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larefamiliaris
Larefamiliaris  (Level: 135.2 - Posts: 877)
Fri, 16th Nov '07 10:52 AM

COLLEGE THEME PAPER

THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER:
HE VS. SHE

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well,here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University.

"Today we will experiment with a new form of composition called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:

STORYfirst paragraph by Rebecca)At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favourite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie withwhom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4."Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenceless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course forEarth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President,in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

(Rebecca)This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have camomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of *£"%*&^ TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."

(Rebecca)Idiot.

Gary)Bitch.

(Rebecca)Dirtbag.

Gary)Slut.

(Rebecca)Screw you.

(Gary)Eat dirt.

(Rebecca)Up yours YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

(Gary)Go drink some tea - whore.

(Teacher)I really liked this one.

smokydevil
Smokydevil  (Level: 163.0 - Posts: 5381)
Fri, 16th Nov '07 10:56 AM

That was hilarious!

smoke20
Smoke20  (Level: 62.6 - Posts: 2815)
Fri, 16th Nov '07 11:13 AM

I don't think it's about gender. I think she's a Democrat and he's a Republican.

Funny stuff, Martin - thanks for the laugh!



koota
Koota  (Level: 181.9 - Posts: 2104)
Fri, 16th Nov '07 11:17 AM

This was a great laugh!

I love the idea to have the students pass the story back and forth too!

chyenn
Chyenn  (Level: 203.0 - Posts: 1332)
Fri, 16th Nov '07 12:10 PM

thanks for a good laugh this morning..

i have been involved in writing 'round robin' stories with members of certain yahoogroups in the past .. they were lots of fun. you never knew where the next paragraph would lead. and some folks discovered hidden writing talents.

domester
Domester  (Level: 98.6 - Posts: 59)
Fri, 16th Nov '07 12:15 PM

Hmmmmm. We haven't had one of those "You write the next sentence/paragraph" threads in a long time. Gee. That sounds like fun. (head spins and eyes roll).

Oh wow. A squirrel just fell out of a tree and hit a woman wearing a trench coat and carrying a briefcase.

papajensai
Papajensai  (Level: 193.5 - Posts: 1025)
Fri, 16th Nov '07 12:47 PM

If the person to my immediate right pairs up with the person to his/her immediate right, who do I pair up with?

Sounds like a singles bar.

rowlanda
Rowlanda  (Level: 70.0 - Posts: 2856)
Sat, 17th Nov '07 7:25 AM

So the squirrel fell out of the tree, and hit the woman wearing a trench coat and carrying a briefcase....the woman was so shocked, she dropped the briefcase which
fell open and out popped her lunch bag. The squirrel grabbed the lunch, ran off with it and ate it all up!!!!

pepperdoc
Pepperdoc  (Level: 152.5 - Posts: 4286)
Sat, 17th Nov '07 8:21 AM

Inside the lunch bag was a secret energy bar that turned the squirrel into SuperSquirrel!



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