level: 12.1 - Posts: 14)
Tue, 11th Sep '07 8:52 PM

Only highlighted sections of my hair are blonde, but I am 100% Canadian so it's ok for me to post this joke. My Dad sent it to me last Easter, which in itself was funny since he's not usually the joke-telling type!

Three Canadian blondes died and found themselves standing before St.Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented.

The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to Hell.

The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to Hell.

The third blonde said she knew what Easter was, and St.Peter said, "So, tell me." She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when He was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested Him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder ... " St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."

Then the blonde continued, "Now, every year they roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey."

Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Wed, 12th Sep '07 2:39 AM

We went to see a movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I
usually do because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was
about to start, a blonde from the center of the row got up and started
working her way out.
"Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse
By the time she got to me, I was trying to look around her and I was a
little impatient, so I said, "Couldn't you have done this a little
"No!" she said in a loud whisper.
"The 'TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE' message just flashed up on the
screen and mine is in the car."

Larefamiliaris  (Level: 135.2 - Posts: 877)
Wed, 12th Sep '07 5:08 AM

LMAO @Bushy!

Suzer22  (Level: 165.6 - Posts: 1982)
Wed, 12th Sep '07 9:42 AM

I'm still cracking up at 6 more weeks of hockey!

Roby19  (Level: 58.9 - Posts: 26)
Wed, 12th Sep '07 9:38 PM

That's a great joke! I have a fantasy football group on Yahoo! Could I post this joke on my group's site?

Suzannec  (Level: 258.7 - Posts: 616)
Wed, 12th Sep '07 11:21 PM

This is a true story. I once worked at a church daycare and we would often take the kids down to the Fellowship hall to run around and play. Every once in a while we would not be able to use the hall because of a blood drive, rummage sale, ladies meeting or a funeral luncheon. The pastor of the church would give us a monthly schedule of dates that we could not use the hall because of the above mentioned. However one of the blond teachers stopped him as he was walking out of the room and said "There's something missing on this list. You forgot to list the funeral luncheons." The pastor then had to explain to her that the people haven't died yet!

Cjar855  (Level: 134.2 - Posts: 838)
Thu, 1st Nov '07 3:19 PM

Just a few more Blonde Jokes!

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????"

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond.
" They're watch dogs!"

Papajensai  (Level: 201.6 - Posts: 1024)
Thu, 1st Nov '07 8:19 PM


the age old question...

do girls with blonde hair

really have more fun?

or is it that they just

get dirty quicker?

Smoke20  (Level: 62.6 - Posts: 2815)
Tue, 18th Dec '07 2:44 PM


Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

Lisap369  (Level: 61.1 - Posts: 992)
Wed, 19th Dec '07 12:04 AM

In a local bar there was a magic mirror. If you told a lie it would strike you down.

One day a brunette walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it struck her down.

The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it struck her down.

Then the next day a blonde walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it struck her down.

How 'bout another?....

A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.

The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."

The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.

She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."


ok... and a coupla Q&A for the road... (he he lol)


Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but never see them.

Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.

Papajensai  (Level: 201.6 - Posts: 1024)
Wed, 19th Dec '07 3:54 PM

Did you hear what happened to the blonde who mixed up her vaseline with her window putty?

Didja huh didja didja?

It was awful.....

All her windows fell out!

Oogie54  (Level: 209.3 - Posts: 1120)
Fri, 21st Dec '07 12:51 AM

A man observes two blondes working with shovels at a new homesite. The first blond carefully digs a hole, paces off a certain distance and begins to dig another hole of similar size. A few minutes after the first blond finishes each hole the second one uses her shovel to fill it in. The man walks up to the two and asks them to explain what they are doing. The first says,"My job is to dig the hole, and her job is to fill it in....the other blond who plants the shrubs called in sick today."

Cristinap  (Level: 31.4 - Posts: 133)
Fri, 21st Dec '07 9:40 AM

A blonde went out to her mail box and looked in, closed the door and went back in the house. A few minutes later she went out and looked in the mail box again.
She did this several times and her neighbor that was watching her said: "You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into your mail box."

The blonde answered, "No, I am working on my computer and it keeps telling me that I have mail."

Stone  (Level: 35.0 - Posts: 259)
Sat, 29th Dec '07 11:32 PM

What is "Microsoft Word 1.0 for Blondes?"

Answer: A No. 2 Pencil

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