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smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Sun, 20th Jan '08 1:54 PM

POSTE EDIOTR JOKKES HEARE





Question: If an editor and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
Answer: The brunette - the editor would have to stop for directions!
________________________________________
The assistant asked the editor if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"
________________________________________
An editor was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,
"Where did you get that?"
The pig replied,
"I won her in a raffle!"
________________________________________
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new editor girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.
Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin,
"For best results, put on two coats".
________________________________________
Two editors were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.

First Editor:
"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Second Editor:
Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!
________________________________________
Three editors were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.
The first editor looked down at the tracks and said,
"I think they could be bird tracks."
The second editor went to look and said,
"No, I think these are deer tracks."
They stepped aside and the third editor went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!
________________________________________
A editor asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The editor, with a puzzled look on her face replied,
"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."
________________________________________
An editor was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard editor joke after editor joke. A little way down the road, she saw another editor out in a field rowing a boat. The editor stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,
"You dumb editor bimbo! It's editors like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"
________________________________________
An editor and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the editor bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.
Sure enough, he jumped, so the editor gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,
"I can't take this, you're my friend."
But the editor insisted saying,
"No. A bet's a bet."
Then the redhead said
"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The editor replied
"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"
________________________________________
A dumb editor was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,
"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.
The editor looked at the flock and guessed, "157."
The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the editor, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"



suzer22
Suzer22  (Level: 165.6 - Posts: 1982)
Sun, 20th Jan '08 2:08 PM

I am wondering if Smaug typed this thread title that way on purpose, and if so, what could possibly be the reason for that? OR how much has he had to drink already this Sunday morning!

Sploofus Editor
Sploofabulous (Editor)  
Sun, 20th Jan '08 2:11 PM

So? It *did* say put on 2 coats!

What's your point?

smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Sun, 20th Jan '08 3:02 PM


so, not big on "editor" humor, heh Suzer?

and yes, I'm drunk. Don't judge me, man.

suzer22
Suzer22  (Level: 165.6 - Posts: 1982)
Sun, 20th Jan '08 3:05 PM

Not judging...just wondering

But frankly Smaug, I expected something better then recycled blonde jokes!

Sploofus Editor
Sploofernatural (Editor)  
Sun, 20th Jan '08 3:17 PM

How did you miss the "whiteout on the screen" joke?

smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Sun, 20th Jan '08 3:20 PM


Three editor friends died together in a car wreck. They found themselves standing in front of the pearly gates with St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter heaven, they had to tell him what Easter was about.
The first editor said, "Easter is a big holiday where we give thanks, have a big feast and eat turkey."
"Nooooo," said St. Peter. "You don't get in."
The second editor said, "Easter is the holiday that we celebrate Jesus' being born of the virgin and give gifts to each other."
"Nooooo," said St. Peter. "You don't get in, either."
The third editor said, "Well, I know what Easter is all about. Easter is a Christian holiday which coincides with the Jewish Passover. After Jesus celebrated Passover with His disciples, He was betrayed by Judas and turned over to the Romans. They crucified Him on a cross. After He died, they buried him in a tomb and put a huge boulder in front of it."
"Very good!" said St. Peter.
The editor continued. "Now, every year, the Jews roll the stone away and Jesus comes out. If He sees his shadow, we have 6 more weeks of basketball."
St. Peter fainted!
________________________________________
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a editor listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The editor asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"
"That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."
After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"
________________________________________
A editor and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The editor bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the editor gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The editor said, "No. A bet's a bet."
So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The editor replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
________________________________________
Two editors went to the pound where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first editor said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?"
This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second editor said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours."
The next day the first editor comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose... they've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing."
"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second editor. After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.
Again, the next day, the first editor comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose... they've pulled their collars off while they were playing."
"There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second editor.
After several more hours of concentration, the first editor finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!"
________________________________________




smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Sun, 20th Jan '08 3:21 PM



This editor decides one day that she is sick and tired of all the editor jokes and how all editors are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that editors really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and detects the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK.
She replies, "Yes."
He asks what she is doing.
She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all editor women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has on a ski jacket and a fur coat.
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, "For best results, put on two coats."
________________________________________
Three editors were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first editor said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second editor said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third editor said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The editors were still arguing when the train hit them.
________________________________________
Two editors were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The blond with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
________________________________________



A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a editor."
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
________________________________________
As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.
"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep."
From the cabin, a editor passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!"
________________________________________
I'm not offended by all the dumb editor jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not editor. - Dolly Parton
________________________________________
A editor, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The editor said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the editor came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the editor answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the editor added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
________________________________________
Three editors are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any," replied the first editor.
"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses," said the Game Warden.
"But officer," replied the second editor, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden. "Take all the debris you want." And with that, he left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three editors started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second editor said to the other two. "Doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?"
________________________________________
A editor calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
He asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The editor says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, "we'll put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
________________________________________
ICE FISHING
A editor decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.
For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.
When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools.
Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
Startled, the editor grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole.
Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
Amazed, the editor was not quite sure what to do as this certainly was not covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly--tools in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again.
"There are no fish under the ice!!"
Petrified, the editor looked skyward and asked, "Is that You, Lord?"
The voice boomed back, "NO THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!"
________________________________________



smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Sun, 20th Jan '08 3:21 PM



A editor was driving home after work and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a editor, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the editor went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another editor, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first editor told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
Her roommate rolled her eyes and said... "HEL-LOOOOOOOO ...You gotta roll up the windows!!!
________________________________________
A group of editors were willing to prove that not all editors were dumb. They established a judges panel of people to ask the questions.
On the day of the judging the people started off by asking, "What is 59 + 2?"
The first editor contestant responded by saying, "57?"
The rest of the editors said, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
Then they asked, "What is 15 - 5?"
The editor responded, "20, right?"
Once again the rest of the contestants screamed, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
The judges decided to go easier on her and asked, "What is 1 + 2?"
"3?" said the editor.
The rest of the editors said, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
________________________________________
A editor, a brunette and a redhead are running from the cops. They hide on a potato farm. They crawl into some potato bags. The first cop pokes the bag with the brunette in it. She says, "Meow." The cop confirms that it is just a cat. The second cop pokes the bag with the redhead in it. She says, "Woof." The cop says that it is just a dog. The third cop pokes the bag with the editor in it. She say in her sweetest voice, "Potato."
________________________________________
There is a brunette and a editor hanging over the edge of a cliff off a piece of rope. They realize that the rope will break if one of them doesn't let go and they will both fall to their deaths. The brunette starts this big heartwarming speech about how she is going to sacrifice herself. At the end of the speech the editor starts clapping.
________________________________________

bushyfox
Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Sun, 20th Jan '08 3:42 PM

You made all these jokes about a group of editors who worked co-operatively with you when you had problems, praised your quizzes and gave you EAs?

Looks kinda ungrateful and inflammatory to me.

~Bev

eesusbejesus
Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Sun, 20th Jan '08 3:51 PM

Cheese.

Anyway, I think this would be a fab idea for a WP. I know the editors in the past have a good time making WP's at the expense of the players (different complaints about the WP). Are there any editors out there who's panties aren't in a wad right now, have a sense of humor, and can give us all a laugh at their own expense?

God I hope so.

salzypat
Salzypat  (Level: 156.4 - Posts: 5316)
Sun, 20th Jan '08 4:08 PM

As a news editor, I resemble your jokes, Smaug, (to paraphrase Mrs Slocombe).

smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Sun, 20th Jan '08 4:29 PM


I do feel bad, I think I've been ungrateful to the editors. I just wanted to get all these great jokes out there.....somehow......



Q. How do you make a BushyFox laugh on Saturday?
A. Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q. How do you confuse a BushyFox?
A. You can't, they have always been like that.

Q: Why did the BushyFox scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q. How do you amuse a BushyFox for hours?
A. Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q. How do you confuse a BushyFox?
A. Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.

Q. How does a BushyFox try to kill a fish?
A. She drowns it.

Q. A BushyFox is going to London on a plane. How can you steal her window seat?
A. Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q. What do you call 20 BushyFoxs in a freezer?
A. Frosted Flakes

Q. What do you call a BushyFox with 2 brain cells?
A. Pregnant.

Q. What do you do if a BushyFox throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q. What does a BushyFox say when you ask her what the last two words of the national anthem are?
A. Play ball!

Q. What do smart BushyFoxs and UFO's have in common?
A. You always hear about them but never see them.

Q. Why did the BushyFox stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
A. Cause it said concentrate.

Q: How can you tell if a BushyFox's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.

Q. What is a brunette between two BushyFoxs?
A. An interpreter.

Q. Did you hear about the BushyFox that needed gas money?
A. She sold her car for it...

Q. What did the BushyFox say when she found out she was pregnant?
A. "Are you sure it's mine?"


missgeorge
Missgeorge  (Level: 63.0 - Posts: 388)
Sun, 20th Jan '08 4:30 PM

Mr. Smaug, sir, you have a warped sense of humor. I really enjoy your posts, and I hope my cats and I never get on your bad side.

chyenn
Chyenn  (Level: 202.6 - Posts: 1332)
Sun, 20th Jan '08 4:52 PM


you know, Smaug, with this material, you could make a killing on the talk show circuit right now during the writer's strike.

oldcougar
Oldcougar  (Level: 219.7 - Posts: 1935)
Sun, 20th Jan '08 7:17 PM

My feelings are hurt, Smaug. What with you implying all editors are blondes. I can take all those other blonde jokes but this is too much

kaelin
Kaelin  (Level: 49.2 - Posts: 1685)
Sun, 20th Jan '08 7:29 PM

I think our editors have great senses of humor, as evidenced in the really great word puzzles created as a result of our gripes and whinings - I'm the sure lightbulb joke on the other editor thread got Smaug rolling, being the pot-stirrer that he is - bubble bubble toil & trouble and all that jazz



larefamiliaris
Larefamiliaris  (Level: 135.2 - Posts: 877)
Mon, 21st Jan '08 5:41 AM

How many Smaug's does it take to change a lightbulb?
One - he stands still and the world just revolves around him.

felix
Felix  (Level: 109.3 - Posts: 2500)
Mon, 21st Jan '08 6:30 AM

Two Editor were riding on a donkey in Egypt. One of which understood a little Arabic. As they rode through the local market place the locals all seemed to be saying the same thing. Over and over the phrase was repeated. Finally the Editor with minimal local language skills got off and looked under the donkey's tail. The second Editor asked what he was doing. The first replied..........

I think you get the punch line, but feel free to PM me.

Smaug thanks for the set up. I do feel however that we can do much more damage working independently.

That Darn Felix

felix
Felix  (Level: 109.3 - Posts: 2500)
Mon, 21st Jan '08 8:03 AM

Also feel free to substitute either Clintons of lawyers in place of editors. I once prefaced this joke (using lawyers) to a lawyer by saying, 'No offense intended'. To which he replied, "None comprehended."

pepperdoc
Pepperdoc  (Level: 152.5 - Posts: 4286)
Mon, 21st Jan '08 8:42 AM

Wow, Smaug, this has to be one of the most clever things you've done: started a thread ostensibly to poke fun at editors while proving (by starting one joke with a sentence that makes no sense and some posts that repeat the same joke) the reason why we need editors. Sweet. Very subtly done, Dude.

chyenn
Chyenn  (Level: 202.6 - Posts: 1332)
Mon, 21st Jan '08 9:11 AM

"Finally the Editor with minimal local language skills got off and looked under the donkey's tail. The second Editor asked what he was doing. The first replied.........."

Looking for that darn Felix! Smaug, the donkey sat on him!

felix
Felix  (Level: 109.3 - Posts: 2500)
Mon, 21st Jan '08 2:36 PM

Oh, my side! LMAO! OMG! Felix under the tail! I didn't see that one coming! Roflmao! Oh I'm slain! LOL! Your're killin' me. That's the funniest............


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