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1mks
1mks  (Level: 211.0 - Posts: 5883)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 9:53 AM

HAPPY VALENTINE'S LIST FOR THE GUYS OUT THERE.

No. 1 DON'T tell your girlfriend that this has been “one of the best” Valentine’s you’ve ever had. She won’t see that as a compliment.

No. 2 DON'T celebrate your special night by ordering tequila shots – Valentine’s is already poignant enough without inviting Jose Cuervo to the party! Angry shouting and upchucking that expensive dinner you paid for do not a romantic evening make.

No. 3 DON'T try to “avoid the rush.” There’s no such thing as a romantic 4:00 PM dinner (unless you’re over 65).

No. 4 DON'T try to slip how much you spent on her gift into the conversation. She already know the going rate for cubic zirconia, dude.

No. 5 DON'T Forget to compliment your wife or girlfriend on her Valentine’s ensemble. Compliment her dress, her hair, her shoes, her nails, her makeup, her jewelry, her fingers, her toes, her kneecaps, her kidneys, etc. Just keep complimenting

No. 6 DON'T willingly engage in any conversation during which your wife/girlfriend addresses you by your real name. If she calls you “Honey,” or “Sweetheart,” or even “Papi,” you’re good to go. But any conversation that starts with “Michael, I need to ask you a question…” is a potential minefield.

No. 7 DON'T take your Valentine to an NC-17 movie, even if it’s foreign and/or artsy. On a night like this, the only naked body you should be admiring is hers.

No. 8 DON'T be your usual, too-cool-to-wear-nice-clothes self. No need to buy a new suit, but come on man – maybe tonight isn’t the night for your “ironic” Dukes of Hazard t-shirt.

No. 9 DON'T order tequila shots. Do you hear me? I’m not kidding about this!

No. 10 DON'T play mood music that’s sexier than you are. If you’re not 100% certain you can provide genuine “sexual healing,” leave Marvin Gaye up on the shelf. Every man’s got to know his limitations.





eesusbejesus
Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 9:54 AM

haha. Valentines day is so weird.

maurlin
Maurlin  (Level: 213.3 - Posts: 2671)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 10:37 AM

I know the Editors must be celebrating Valentine's Day and pre-V'day too. My V'day quiz has been launched for a while, and I'm hoping it sees the light of day before St. Patty's Day.

twoxfourman
Twoxfourman  (Level: 82.4 - Posts: 153)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 12:41 PM

I don't see anything in those rules prohibiting the ordering of vodka shots. I guess I know what Queen will be getting.

queentxf
Queentxf  (Level: 90.6 - Posts: 55)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 1:03 PM

And I'll be giving 2x4...away for Valentines. C'mon, ladies, who wants him? Phitzy, Marsha, Lodi...where's Smoke when you need her?

But, I'll be keeping the vodka.

queentxf
Queentxf  (Level: 90.6 - Posts: 55)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 1:11 PM

Forgot to mention: he can reach high shelves, grill a fine dinner, and sing pretty well. As an added bonus, he's given up shaving for Lent. It might take all 40 days to get a real beard, but he's trying.

1mks
1mks  (Level: 211.0 - Posts: 5883)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 1:18 PM

Hmmmmm, I think you may just be stuck with him. I have my own bearded wonder and feel really comfortable with him after 32 years. Of course, he was best man at my first wedding so I DID discover that he really was the BEST man.

rnmorg
Rnmorg  (Level: 128.2 - Posts: 690)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 1:24 PM

... and always remember, farting and pulling the covers over her head? NOT the best choice of Valentine's celebration. I'm just saying.

eesusbejesus
Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 1:26 PM

Hmmmm, well Scott is 6'2, reaches high shelves, grills dinner, and also sings so you can't pimp out 2x4 on the beard alone. But if you're just throwing him out, I'm sure he's recyclable. My house needs painted, inside and out. And I've had Mexican talavera tile sitting in the garage to redo the big bathroom for 6 years now. I think we cracked a skylight with the 3 feet of snow, so that will need replaced. Oh yeah, and my fence got knocked down.

He & Scott will have to share the vodka. I find it repulsive.

felix
Felix  (Level: 109.3 - Posts: 2500)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 1:40 PM

Lodi,

Do you have a tracking number? I haven't recieved my Valentine's Day gift from you yet.

St. Felix

eesusbejesus
Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 1:42 PM

Felix:

You can download it from www.Lodi'sHotValentines.com. Make sure you turn up the volume.

Lodi

felix
Felix  (Level: 109.3 - Posts: 2500)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 1:48 PM

That's the same photographs from last year.

tuzilla
Tuzilla  (Level: 134.1 - Posts: 3778)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 1:57 PM

#1 on the list is gittin' it done.

Happy Valentine's Day to all the sploofladies out there.

eesusbejesus
Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 2:13 PM

Hit refresh Felix. Gawd, do I have to teach you everything?

queentxf
Queentxf  (Level: 90.6 - Posts: 55)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 2:51 PM

Lodi, I can hook him up with a ride as far as Wyoming. If he makes it the rest of the way, expect the house to be painted on the road side, the tile to be moved around some, the fence left as is but retitled lawn art, and expect more "statues" if he finds the local "Free Mall." He'll be bringing a few snowmobiles. Some even start.

eesusbejesus
Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 2:57 PM

NO MORE SNOWMOBILES! We have way too many free mall snowmobiles.

twoxfourman
Twoxfourman  (Level: 82.4 - Posts: 153)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 3:33 PM

Come on ladies.... I figured at least ONE would take the offer.

One owner, low miles, clean body, motor runs well. Great mileage for those long drives.

eesusbejesus
Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 3:37 PM

I accepted - but its no free ride, buddy. You're going to have to earn your keep and that doesn't mean you & Scott out in the back yard, drinking beers, and pounding your chests over your fugly snowmobiles.



queentxf
Queentxf  (Level: 90.6 - Posts: 55)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 4:03 PM

I suppose an old pontoon, few ice fishing houses, and various other collectibles aren't going to sweeten the pot any.

twoxfourman
Twoxfourman  (Level: 82.4 - Posts: 153)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 4:09 PM

In my defense, the pontoon isn't mine. The sailboat, however, is. Even if I don't know if it's seaworthy.

queentxf
Queentxf  (Level: 90.6 - Posts: 55)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 4:14 PM

Sorry, Ted, that sailboat isn't going anywhere. Well, maybe to the water to test her out!

kaelin
Kaelin  (Level: 49.2 - Posts: 1685)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 4:16 PM

2x4 - how are you at installing phone lines - lightening took mine out Monday - and they want money I don't have to fix them - so I'm phoneless (internetless) at the house - it may only be 26.4 bps dialup but it's Mine -- I've already bought the phone cord, and I have someone to walk me through it if I have to crawl under the house and do it myself - but I like the other option better

twoxfourman
Twoxfourman  (Level: 82.4 - Posts: 153)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 4:20 PM

Provided there are no snakes living under there, I can fix anything... I've got an awesome set of tools.

eesusbejesus
Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 4:26 PM

No need for a sailboat - I'm happy with the bayliner. I do, however, need someone to help Scott fill & load all the rafts for the deathfloat, stop somewhere along the way & refill all the coolers with beer & ice, and then take everything out at the end, deflate all the rafts, and get rid of all the beer bottles. Its all fun until the end and every year I swear I'm just going to stick a knife in every raft and let them go.

rnmorg
Rnmorg  (Level: 128.2 - Posts: 690)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 6:30 PM

==-=--=-=-=-=-=-I can fix anything... I've got an awesome set of tools

send pics

eesusbejesus
Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 6:34 PM

Of 2x4 or the tools?

rnmorg
Rnmorg  (Level: 128.2 - Posts: 690)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 7:19 PM

You mean the tools aren't ON him?

eesusbejesus
Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 7:23 PM

You're right. I never thought of that. Send pics.

kaelin
Kaelin  (Level: 49.2 - Posts: 1685)
Thu, 14th Feb '08 8:24 PM

umm - I can't guarantee there are no snakes - I live on 17 acres, and we definitely have snakes, I can guarantee that I will shoot the wild boars before they make it up to the house...


twoxfourman
Twoxfourman  (Level: 82.4 - Posts: 153)
Fri, 15th Feb '08 10:33 AM

Sorry, no pictures, need a panoramic camera for the right shot.

queentxf
Queentxf  (Level: 90.6 - Posts: 55)
Fri, 15th Feb '08 10:43 AM

The tools really are quite impressive.

Damn.

I may have to reconsider getting rid of him.


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