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Rictic  (Level: 138.9 - Posts: 90)
Sun, 17th Feb '08 11:36 AM



This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.

Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women—she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

And last, but not least

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"


Chickfbref1  (Level: 120.7 - Posts: 2012)
Sun, 17th Feb '08 11:39 AM

LMAO...thanks for all the GREAT ideas for the next time I go to Wal-Mart!!

Smokydevil  (Level: 163.0 - Posts: 5381)
Sun, 17th Feb '08 11:41 AM

Finally, somebody I'd like to go shopping with! Leave the women at home, I'm going shopping with that guy.

Pepperdoc  (Level: 152.5 - Posts: 4286)
Sun, 17th Feb '08 12:14 PM

(furiously scribbling notes while humming "mission impossible" theme...)

Lamizell  (Level: 108.2 - Posts: 441)
Sun, 17th Feb '08 5:32 PM

It can't be much of a surprise to find out this is a fake.

Koota  (Level: 180.6 - Posts: 2098)
Sun, 17th Feb '08 5:36 PM

Yeah ... but a FUNNY fake!

Rictic  (Level: 138.9 - Posts: 90)
Sun, 17th Feb '08 6:49 PM

Thanks for your input Lamizell...It didn't occur to me that it would be true, I just thought it was an amusing story!...Cheers, Neil.

Lamizell  (Level: 108.2 - Posts: 441)
Sun, 17th Feb '08 7:15 PM

I should have realized you're smarter than the relatives who send me these things as if they're fact. After all, look where you hang out!

Smokydevil  (Level: 163.0 - Posts: 5381)
Sun, 17th Feb '08 7:17 PM

I for one was hoping it was fact, I needed a shopping partner.

Nelly  (Level: 169.5 - Posts: 1167)
Sun, 17th Feb '08 7:29 PM

I'd go along with you Jeremy - I hate shopping! Wouldn't you just love to do some of those things! (^)

Smokydevil  (Level: 163.0 - Posts: 5381)
Sun, 17th Feb '08 8:00 PM

Next time im in the UK Karen, remember you promised!!

Kaufman  (Level: 254.0 - Posts: 3936)
Sun, 17th Feb '08 8:26 PM

This may have been phony, but the one a couple years ago about the guy riding naked on a horse through a Wal-Mart wasn't. Nor were the Shrelock Holmes wannabes in the local police who SUSPECTED alcohol might be involved.

Smaug  (Level: 140.7 - Posts: 2772)
Sun, 17th Feb '08 8:32 PM

The condom one is awesome.

Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Sun, 17th Feb '08 9:31 PM

I find riding naked causes itching.

Smaug  (Level: 140.7 - Posts: 2772)
Sun, 17th Feb '08 9:38 PM

Even for a dwarf, your hygiene is appalling.

Texlewee  (Level: 34.1 - Posts: 601)
Sun, 17th Feb '08 10:50 PM

It MAY not have been true before,

But it IS my goal to do each and every one of them this year.

Finally a New Years resolution I WANT to keep.

Salzypat  (Level: 154.4 - Posts: 5295)
Mon, 18th Feb '08 12:34 AM

I loved it! Oh if I only had the nerve to do even one of those things! When you get to be my age you have to be careful about doing things like this or your kids might have you certified incompetent and committed!

Rictic  (Level: 138.9 - Posts: 90)
Mon, 18th Feb '08 5:22 AM

Well, Karen and I don't have kids...So I have written down the list, and the next time we go to 'Costco'...Who knows!

Papajensai  (Level: 190.2 - Posts: 1025)
Mon, 18th Feb '08 7:21 AM

And when a horse gets itchy, it ain't a pretty sight.

Chyenn  (Level: 200.8 - Posts: 1332)
Mon, 18th Feb '08 10:24 AM

was this the same guy who was looking at sexy teddy's in Fredrick's? the one who couldn't seem to decide on the black or the red one?

when the clerk asked if he needed help, he struck a pose with the red one up against him and sweetly asked, "Do you think this one is me, sugar?"

Greyghost  (Level: 68.4 - Posts: 640)
Mon, 18th Feb '08 10:54 AM

Omg,i am cracking up that was 2 funny,lol,I remember shopping with a friend and the one isle we needed to get to was packed. Cindy ran to the intercom system and announced a half price sale in isle 4,we then had the isle to ourselves.Thank you for the laugh and bringing back good memories.

Papermanbill  (Level: 41.3 - Posts: 1313)
Mon, 18th Feb '08 12:52 PM

I almost got arrested for dancing with a mannequin at Sears. I was drunk and felt bored. I was thankful she let me lead.

Maple542  (Level: 91.3 - Posts: 135)
Mon, 18th Feb '08 2:16 PM

Here is a report of another incident at Walmart:

With dreams of rodeo glory dancing in his head, a tenderfoot decided to hone his horsemanship. He mounted the horse, and it sprang into motion. It galloped along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the tenderfoot began to slip from the saddle.

Terrified, he grabbed for the horse's mane, but couldn't seem to get a firm grip. He tried to throw his arms around the horse's neck and almost lost his balance. The horse galloped along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, the tenderfoot tried to throw himself to safety by leaping from the horse. Unfortunately, his foot became entangled in the stirrup, putting him at the mercy of the pounding hooves. His head battered repeatedly against the ground, and he was moments away from unconsciousness when, to his great fortune, the WalMart greeter ran over and unplugged the horse.

Salzypat  (Level: 154.4 - Posts: 5295)
Mon, 18th Feb '08 2:24 PM

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