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bushyfox
Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Sun, 23rd Dec '07 4:17 PM

CHRISTMAS JOKES FOR MERRY SPLOOFUSERS!

Merry Christmas everyone! Here's some Christmas cracker (bonbon) jokes for you!


What happens if you eat the Christmas decorations?
You get tinsel-itus


What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas ?
Grave-y


What did one Christmas Angel say to the other ?
Halo there


How do cats greet each other at Christmas?
"A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year"


What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
Cross mouse cards


How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
"A merry Christmas to ewe"


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Mary Christmas


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Wenceslas
Wenceslas who?
Wenceslas train home?


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow business like show business


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Wayne
Wayne who?
Wayne in a manger (Hiya 420!)


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oakham
Oakham who?
Oakham all ye faithful


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Holly
Holly who?
Holly-days are here again


What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
Santa Clues


What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday?
"Freeze a jolly good fellow"


What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
Santapplause


Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws


Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!


What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle Bells, Jungle bells


Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
They both drop their needles


What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
Thanks, I'll never part with it


What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?
This one will sleigh you


Why do reindeer wear fur coats?
Because they would look silly in plastic macs


How do you make a slow reindeer fast?
Don't feed it


Why did Santa wear black boots?
Because his brown ones were all muddy


How long should a reindeer's legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground


Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach?
Because he didn't want to be recognised


Which reindeer have the shortest legs?
The smallest ones


Where do you find reindeer?
It depends on where you leave them


What do reindeer have that no other animals have?
Baby reindeer


What’s the difference between a biscuit and a reindeer?
You can't dunk a reindeer in your tea


If a reindeer lost his tail, where would it go for a new one?
A retail shop


Why do reindeer scratch themselves?
Because they're the only ones who know where they itch


What did the dog say to the reindeer?
Woof, woof


What’s the difference between a reindeer and a grape?
They're both purple, except for the reindeer


What's an ig?
An eskimo's home without a loo


What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark?
Frost bite


What's white, furry and smells of mint?
A polo bear

What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
One crushes boats and the other brushes coats


What did the snowman order at McDonalds?
Iceburgers with chilli sauce


What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Lost


Who delivers Christmas presents to cats?
Santa Paws



Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can hoe-hoe-hoe.


What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.


What do you call people who are afraid of Santa?
Claus-trophobic.


What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.


Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.


Father to three-year old: "No a reindeer is not a horse with TV antenna.


Teacher: Why did you bring that Christmas plant to school?
Student: Don't worry. It's just for the holly-days.



Nope, I did NOT claim they were GOOD jokes!

~Bev

oogie54
Oogie54  (Level: 201.2 - Posts: 1120)
Sun, 23rd Dec '07 8:57 PM

Good ones Bev

salzypat
Salzypat  (Level: 156.3 - Posts: 5315)
Sun, 23rd Dec '07 10:49 PM

thanks for some good chuckles.

markieboy
Markieboy  (Level: 259.5 - Posts: 198)
Mon, 24th Dec '07 6:42 AM

Hey Bev - some of them were as undigestible as left over Christmas Pudding..... !



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