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chickfbref1
Chickfbref1  (Level: 120.7 - Posts: 2012)
Wed, 19th Dec '07 11:49 PM

NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS - SPLOOFSTYLE

T’was the night before Christmas
And all through Sploofhouse,
Everything was very quiet,
Smaug silent as a mouse

Sploofmembers stockings were hung
On their profiles with care,
In hopes that a golden nugget,
Soon would be there

The members were hopeful,
All snug in their beds,
In hopes that St. Justin
Wasn’t quite dead

And Lodi in her Sploofthong
And I in my cap
Had just hit the kegerator,
Cause the WP was crap

When out on the shout
There arose such a clatter,
I sprang to my keyboard,
To see what was the matter

Away to the WRs,
I flew like a flash,
Got a 12 on the first try,
Kicked Sicko’s ass

The moon on the breast,
Of the latest BBS post,
Gave the luster of superiority
To those who would boast

When, what to my wondering,
Eyes should behold,
But a deleted post,
And editors who scold

With new posts abounding,
So lively and quick,
I knew keeping up,
Would surely make me sick

More rapid than eagles,
Justin’s courses they came,
And he whistled and shouted,
And called them by name:

Now Spoofisionist,
Now Sploofgenie
Now Sploofizz and Sploofernatural
On Sploofasaurus,
On Sploofusker
On Sploofmonkey and Sploofabulous

To the top of the BBS,
To the top of the wall,
Now dash away…dash away,
Dash away all.

So up to the house,
The coursers they flew,
With a sleigh full of Platinum Memberships,
And a lot of BS too.

And then in a twinkling,
I heard on the roof,
Rumors of who are editors
Alas there is no proof

I threw out my money,
And was turning around,
Down the chimney,
Justin came with a bound

He was dressed all in e-mails
From his head to his leg,
He wanted no more drama,
He was willing to beg,

A bundle of Gold memberships,
He had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler,
Just opening his sack (not that one Smaug)

His server- How it twinkled!
His dreams –Came true
His wife is really hot
What else left to do?

His neat little Sploofworld
So tied up like a bow,
By the time he was done,
His hair was white as snow

(geesus this is a LONG POEM)

He had bunch of editors,
And a round little belly,
All the editors were sad,
They wanted SploofKelly

With a wink of his eye,
And a twist of his head,
Soon gave me a WP,
Tried it, wish I were dead

Editors spoke not a word,
But went straight to their work,
Filled all the WP slots,
(PM’d and called me a jerk)

And laying his finger (not that one),
Aside of his nose,
Giving a nod,
Up the Forbes list he rose

He sprang to his server,
To the editors he gave a whistle
And away they all flew,
Out of the shout like a missile

But I heard him exclaim,
As he drove out of sight,
If you’re waiting for 2.0,
Me…you can bite.

(So Lodi bit him)

Merry Christmas…Happy Holidays All!

Me.






pepperdoc
Pepperdoc  (Level: 152.5 - Posts: 4286)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 12:02 AM

Amazing! Loved the bit about SploofKelly.

Glad you revealed what happens behind the scenes with the editors. Somehow I had envisioned them convening at something like King Arthur's round table, pouring over quiz submissions, getting belly laughs out of mistakes, and stamping the "Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval" on quizzes that passed muster.

I can see I was all wrong.

Merry Christmas!

smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 12:12 AM


wow, that was freaking brilliant. Nice job !!!

smokydevil
Smokydevil  (Level: 163.0 - Posts: 5381)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 12:13 AM

That sucked Kelly, please try again.

eesusbejesus
Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 12:20 AM

"And Lodi in her Sploofthong
And I in my cap"


I tried to get her to say "And I in my chaps" but she wouldn't because she said it didn't rhyme with "crap." Whatever.

Nothing puts you more in the holiday spirit than a pair of assless chaps.

That's what I say anyway.

smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 12:58 AM

Here, you inspired me to start omne. We should all try it out (but you win)


Twas the night before Sploofmas, what the heck is that smell?
It smells like Bigfoot had the tacos from hell.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
A hooker's black nylons, now she's alllll bare.

My Sploofbrats were nestled all snug in their beds,
The safety straps from Acme restraining their heads.
Eight shots of whiskey poured into a cup,
I'm staging a showdown so STFU

When outside the trailer a sudeen bright light,
The film crew from "Cops" for the third straight night.
On those damn little legs the hooker tried to flee
No one said being a dwarf was gonna be Easy

chickfbref1
Chickfbref1  (Level: 120.7 - Posts: 2012)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 1:07 AM

He's much more verbose than I am.

Or not.

Me.

eesusbejesus
Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 4:56 AM

DIAF Smaug.

oldcougar
Oldcougar  (Level: 219.7 - Posts: 1935)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 4:59 AM

Very funny, the lot of you

bigbird
Bigbird  (Level: 239.4 - Posts: 3300)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 6:33 AM

SploofKelly, that was terrific!

maurlin
Maurlin  (Level: 213.3 - Posts: 2671)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 8:02 AM

Chick...that was supurb!!!

Here's my try...with apologies to the Powers That Be.

Twas the morning that Justin
Guaranteed 2.0.
All the players were speechless,
Even that Ho.

He advertised widely,
Told everyone "Soon!"
Explained what was coming
And promised the moon.

But then he reread
All the chat from that hack
And said quite distinctly,
I'm not giving you Jack!

kaelin
Kaelin  (Level: 49.2 - Posts: 1685)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 8:03 AM

Very good Chick & Smaug

I'm a strange person - I tend to walk around my life with a soundtrack in my head that starts at the drop of a hat when certain things happen and I have no control of the the selection...

For instance, in reading this post it was "Too much time on my hands"

But STILL very very funny - Chick you should write a book....oh you did!



phitzy1
Phitzy1  (Level: 66.4 - Posts: 873)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 8:19 AM



Oh Crap,

Coffee Through my nose!!!

Sorry, Chickie, but it was Smug's that pushed me over the edge

eileeny
Eileeny  (Level: 67.1 - Posts: 240)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 8:41 AM

You Guys are a hoot , just made my day god bless you chick thanks for the smiles (and Smaug)!

larefamiliaris
Larefamiliaris  (Level: 135.2 - Posts: 877)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 8:47 AM

From last year -

Fri, 15th Dec '06 6:18 AM EST

Twas some time before Christmas in the old Salty Dog,
Sploofusers were festive as a fine Yuletide Log.
Support tickets were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Justin soon would be there.

Sploof spoke not a word but went straight to his work,
And answered them all (even those from jerks).
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, through the ether he rose.

He sprang from his site, to give his team a whistle
(Can I just apologise now for this badly scanning epistle)
For I should like to exclaim, ere you drive off this site,
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT".


kaufman
Kaufman  (Level: 256.8 - Posts: 3936)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 9:03 AM

... And all through the house,
They could hear my screaming,
"I DID TOO PUNCH THAT CIRCLE, DARN THIS MOUSE!"

embee
Embee  (Level: 86.7 - Posts: 362)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 9:53 AM

I can't believe you work in insurance!

nelly
Nelly  (Level: 172.0 - Posts: 1167)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 1:28 PM

Kelly, that was absolutely brilliant. I remember LMAO at your last ones. If you're not earning a fortune somewhere, you should be. Thanks for brightening up my day!
Karen

slicko
Slicko  (Level: 223.9 - Posts: 1609)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 2:20 PM

I take back everything bad I ever said about you - you're a freaking genius - or is that geniass? Anyway thanks for the best laugh I've had in months.

margiematt
Margiematt  (Level: 194.4 - Posts: 388)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 3:30 PM

I think all of you are brilliant! Please keep the laughs coming!
Margie

sploofus
Justin  
Thu, 20th Dec '07 6:10 PM

Remarkable Kelly. Wow!

pocahontas1951
Pocahontas1951  (Level: 55.4 - Posts: 172)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 8:51 PM

SUPER Chick! All that added were great also. You are sooooooooooooooooo funny.

allena
Allena  (Level: 255.4 - Posts: 1390)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 9:06 PM

Wonderful spirit, you are out of sight,
And ... it is a good thing that YOU don't bite.

Rudolph is hankering to get Chick to nuzzle,
Kind of glad Allena missed the puzzle.

texlewee
Texlewee  (Level: 34.1 - Posts: 601)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 9:13 PM

Twas the night before Christmas and on my flat screen,
Were posts from some editors; altogether mean.
Their fingers deleting our posts quite at random,
Some joining up and deleting in tandem...

Complaining of violations of the long TOS,
And claiming the profiles were all quite a mess.
They were certain, it seems, Smaug was up to meanness,
By mentioning words offensive, like "penis".

But then on the Salty Dog arose many clamors,
Claims from Texlewee that editors had faulty manors
Then EEsusBJesus replies with verbosity,
That the editors actions were a definate atrocity.

SO Texlewee, being the instigator he is...
Mentioned a fact one might find in a quiz...
"Iguanas have penises that come in a pair"
"I wonder how they use them when they're working "Down There"?

SO quickly they struck, the editors with vigor,
You'd thought he had shouted "Clarence Thomas is a Republican"!!!
His post soon deleted, to Texlewee's chagrin,
But he had saved copy, so he posted it again...

Deleted once more, a second and third,
And rebuttal posts with "a discouraging word"
But St Justin stepped in and with barely blink,
settled the issue with not more than a wink.

So Texlewee settled down, and stopped typing fire,
And the arguement gave way to a friendly desire.
The Editors got back to the quiz editing job,
And Texlewee played nice, And CchickFBref's a Snob.

smokydevil
Smokydevil  (Level: 163.0 - Posts: 5381)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 9:43 PM

Good one tex, loved your verses, and Allena, didn't you mean to get chick a muzzle?

eesusbejesus
Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 9:47 PM

Allena - she does bite. I know.

(rubs backside)

kaelin
Kaelin  (Level: 49.2 - Posts: 1685)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 10:13 PM

Twas the night before Christmas
exahausted and drained.
For my sanity break
I'll be entertained

By entering Sploofus
not by leaps or by bounds
just hoping to sneak in
a few word rounds

At the top of the list
Stoutyoungladd wears the crown
while ChickBref curses and says
"Girls lets bring him down!"

Phitzy1 misses a circle and cries
SPLOOFQUAKE
Texlewee pours a scotch
just to temper the shake

When what do my wondering eyes does appear
but SMAUG on the shout
he's just checking in
wondering just how the bling comes about

As a gold member (not penis)
I've used up my 10
so it's off to the WP
hoping for "5" again

You'll then hear me say
as I'm done for the day
Thanks Justin, for Sploofus
it's a blast all the way!

eesusbejesus
Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 10:24 PM

Nice job, Lorri.

chickfbref1
Chickfbref1  (Level: 120.7 - Posts: 2012)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 10:32 PM

LMAO


kaelin
Kaelin  (Level: 49.2 - Posts: 1685)
Thu, 20th Dec '07 10:46 PM

sorry Chick - forgot the "F" - I know that's important


smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Fri, 21st Dec '07 12:54 AM


I think the "f" is for "fat".

Laughing my fat ass off.

you don't hear that much...

sploofus
Justin  
Fri, 21st Dec '07 1:56 AM

HAHA!!!! HAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Who'da thunk that Smaug and Tex BOTH made me laugh and smile in the same thread

AWESOME.

Justin


kaelin
Kaelin  (Level: 49.2 - Posts: 1685)
Fri, 21st Dec '07 8:05 AM

Yes Justin - Tex & Smaug - what can you say - I never thought I would publicly print penis - yet as I was working on that and the gold member part - the dang sound track started again - this time from Austin Powers.

So Tex & Smaug - That gold member was for you...

sheeze - going to crawl back under my rock now and start the intraveneous coffee drip.

smokydevil
Smokydevil  (Level: 163.0 - Posts: 5381)
Fri, 21st Dec '07 8:24 AM

Hilarious Lorri, such a tight competition between all the poets on this site. Thanks for adding me in.

kaelin
Kaelin  (Level: 49.2 - Posts: 1685)
Fri, 21st Dec '07 11:22 AM

In order to use Lodi's choice - I've been thinking...

Lodi in her Sploofthong
And I in my Sploofchaps
Did the WP, got pissed & hit the keg,
'Cause it was worse than Vegas Craps

Not Brilliant - but can go in history for the
verse variation

smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Fri, 21st Dec '07 12:37 PM

Free poetry advice:

Replace "keg" with "bong"


(sigh)...if only I could use my powers for good...

kaelin
Kaelin  (Level: 49.2 - Posts: 1685)
Fri, 21st Dec '07 5:04 PM

I was actually going to put that Smaug - that REALLY scares me that you and I were thinking the same thing - but I didn't want to get start getting hate mail about corrupting people - I figured that I should leave that to those that do it best



rnmorg
Rnmorg  (Level: 128.2 - Posts: 690)
Sat, 22nd Dec '07 2:04 AM

Yeah, apparently that would be female middle school teachers these days.

kaelin
Kaelin  (Level: 49.2 - Posts: 1685)
Sat, 22nd Dec '07 7:18 AM

Dear Santa

Add another keyboard to my previous request please.
I'll add more goodies to your plate

Thank you
Lorri

chickfbref1
Chickfbref1  (Level: 120.7 - Posts: 2012)
Sun, 23rd Dec '07 10:58 PM

Sry...missed this Smaug...not a bong, but a Keg is more appropiate. I actually have a kegerator. Greatest invention since before the puter.

Me

greyghost
Greyghost  (Level: 68.4 - Posts: 640)
Mon, 24th Dec '07 12:07 AM

ROFLMBO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

salzypat
Salzypat  (Level: 156.3 - Posts: 5315)
Mon, 24th Dec '07 4:36 AM

You are all nuts -- but delightfully hilarious. Thanks for the middle of the night chuckles. Where's Roccotab's contribution? Hasn't he written some poems before?

crap, trap; bong, thong; penis, Venus ... Oh good grief!

I can't get these rhyming words
out of my head.
How the heck am I going
to get to bed?

kaufman
Kaufman  (Level: 256.8 - Posts: 3936)
Mon, 24th Dec '07 9:45 AM

At the end of the lines,
"Month" or "orange" you keep,
Now just find rhyming words,
To hinder your sleep!


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