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bushyfox
Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Fri, 1st Jun '07 4:55 AM

WHILST WE ARE ON THE SUBJECT OF JOKES..........


~Bev
___________________


These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place. Enjoy!

____________ _________ _________ __

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

____________ _________ _________ _______

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

____________ _________ _________ _______

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?

____________ _________ _________ _______

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.

____________ _________ _________ _______

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?

WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan.

____________ _________ _________ _______ _

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________ _________ _________ ______

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Uh....

____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?

WITNESS: Oral.

____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!

____________ _________ _________ _________ _____

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh?

____________ _________ _________ _________ _____

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.

gypsylady
Gypsylady  (Level: 142.7 - Posts: 6057)
Fri, 1st Jun '07 8:45 AM

Bev~

These are great! Thanks for the laughs!

Marilyn...

revdodd
Revdodd  (Level: 68.7 - Posts: 775)
Fri, 1st Jun '07 9:44 AM

Hee-hee! A great way to end the work week! Thanks!

aslan
Aslan  (Level: 27.6 - Posts: 356)
Fri, 1st Jun '07 10:52 AM

Great post, Bev! Would you happen to have the names of all those attorneys? I'd hate to hire one by accident.

zoinkin
Zoinkin  (Level: 38.2 - Posts: 33)
Fri, 1st Jun '07 12:14 PM

Actually, I plead guilty to having said that first one, your honor.

Except in my version it was when I was a teenager trying to open my first bank account. And I swear they asked me when my "birthday" was and not "birth date."

I would like to think my answer would have been different if it had been asked as "date of birth."


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